Going Nowhere
by mcwhoredick
Summary: When things start becoming more weird than usual for Stan Marsh, he decides to find out what's really going on.
1. Chapter 1

Cartman and Kyle were arguing, again. This time fire was involved, which was cause for me and Kenny to be alarmed. Cartman picked up a stick that was ablaze on one end and waved it dangerously close to Kyle's face. "Be careful what you say, or I'll have to burn you like the Jew you are."

"You wouldn't dare, fatass!" Kyle retorted, though I swore I saw a look of worry crash across his face.

Kenny decided it was time to intervene and took the liberty off kicking the stick out of Cartman's hand. I couldn't even remember what they were fighting about in the first place; or why we thought building a fire was a good idea.

I had came up with the idea for all of us to hang out at Stark's Pond, Kyle had gotten everyone to agree to it (he had bribed Cartman with a potpie). Then Kenny suggested we build a fire to celebrate the last few days before we had to return to school. I'm surprised we hadn't gotten in trouble for having an open flame out near the pond. I guess we were surrounded by forest, but there was still the smoke to think about.

Last time we had been here we were about ten. I guess some things had changed since then, like Cartman had thinned out slightly, now he was just bigger and not morbidly obese. Kyle had gotten taller and wore sweater vests a lot. And I mean _a lot_. Kenny had down graded his parka for an orange sweatshirt and had taken up smoking as a favorite pastime. None of us were sure how he got the money though, Cartman figured he just stole them.

A lot of things had stayed the same too. We still all had our stupid hats. Kenny still randomly disappeared, seriously though, where the fuck did he go? Cartman and Kyle still fought everyday. I was still dating Wendy, even though things had been chillingly off with her lately. I guess some things never change.

After Kenny had pulled Cartman and Kyle apart, Kyle came and flopped down onto the grass next to me groaning. "How come he's always such a fucking asshole? I can't believe we still put up with his shit."

I glanced at Kyle, meeting his gaze and holding it a little longer than intended. "I don't know." I answered simply.

Cartman came over and sat down on the other side of the fire. He looked pissed off, he always looked generally pissed off. Kenny sat next to him and lit up a smoke. There was a heavy silence that followed.

"Look what I got you guys." I said grabbing a bag of marshmallows. I figured it would lighten the mood, this was supposed to be a celebration after all. August was the last tolerable month before the weather went to complete shit. Soon everything would be covered in blankets of snow.

We found sticks and all roasted the marshmallows. They were pretty good. The tension was broken by me and Kenny talking, Kyle and Cartman just interjected sometimes.

"I can't believe it's going to snow soon." Kyle said eventually.

"But then we can go sledding. Remember when we used to race the girls?" Kenny asked as he chomped down on his seventh marshmallow.

"Those fucking bitches always cheated." Cartman sneered.

"Obviously." Kyle agreed. I laughed, it was surprising that Kyle and Cartman agreed on something for once.

"Yeah but it was still fun." I argued, reaching over and grabbing the marshmallows.

"Look at us now. We're a couple of shit-faced losers." Cartman said bitterly. Cartman had lost his edge in recent years. He hadn't done anything too big. In fact I couldn't think of the last time Cartman pulled some ridiculous stunt. "At least we still have someone poor as fuck, a damn hippie, and a Jew."

I guess that was how Cartman showed he cared.

"And you're still a fatass." Kenny deadpanned.

Kyle grabbed the bag of marshmallows for me and looked at it for a moment. "Stan since you gave us these they're more like _Marsh_ -mellows." Kyle said and then giggled, which quickly turned to a laugh as I joined in.

"Fuckin' gold." Kenny laughed along with us. I even thought I heard Cartman chuckle.

After that we put out the fire and started to go home, it was getting dark and chilly. I had given Kenny the bag of marshmallows because he seemed to really like them and I didn't need all that sugar temping me.

Kyle and I walked towards our houses together.

"Dude, school starts in a week, isn't that insane?" I asked Kyle as I slipped my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt.

"I know, I'm so excited." Kyle beamed, "I've already got a lot of stuff planned. I've figured out the fastest way to get to my classes because there's no way in hell in going to be late the first week of school. I miss everyone too."

Kyle loved school, sometimes it was a little scary. "You're a fucking nerd, Kyle." I pointed out, I think he already knew this. He was wearing a sweater vest, all that he needed to top off his look was a big pair of glasses.

Kyle grinned and looked at me. "Dude, I fucking know. The only class I'm not looking forward to is foods."

I groaned at the mention of that class. "How did we even end up in that class?"

Kenny and Cartman ended up in it too. The thought of any of us being in the kitchen was scary enough to make anyone with half a brain run away. I already had visions of us burning down the school. "I don't know, it'll sure be something."

"I'm sure it won't be to bad. Unless Cartman is a complete dick, but I'm sure he will be anyways." Kyle said as we got to the front of his house. "Wanna stay for dinner?" I nodded and we walked up the driveway and in to his house.

Kyle's house was always warm inside. It also smelled like fall, the best part of fall too, the part that reminded you of warm sweaters and colorful leaves.

Inside the living room Ike sat on the couch, very interested in Terrance and Phillip. Ike was in the Terrance and Phillip phase of his life.

It was annoying as fuck.

I couldn't believe I went through that phase. It made me want to apologize to everyone I talked to as a child. "Moms going to scalp you for watching that show." Kyle informed Ike as he slipped off his jacket and hat.

"Shut the hell up Kyle, you're an asshole." Ike said, not even looking away from the tv. Ike reminded me of us when we were nine, maybe all nine year old's acted like this.

"Whatever." Kyle walked behind the couch and stared at the tv. "This shows so stupid, but it's still fucking funny."

I walked over next to him and laughed. "True, it brings back memories." The episode playing was the one where Terrance had to get an ass transplant from Phillip. I was surprised that they still played the old episodes (I was also surprised that it hadn't been taken off the air).

We all watched as Terrance got his ass operated on. Looking back I could see why our parents didn't want us watching it. Was it even a kids show?

We heard the sound of the garage door opening and Ike scrambled to grab the remote and change the channel. He put it on some PBS nature special or some shit.

Mrs. Broflovski walked in a few seconds later and glanced at all of us standing in the living room watching this random ass nature show. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "I can't believe that this day has come; My boys watching a nature program."

"What did you expect us to be watching?" Ike asked sweetly and innocently. I think he could be an actor, that sneaky little bastard.

"I figured you'd be watching that one show with lots of toilet humor. What was it again? Terry and Phil?"

"It's not called Terry and Phil mom." Kyle said, I figured he would always defend Terrance and Phillip. It was his childhood after all. Mrs Broflovski dismissed it with a wave of her hand as she entered the kitchen.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Ike mumbled as he slouched down into the couch and flipped through the tv channels.

Kyle walked into the kitchen and I followed. "Can Stan stay for dinner?"

"Of course he can, Bubbie." That nickname was weird. It was always fucking weird. Kyle cringed slightly at the nickname, then he guided me upstairs to his room.

"I can't believe your mom still calls you Bubbie." I teased as I went to sit on the chair at his desk.

"Do you want to get her to stop, Stan?" Kyle raised his eyebrows.

"No dude, Jesus Christ your mom scares the shit out of me." I answered. It was true, she gave me the creeps.

Kyle took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. I was happy he had grown out of his Jew-fro. Now his hair was like little ringlets of marmalade. It framed his face and I though his hair was pretty. There was no other way to describe it, Kyle's hair was fucking pretty. Too bad he always kept it under his hat. I guess I was guilty of keeping my hair under a hat too.

"She scares me too dude. Why the hell do you think I still let her call me that?" Kyle flopped down on his bed and looked at me. "You're damn lucky to not have a stupid nickname."

I laughed, "Of course I am!" I spun around in the chair as he laughed too. I stopped with my back facing Kyle and looked at the contents of his desk. Kyle was so organized, I envied him. His desk was almost as organized as his life. My life (and desk, and room, etc...) looked like a shit storm had destroyed everything. I noticed that he had a Terrance and Phillip alarm clock. "Why is your alarm clock over here?"

"It forces me to get up to turn it off. By then I'm already awake." Kyle laughed slightly as I turned back to face him.

"That's a good idea, maybe if I did that I wouldn't be late to school all the time." My parents didn't care enough to make me go to school. Ever since Shelly moved out I didn't have a rude awakening every morning. It was hard to get up for school.

"You're late a lot." Kyle commented, I nodded in agreement. A few moments of silence passed between us. "How are you and Wendy doing?"

I shrugged, "The same I guess. I think she might be mad at me." I glanced around Kyle's room and my gaze settled on his closet, which was half way open. Inside there seemed to be an array of different colored sweater vests.

"For what?" Kyle asked, sitting up and looking at me.

"Well I don't exactly remember. I think it had something to do with how I don't spend enough time with her." I hadn't been spending enough time with her. She told me I spent too much time with Kyle, she wanted me to stop hanging out with him. I couldn't do that though. Kyle's friendship meant more than whatever me and Wendy had.

"Why don't you just break up with her? I mean you two obviously aren't happy. Wouldn't it be better for you two to see other people?" I looked at Kyle and he looked back.

"What the hell dude? I like Wendy- no wait, I love Wendy. I couldn't just dump her like she's some side chick." It was true, I did love Wendy. We were just in a fight at the moment, that's all.

Kyle sighed in annoyance. "Dude I'm worried about you. This relationship isn't good for your health."

"Why would you say that?"

"You're stressed. Plus when you're fighting you get pissy with everyone else and it's annoying as fuck. You're even annoying Cartman dude. Do you know how hard that is to do?" Kyle got quieter and looked away, "Sorry." he mumbled.

I thought about it for a minute. I guess I had been kind of mad. I sighed and ran a hand under my hat and through my hair. "I guess I have been sort of a bitch. I'm trying to work things out Kye. Me, her, Bebe and Kenny are all going to the mall together tomorrow. It'll all work out."

I could've swore I saw a flash of sadness cross Kyle's face. "That'll be good. I'm glad things are going to work out." It seemed a bit forced. Kyle's mood seemed to have shifted.

Another, less comfortable, silence passed between us.

I stood up and walked over to Kyle's closet grabbing a blue sweater best out. "I could wear sweater vests."

"You could, but don't." Kyle said smiling at me. "It wouldn't work on you."

"Wow. I am offended." I laughed and rehung the sweater vest. Sweater vests work on Kyle. He was tall and lanky, almost to the point it was awkward, but not quite. I always thought that I would be taller, but I only grew to five foot eight. Kyle was a solid six feet. I turned out to be the shortest in our group. Kenny was taller than me by half an inch, that bastard. Even Wendy complained about my height because she was taller than me when she wore heels. There wasn't much I could do about it though.

Maybe sweater vests only looked good on tall, lanky people.

"You should wear your hat less often." I said, turning to look at him.

"You should too." Kyle laughed and stood up walking over to me and taking off my hat. "I like your hair."

"Thanks." I ran a hand through my hair and smiled brightly. "Let's both not wear our hats on the first day of school."

"That would throw everyone off." Kyle smiled. He had a sweet smile. Kyle always smells like spices, or kind of like a candle store. It's probably because his mom was insistent that they have at least one candle in every room of the house.

I liked it though, it was comforting.

"Come down and eat dinner boys!" Mrs. Broflovski called up to us. We walked downstairs and joined Ike, Mr. Broflovski, and Mrs. Broflovski at the dinner table.

Ike sat slouched in his chair as we began to eat. He mostly just picked at his food. Kyle's family was a pretty normal family. A bitchy mom, a prick of a little brother, and a dad that worked most of the time. I guess my family was pretty average too.

"I don't want to fucking eat!" Ike groaned.

"What-what-what? Language please Ike. Where did you learn to talk like that?" Asked Mrs. Broflovski, she shot a glanced in her husbands direction.

"From Kyle." Ike answered, then he crammed his mouth full of broccoli.

Mrs. Broflovski changed her gaze from Gerald to Kyle. "Kyle," her voice warned.

"It wasn't me dude!" Kyle said defensively. It probably was him, or me. It could've been Kenny too. Kenny liked to 'teach' Ike about things, like sex and swearing. At one point he convinced Ike that being a pimp was the best career option for him. I wonder what Karen's life was like, I bet she was very 'educated'. At least about Kenny's values.

"Kyle Broflovski if you keep swearing around Ike you are going to be in big trouble young man." Mrs. Broflovski warned.

Kyle sighed in defeat as Ike gave him a smug look from across the table. "I'm sorry mom."

"Good boy, I don't want you two to grow up as delinquents, like Eric Cartman. Stan is a good kid though, I'm not so sure about Kenny. His disappearances are kind of mysterious."

I was happy that Mrs. Broflovski thought that I was a good kid, even though I was sixteen, which was hardly a kid.

"My friends are fine." Kyle said as he ate quietly.

"I'm sure that Stan will help you make the right choices." Mrs. Broflovski smiled at me, I returned the smile.

"What did you boys do today?" Asked Mr. Broflovski, changing the subject.

"We hung out at Stark's Pond all afternoon." I replied.

"We built a fire." Kyle added.

"What? Why didn't you let me come hang out with you? I was stuck at home watching ter- Jesus and Pals all day!" Ike complained.

Mrs. Broflovski sighed in exasperation. "I knew you were watching that show. Gerald we need to put a stop to this."

"I'm sure that Ike will stop watching it Sheila. Right, Ike?" Mr. Broflovski asked in a expectant voice.

"I won't watch it anymore dad." Ike said pushing his chair away from the table. "I'm finished." He said taking his dishes over to the sink and putting his dishes in it.

Gerald was usually pretty laid back. I think him and Sheila balanced each other out. After I finished I figured I should head home because it was starting to get dark. I said bye to everyone before I started to walk back to my house.

The sun was just about to set and it was starting to get cool. I put my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt to keep the from freezing and falling off. Why was South Park so damn cold?

When I got home I was greeted by Sparky. Sparky was old, he was about eleven. His dark brown fur was starting to gray around his ears and muzzle. I scratched behind his ears and he wagged his tail happily.

"Stanley is that you?" Asked my mother, "Where've you been?"

"I was at Kyle's. Sorry I forgot to tell you I was going there." I said looking at her, she looked tired.

"It's alright. As long as you're safe." She smiled, it made the corners of her eyes crinkle.

I took off my hat and ran my hand through my hair. "I think I might need a hair cut." My mom nodded in agreement.

My phone started ringing in my pocket, it was Wendy. My mom left the room as I answered. "Hey Wendy." I started walking up to my room.

"Hey Stan, are we still on for the mall tomorrow?"

"Of course." I closed the door to my room and laid down on my bed. "How was your day?"

"It was good. I hung out with Bebe all day. She got a tattoo. One of the weird quiet kids had a tattoo gun and she payed him." Wendy said, I could almost hear her smile through the phone. "It's a tramp stamp of a heart."

I laughed, I wasn't even surprised. "Was she happy with it?"

"Of course she was. She wanted me to get one but I told her I didn't want something on my body forever." Wendy's laugh floated through the phone. It was light like a feather in the wind.

We talked about Bebe's tattoo for a few more minutes. I was happy the subject matter was staying light. I hoped Wendy wouldn't mention Kyle, unfortunately she did.

"Did you hang out with Kyle today?" She asked. She only asked about Kyle, she didn't care if I hung out with Cartman or Kenny (even if hanging out with them meant I got in more trouble).

"You're being a prick about this." I groaned, "Kye is my super best friend, Wendy, I can't just ditch him. That would be like you ditching Bebe."

Wendy sighed in frustration, "You even have a nickname for him? Why don't you have a nickname for me Stan?"

"I don't know, it's just a habit." I didn't want to deal with Wendy's bitchy mood swings at the moment. Why did it matter if I had a nickname for Kyle? It was just a shortened version of his name. It's not different than everyone calling me Stan instead of Stanley. Why was Wendy losing her shit over this small matter?

"Whatever Stan. I have to go help my mom with something or other. See you tomorrow." She hung up without saying anything else. She had totally just blew me off. Maybe I was being rude- no I was just hanging out with my friend.

There was a clink on my window and it made me jump. "Holy shit." I mumbled as I stood up and walked to window, opening it. I was greeted by Kenny standing on a ladder right outside of my window.

"Dude I'm coming into your house." Kenny grinned, he jumped through the window and almost fell on me in the process.

"What the hell?" I asked, closing the window. "You could've knocked like a normal person instead of just breaking in like a freak show."

"I didn't want to knock, that's too easy." Kenny said making himself comfy on my bed. "I had to run away from home."

"What about Karen?" I asked, I was annoyed that he just came in here and acted like he owned the place.

"I sent her over to Ruby's. You know? Craig's little sister. Our dad was to drunk to function, I wanted to get out before things got too bad."

I guess I felt bad for him because I agreed to let him stay.

My dad burst through the door and looked at me and Kenny. "What is Kenny doing here?"

"Jesus Christ dad! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Why did everyone just decide to hang out in my room?

"Have you been hiding him in your room this whole time? Have you two been making out?" My dad asked. I swear to god he's so stupid sometimes.

"Of course. Me and Stan are dating." Kenny said in a heavily sarcastic voice. Him and my dad laughed, "I'm staying the night."

"Just don't get to carried away." My dad said winking suggestively.

"Oh my fucking God." I sighed and shook my head. Eventually my dad left and Kenny had stolen some of my pajama's because I told him I wasn't sleeping in the same room as him if he was just wearing boxers.

"So what's been up dude?" Kenny asked causally as he sat on my bed.

"We I just talked to Wendy for awhile, I think she's still upset with me." I sat on the floor and looked around my room. It was pretty messy considering it had been two weeks since I'd cleaned it. My clothes were everywhere.

"What she mad about this time?" Kenny asked, he laid back on my bed and closed his eyes.

"She's mad because I spend too much time with Kyle." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

Kenny started cackling with laughter. "Dude you two are so far in the closet that you're back with the Mc Hammer pants. She's obviously jealous. Besides, I think lots of people think you and Kyle have a thing."

"What? Why would you say that?" I asked, Kenny had sparked my curiosity.

"Well you two do hang out a ton. Like, a shit-ton. I don't know. I'm tired I can't think of any examples. Let's just say she's worried about you and Kyle."

"I'm not gay dude." Was Kyle gay? I didn't think he was. Except one time he pointed out that Craig Tucker was cute without his hat on. That didn't make him gay, right? I think he would've told me if he was. Then again, Kyle being gay could be possible.

"Sure, that's what they all say." Kenny said waving his hand. Then he rolled on his side to face the wall.

I thought about this for a moment. Just because I liked to hang out with Kyle a lot more than anyone else didn't mean I had a crush on him, did it?

No.

Hanging out with Wendy was different. I knew I liked Wendy- loved her. When I was with her I felt fluttery my and warm inside.

When I was with Kyle it was different. I felt comfortable with Kyle, sometimes with Wendy that was a different story. There was no pressure when I hung out with Kyle. I wasn't expected to do anything romantic or shit. I was happy with Kyle, we were best friends. I didn't get that fluttering feeling when I was with Kyle.

I loved Kyle, I was in love with Wendy.

Then again, dating Kyle would probably be easier than dating Wendy. Kyle was attractive too, at least the girls thought so. I had never really payed attention to Kyle or thought about this. I decided that Kyle was pretty attractive. That didn't make me gay right? Or bi or whatever. I didn't want to like guys. I _couldn't_ like guys.

I still couldn't figured out why Wendy was mad at me. Maybe I had been ignoring her lately and not noticing it. I guess I would have to spend more time with her, also maybe make up a nickname.

"Hey Kenny?" I asked, looking at him. He was already passed out. Kenny was a heavy sleeper. I think it was because he hardly got any sleep because of his annoying as hell family.

I stood up and looked at Kenny sleeping in my bed. As far as I knew Kenny was bisexual. He told me that 'Anything with holes was good for fucking' after he had a little fling with Clyde Donavan. Clyde's parents weren't to happy about their son being gay so they sent him away to a straight camp or something. He came back and was really quiet.

I sighed because Kenny was sleeping in my bed. I grabbed a pillow I had laying on my floor and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I didn't mind sleeping on the couch.

I threw the pillow on the couch and went to go search for a blanket in the closet. After I'd found the perfect one I went and laid down in the couch. Soon I drifted into sleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and a boner.

I was having a dream about Kyle. More specifically Kyle fucking me. Kyle fucking me. I seemed to have liked it too. I groaned softly because now I had a hard on and I couldn't jerk off because I was in the living room (My dad liked to often come downstairs to get snacks).

I was just over thinking this. The dream meant nothing.

Nothing at all.

It was just the was his fingers were tangled in my hair. And how beautiful he looked with his whole body dusted in freckles. Also the way he was kissing me- and, oh my god, his voice was husky and, fuck.

I really had to jack off now. I went to the bathroom and tried to think about other things, but Kyle kept drifting back into my mind. I never thought my life would come to this.

Jerking off in the middle of the night to Kyle Broflovski.

I came into my hand and the washed it off. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered what was up with me today. Maybe it was just an off day. I was tired and overthinking.

I returned to my spot on the couch and flipped through the channels to find something to take my mind off things. The only think on at this hour was Terrance and Phillip so I decided to watch that. The show was mind meltingly stupid.

I laid back down and watched it. I actually focused on the show to get my mind off everything else. I closed my eyes and fell asleep for the second time to the sound of Terrance and Phillips rhythmic farting.

 **A/N Hey I'm new to and am still getting the hang of formatting everything, updates may be slow until I get the hang of it. Comments and criticisms are always welcome, thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more~ ^-^**


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the night was peaceful, I had dreams about being in Canada with Terrance and Phillip. After I woke up I watched TV while laying on the couch. I wasn't too interested in whatever was on though. I couldn't get the events of last night out of my head.

I tried to not think about it, but of course that failed.

I couldn't like Kyle. He was my best friend. Besides I liked Wendy, right? I wasn't so sure anymore. Thinking about all this made me feel like I was going to be sick. Except I always felt like I was going to get sick, especially when I was nervous.

I heard someone walking down the stairs, it was Kenny. "Good morning dude." I said as Kenny jumped over the back of the couch and landed on me.

"I had great dreams of major boobage. I swear your bed is fucking magic." Kenny laughed and tucked his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt. "Every Time I sleep in your bed I have great dreams."

Kenny happened to sleep in my bed a lot. Every time he ran away from home he came here. I guess Kyle's parents hated him too much to let him stay there and Cartman was too annoying or something.

"I had some wild dreams last night too." I replied as I sat up and looked at him. He was picking absentmindedly at a bandaid on his face. I hadn't noticed last night but he had the start of a black eye. I decided not to mention it.

My mom walked downstairs and into the living room. "Would you boys like some pancakes?" She asked smiling.

"I'd love some, Mrs. Marsh." Kenny replied happily. I nodded in agreement as my mom went to make us pancakes.

"Are you excited for school to start?" I asked Kenny, pushing him off my legs.

"Fuck no dude. I've been gettin' laid almost everyday this summer. I don't want school to interrupt my schedule."

"Then why don't you just drop out?" It seemed like a simple plan to me. Kenny could probably get away with dropping out. I wish I could, but my parents would kill me.

"Nah, I should probably at least try to make something of myself." He shrugged and then stood up and stretched. "Are we still going to the mall, or are you and Wendy still throwing bitch fits?"

"We're still going." I was slightly annoyed. Kenny was good at getting under my skin and he knew it. That pissed me off more.

"This trip is going to suck ass, you know that right?" Kenny grinned, "Unless Bebe and Wendy make us go to Victoria's secret and let us help them pick out lingerie." He got a far off look in his eyes. I think Kenny had a pretty big kink for lingerie.

"Wendy wouldn't do that." I responded.

"Wendy is a hag. Break up with her." Kenny laughed, I rolled my eyes. "She has small tits."

"What the hell dude?"

"Well it's true." Kenny snickered and shrugged.

"Aren't you bi or something? You said you'd fuck anything with a working hole." I sighed and relaxed against the couch.

"Guilty. I never said I wouldn't tap that. I just said she has small tits. Bebe's tits are like watermelons glued to her chest." Kenny got all dreamy when he talked about boobs. I guess it was because he'd been into them since he was like eight. Except now he seemed to be into dudes too. Kenny was just into everything.

"Don't those get in the way?" I figured Kenny would say no. Except I had only ever slept with Wendy so I didn't know.

"It's all about positioning." Kenny winked suggestively. My mom walked in after that so the conversation ended.

We went to go eat our pancakes. Kenny ate five of them, I wondered how he could eat so much. He was pretty thin, except on the other hand, I never saw him eat lunch at school.

"Dude I need to go smoke." Kenny told me after we were done eating. I decided to go outside with him to keep him company. We went out to my backyard and sat on the back porch.

I watched Sparky run around and over the graves of people that my demonic goldfish killed. I still couldn't believe that my mom didn't believe that it was the fish not me. Kenny smoked and had a semi-vacant look in his eyes.

"Where do you get all your cigarettes dude?" I asked out of the blue.

"Hmm. That's a question that I'll answer at a later time." Kenny dropped his cigarette butt and put it out with his foot. Cartman was probably right about him stealing them.

We stood and walked back inside. "Can I go take a shower dude? Also I need to barrow some of your clothes." Kenny asked this so sweetly. Dammit, I wish I didn't feel bad for him. I nodded and he headed for the bathroom. I walked across the kitchen and stopped in a puddle of water that Sparky had spilled out of his bowl.

I was wearing socks too, the experience was not pleasant. I quickly peeled off the soaking sock. I always wore socks to bed. When we were younger Kyle told me that Mr. Hankey said to wear socks to bed, I listened and now I had just gotten used to it. I wish I hadn't listened though because then this moment would've never happened.

I walked up to my room to get dressed for the day. I put on a blue sweatshirt and my hat of course. They matched and that made me happy.

I got a text and so I grabbed my phone to look at it.

 **Me and Bebe will be there** **in 20 minutes**

From Wendy. I just replied "K".

Kenny got out of the shower and I gave him some clothes to change into. He hate taken off his band-aid on his face and the cut beneath looked pretty bad. I gave him another band-aid to cover it up with.

Wendy and Bebe got here in exactly twenty minutes. They pulled up in Wendy's pickup truck. Wendy said she only kept it because she couldn't afford another car, but I think she secretly liked it.

Kenny and I got in the back as Wendy drove to the mall. "Hey boys." Bebe turned around to look at us, she grinned happily.

"Hey baby. Your tits look great in that shirt." Kenny winked at Bebe. Wendy and I groaned in unison at Kenny's bluntness and lust for Bebe. This is why Wendy and I were perfect for each other. I wasn't in love with Kyle, right?

"Kenny! You're making me blush." Bebe said, giggling sweetly. Kenny and Bebe together was almost too much.

When we got to the mall Wendy and I tried to get them to not flirt so much, we figured no one abated to see their weird PDA. It kind of worked out. We got Bebe distracted with shoes.

"Which heels look better, red or black?" Bebe asked, she had on both colors to compare.

Wendy pondered this, as if it was a deep question or something. "I think the black would go with more, but the red ones are so cute. What do you think Stan?"

"I like the black ones better." I replied honestly.

"I was thinking that too." Bebe seemed deep in thought about this.

Kenny stumbled I from the next aisle over. On his feet were five inch hot pink heels. "Would you look at these! I should get them and wear them to school!"

"Oh god." Wendy mumbled under her breath. I stifled a laugh.

"I can barely walk though. How do you girls do it?" Kenny walked over to me. "This shits hard."

"You can walk in them better than Wendy can." Bebe commented. Kenny grinned triumphantly, Wendy was visibly pissed off.

"Do a model walk." I let out my suppressed laughter. Kenny walked down the aisle of shoes in a mock fashion walk.

"Woo! Go Kenny!" Bebe cheered, clapping delightedly.

Kenny grinned and turned around but stumbled slightly, he grabbed on to a shelf causing it to crash down, all the shoes falling off. "Oh shit." Kenny groaned as he sat up from beneath the pile of shoes.

The store manager ran over and started to chastise Kenny for wrecking the store. It ended with Kenny getting kicked out.

"I better go with him. Kenny can't be unsupervised for too long." I explained to Wendy and Bebe. They were still debating over shoes.

"Sure, we'll meet you guys at the food court in fifteen minutes." Wendy smiled and gave me a soft peck on my lips before I left. I liked when Wendy kissed me, that was another reason we were perfect. Suddenly the memories of the dream came flooding back. Soon I was day dreaming of what it would be like to kiss Kyle.

I stopped when I met up with Kenny outside the store. I didn't want my body to betray me and get a boner. Not in the mall. Kenny and I walked to the food court.

"Dude look it's Kyle and Ike." Kenny pointed out. Kyle and Ike were standing in front of the Terrance and Phillip store. It was just a store full of Terrance and Phillip merchandise, an endless pile of red and blue seemed to flow from the doors like a river. Kyle had his eyes closed in frustration and Ike stood with his arms crossed.

"Let's go over there." I suggested, Kenny nodded in agreement and we walked over to them.

"Hey Kyle." I called as we approached them. He wasn't wearing his hat, which was unusual but it didn't bother me. I wanted to tangle my fingers in his hair and feel it- wait, what was I saying?

"Dude, tell Ike that I'm not getting him a four foot tall Phillip doll." Kyle said, he opened his eyes and glanced at Kenny. "Oh hey Kenny."

"You better get me it, or I'll tell mom about that magazine I found." Ike threatened.

Kyle's face went red, "You're such a little fucking dick!" He cried.

"At least I'm not a semen guzzling asshole like you, you motherfucker!" Ike replied angrily. They both had suck short tempers, they must've got in from their mom.

"Get out of my sight you prick." Kyle hissed. I wondered why Ike got under his skin so much.

"Later dickhole." Ike flipped him off as he left.

"All that over a porn magazine?" Kenny interjected.

"It's more complicated then that Kenny." Kyle groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

"Then what is it?" Kenny was trying to pry.

"It's just that- ugh- you guys wouldn't understand." Kyle dismissed, "Where's Wendy and Bebe?"

"They're looking at shoes, Kenny got himself kicked out." I replied. I was wondering why Kyle was being so secretive about his magazine. Everyone had at least one porn magazine stashed away somewhere.

"That's believable." Kyle snickered, his mood seemed to change with Ike leaving. Kenny just shrugged.

I took a moment to glance at Kyle. Freckles dotted his face and his green eyes seemed to shine. His hair looked good without his hat covering it, it looked soft and silky. "Dude what are you doing?" Kyle asked me suddenly, I realized I was staring.

"You just look different without your hat." I replied, laughing nervously.

"I lost my fucking hat. That's the only reason why I'm here in this shitty mall, to get another one." Kyle pushed a hand through his curls. "My hair is so damn annoying."

"I think you would be fine without a hat." I told him, I got a glance from Kenny.

"Maybe." Kyle glanced between me and Kenny. It felt weird to see him after I had that dream about him. Different almost, but only for me. The atmosphere seemed different. "I should probably go find Ike." Kyle said, almost sheepishly.

"Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea." I told him that, although I didn't want him to leave.

"See you two around." Kyle said, walking off in the direction that Ike went.

"You're so far in the closet." Kenny said smugly after Kyle left.

"Fuck off Kenny." I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose out of habit. I didn't want to deal with Kenny's shit right now.

"I'm just being honest." Kenny snickered as we walked to the food court.

"Whatever. Don't tell Wendy about seeing Kyle. She'll just get more pissed off."

"It's because you and Kyle like each other. Are you that oblivious to everything Stan?" Kenny asked, he was teasing but I felt like he knew. Except Kyle and I got teased a lot as kids, everyone thought we were gay. I guess they weren't so far off.

"What will it take to get you to shut the hell up?" I didn't want Kenny to let something accidentally slip.

"A soft pretzel." Kenny gave me a crooked smile.

Bebe was sitting on Kenny's lap as she ate fries. Kenny had happily eaten his pretzel and had shut up about Kyle, at least for the time being.

Wendy sat next to me, we were sharing a funnel cake. "This cake is really fucking good." I stated.

"I agree." Wendy laughed and took another bite. Across the table Kenny looked blissfully happy as Bebe fed him fries.

"Where are we going after this?" I asked in an attempt for us to not fall into an uncomfortable silence.

"I need to go to Victoria's Secret." Bebe stated, Kenny glanced at me with a smug I-told-you-this-would-happen look. "I need to make Wendy buy a bra that's not so dull. Since Stan is here, he can help, since you two are dating and all."

Wendy's face became very red as Kenny cackled. "What the hell Bebe?"

Bebe seemed uninterested in what was going on around her. "It's true though. Will you help Stan?"

"Sure." I replied, taking another bit of the funnel cake. The thought of shopping for lingerie with their girlfriend would be pleasing for most people, but I just wasn't feeling it today. My mind was somewhere else.

"Let's go!" Bebe stood up off Kenny's lap and I threw away what was left of the funnel cake.

We all started walking in the direction of Victoria's Secret. Wendy seemed to still be mad at Wendy, they were arguing in hushed voices.

"Dude are you good?" Kenny asked suddenly.

"I'm fine, just tired I guess."

"Of course you're tired. I'm sure you hardly got any sleep last night because you were too busy thinking about Kyle." Kenny snickered, "Don't act like you weren't staring at him, Stanley."

"I was looking at his hair, he hardly ever shows it." I defended.

"You wouldn't look at Cartman like that if he took off his hat."

"Yeah, because Cartman is a piece of shit." Thankfully we got to store so the subject was dropped.

The next twenty minutes was filled with Bebe asking me all these questions about what I liked and didn't like about each bra. I gave her really half assed answers because I wasn't sure myself- or I just didn't care. Eventually she narrowed it down to four different bras. Then she made Wendy try each of them on. Bebe went into the dressing room with her assess each bra. I wondered how girls did that without getting weirded out.

Kenny appeared beside me as I sat outside the dressing room. "I think this is a good look for me." I looked at him and over his orange sweatshirt he had on a lacy black and red bra. "I was going to put the matching thong on over my pants, but I think that might be too much."

I burst out laughing, right when Bebe walked out of the dressing room. She laughed along with me, Kenny grinned.

"Oh my god, let me take a picture!" Bebe grabbed her phone out of her pocket and snapped off a few photos as Kenny posed for her. "These are so going on Instagram." She mumbled as she looked back through the photos.

Wendy stuck her head out of the dressing room. "What's taking you so long Bebe?"

"You know, you could always come out here and get her." Kenny suggested slyly.

"Fuck off your pervert." Wendy replied without missing a beat. Bebe grabbed my hand, giggling and pulled me into the dressing room with Wendy.

"This is uncomfortable." Wendy complained, I glanced at her lacy, purple and white bra, and then I wondered what the fuck I was doing here.

"It's about style, not comfort. It's for when things are about to get hot Wendy. You won't be wearing it too long, trust me." Bebe winked suggestively.

Bebe and Wendy continued bickering about it like I wasn't there. "Um, guys?"

Now their eyes turned to me. "I almost forgot you were here, you're so quiet." Bebe commented. I don't know how she would forget I was standing in the dressing room, we were all standing in very close proximity. "What do you think of it Stan?"

"Uhh... It's nice." How do you even answer a question like that?

"He doesn't even like it." Wendy groaned, "Bebe this was a stupid idea."

After that, Wendy kicked both me and Bebe out of the dressing room so she could get dressed.

"What happened?" Kenny, who had been sitting outside so quietly, asked.

"Stan didn't like Wendy's bra." Bebe stated in an exasperated tone.

"What? That's unbralievable!" Kenny exclaimed.

I snickered as Bebe said, "Bad puns should be a crime."

"Well then arrest me, babe." Kenny winked as he stood up off the chair. Bebe's mood seemed to loosen after that.

We left the mall and Wendy dropped Kenny and Bebe off at Bebe's house, leaving us alone in the car. The air was thick between us, but I couldn't tell if Wendy was mad at me directly or just mad because of the whole day in general. I decided I should apologize anyways, "I'm sorry."

"You don't even know what you're apologizing for." Wendy sniped.

"Dude, I still feel bad anyways." I grumbled, glancing out the window.

There was a few moments of silence and then Wendy let out a sigh. "I just haven't been feeling it lately, Stan."

"Well that makes two of us." I regretted saying that the moment it came out of my mouth.

"Jesus Christ, let's take a break." She said, scowling at me as we pulled up to my house.

"Fine with me." I said opening the door, "See ya 'round Wendy."

"Bye Stan." I shut the door the second after she said that, then she sped away, almost running me over in the process.

Instead of walking up to my house I found myself walking down the street to Kyle's. Every time Wendy and I broke up I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness and guilt. I turned down Kyle's street just as the sun was starting to set. I wondered how much longer it would be before it started snowing.

When I got to Kyle's house I knocked on the front door and Gerald answered the door. "Hey Stan." He smiled and let me in.

"Is Kyle home?" I questioned.

He nodded, "He's upstairs with Eric."

"As in Eric Cartman? The fat one?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Gerald nodded and I went upstairs and knocked on Kyle's door before walking into his room.

Cartman was sitting at Kyle's desk and Kyle was sitting on his bed. Whatever they were talking about, they stopped talking about it when I walked in.

"Hey guys." I said awkwardly.

"Hey Stan." Kyle replied, as if nothing was off about this.

"Hey hippie." Cartman acknowledged.

"What brings you here?" Kyle asked as I plopped down next to him on his bed.

"I was just bored." I answered, glancing at Kyle. He had his hat back on his head, what a disappointment.

"Aw come on you damn hippie, Kahl was just about to tell me some deep shit." Cartman groaned, "You interrupted."

"Deep shit? I don't think Kyle would ever tell you anything too deep, fatass." I couldn't even believe Kyle was even hanging out with Cartman alone.

"He would if I blackmailed him into it." Cartman said reaching for something on the desk.

"Don't you fucking dare-" Kyle started, but Cartman interrupted.

"Look at this." He threw a magazine at me, it must have been the magazine that Ike was talking about today. I looked down at the magazine that had fallen in my lap. On the front there was two well built men making out.

Shit.

The room was awkwardly silent after that. Kyle looked embarrassed and pissed off, Cartman sat there looking smug. I had no idea what to say.

"So... Uh, you're gay?" I asked. Jesus, I was a fucking idiot. What the hell kind of question was that? I just wanted to break the tension in the room, but instead I had asked a question with a pretty obvious answer.

"Obviously." Cartman laughed and glanced between both of us. "A gay Jew, this is perfect material to tease you with."

Kyle looked up at Cartman. "Can you guys leave?" He asked, halfheartedly. I would be annoyed too if Cartman kept pestering me about stupid shit too.

Then I realized it was Cartman. Everyone would know Kyle was gay soon enough, I guess that's what Kyle was thinking about. Except, no one listened to Cartman very much anymore. He had lost his edge and had become somewhat of a joke. Eventually people caught on to his lying and manipulative ways. Cartman was a joke, he just didn't want people to think he was going soft. That's why he acted like suck a dickhole all the time.

"Come on guys, leave." Kyle said more forcibly.

"Later, Jew." Cartman said standing up, "Come on Stan, let's give this fag some time to think."

I stood up and told Kyle I'd see him later before leaving with Cartman. We started to walk in the direction of our houses. "Did you already know about Khal's gayness?"

"No dude. You better not make a big deal about this, you already hurt his feelings." I snapped.

"Jesus Christ, calm your tits. I'm not going to spread the word just yet." Cartman grinned slyly, I knew he had a plan. I didn't want to think about it at the moment.

"Whatever, I hope I don't see you until school starts." I said turning towards the direction of my house.

"I hope I never see you again, Stan!" Cartman called, cackling as he left.

When I got home I kicked off my shoes and walked upstairs, past my parents who were watching some weird movie. When I got up to my room I called Kyle. I felt bad just leaving him in the state he was. He picked up but didn't say anything.

"Hey dude, Cartman sucks ass doesn't he?" I opened with, I heard a small hiccuping laugh at the other end of the line. Kyle had been crying, I could tell. "This doesn't change anything between us, you know that right?"

"Thanks Stan, it's just that Cartman's going to tell everyone and I'm not ready for this to be spread all over town..."

"No one takes Cartman seriously anyways. Besides, what's so bad about being gay?" I asked softly.

"It's not even the kids at school, it's my parents. If they found out they would kill me." Kyle's voice hitched and I imagined tears flowing out of his beautiful green eyes and staining his perfectly round cheeks.

"You can come live with me. I would never abandon you Kye." I replied, looking at my desk. On my desk sat a framed photo of me and Kyle from when we were younger. We both looked happy, Kyle had his arm around me and was grinning. I smiled at the memories.

"Thanks..." Kyle sniffled a few times. I stayed on the line and listened to him. It was insane how badly I wanted to hug him. The thought of Kyle crying was a bad thought. He rarely cried as a kid, except a few times when Kenny disappeared for a long time, or when Cartman poked fun at him too much. "Why did you really come over earlier?" He changed the subject, but I was okay with that.

"Wendy and I broke up." I sighed and crawled under the covers in my bed.

"Again dude? Just break up with her for good."

"I'll try to, I don't think we're really getting along anymore." I told him.

"What happened?"

I told Kyle the whole story. I even included the parts about Kenny to make him laugh. Kyle had a pretty laugh, it was light and real. Every time he laughed, even if it was a little chuckle, I got a little happier myself. I knew he wasn't crying anymore. I smiled to myself as I imagined Kyle, now sitting in his room laughing.

I really needed to stop thinking about Kyle though. And I needed to stop describing him as cute, or pretty, or whatever. I got chills as I thought about that. What if I really actually liked Kyle?

"Wendy is a bitch." Kyle concluded at the end of my story. "I'm sorry you have to deal with her shit."

"It's fine dude. I won't have to deal with her for awhile now." I laughed softly, "Now I don't have to go on awkward dates with her."

"We can hang out more," Kyle said happily, it was almost worded like a question. "Well hopefully."

"Of course we can. You're my super best friend." I grinned happily and closed my eyes.

"Thanks Stan." Kyle said softly. "I have to go now, I'm tired and today has been a stressful, fatass filled day. But first I have a joke." Kyle yawned on the other end.

"Hmm?"

"What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?" He asked.

"What?"

"It becomes daytrogen." Kyle cracked up laughing, I laughed along.

"I'm going to bed." I said as I finished up my laughing.

"Good nitrogen, sleep tightrogen." Kyle's laughing subsided after a minute. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Stan."

"Sweet dreams, Kyle." I smiled as I hung up and plugged my phone in. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled back under my fluffy comforter.

I stared at the ceiling and ran a hand through my hair. I bumped into my hat and took it off, throwing it somewhere in my room. I thought back to my conversation with Kyle. I thought about his laugh, I felt a warm feeling overtake my body as I did so.

I only had one question; Why couldn't I wipe this damn smile off my face?

 **Thank you for all your views, it really means a lot! I should be updating soon~**


	3. Chapter 3

The next few weeks were normal. School started the first week of September, it turns out I had a lot of classes with Cartman and Bebe. My only class with Kyle was foods, except it seemed like everyone ended up in that class. It was like the school board decided to make foods a mandatory class at the last minute but neglected to tell anyone. It didn't matter though because it was an easy class and sometimes you got food.

Kyle had stopped stressing out about Cartman telling everyone he was gay, except I figured he still had something big planned. They had been at each other's throats the passed few weeks, Cartman crossing the line sometimes. Wendy still hadn't talked to me, Bebe told me she was still pretty pissed.

I thought about Kyle a lot more, he occupied my thoughts most of the time now. I hadn't got to see much of him though because he always had a shit load of homework. I mean, I had a shit load of homework too, I just didn't do it. At least I didn't spend half the amount of time I should on it.

It was about two weeks into the school year and I already had two C's and a D. I figured this year I would try to keep all my grades about C level, but I was already failing at it.

Now I was sitting in math class staring at the whiteboard as the teacher droned on about finding the square or some shit. I didn't understand what he was saying at all (math happened to be one of the classes I was getting a D in). I glanced a Bebe, who sat next to me. She was doodling all over her math worksheet that she had already completed. Damn, she was better at math than you would expect.

Maybe I could do better in math too, if I payed attention. I tapped my pencil on my desk as I glanced at the clock. There was only a few minutes of class left and then it would be time for lunch.

I glanced at Cartman across the room, he seemed as bored and uninterested as I did. I looked at my worksheet and then at my notes. I had really half assed these notes.

The bell rang and everyone got up and left to go to lunch. Cartman and I walked to lunch together, I would've preferred it was anyone else but it was okay for the time being. "Wendy's still pretty pissed at you." He commented.

"I know, dude." I replied, why was Cartman telling me this? Didn't he know I already knew? Cartman shrugged and then we walked into the lunchroom. Jesus, maybe this was all part of his big plan.

We got our food and then went and sat at our regular table where Kyle and Kenny were already sitting. They seemed to be in a really deep conversation with each other. I took my usual spot next to Kyle, and Cartman sat on the opposite side next to Kenny. "Dude I'm telling you, Butters has a hot ass! Just look." Kenny said, we all inadvertently glanced in Butters direction.

Butters stood next to Token and seemed to be talking to Clyde. "Why are we having this conversation fags?" Cartman chimed in.

"I need to get him to sleep with me." Kenny stated.

"What about you and Bebe?" Kyle asked, looking at him.

"I'm over Bebe for the time being. I'm ready to try something new." Kenny stated, nonchalantly as ever.

"Then go over and talk to him." I said, taking a bite of my chicken sandwich.

"Um, it's Butters dude. He'd never sleep with you." Kyle pointed out. Ever since about fifth or sixth grade Butters drifted away from us. Of course, we were still friends, but like, school friends. We weren't as close as we used to be.

"I'll go talk to him," Kenny stood up, "Watch Kenny McCormick work his seducing magic." He winked and then left.

"Jesus Christ, he's so full of himself." Cartman mumbled.

"You're one to talk, fatass." Kyle responded, then he laughed lightly. It was that nice, fluttery laugh. "What are we doing in foods today?"

That fucking class was the bane of my existence. I couldn't care less about what we were doing in there. I couldn't transfer out of it though because my mom told me it would be good for me to learn how to cook. Yeah right, I can't cook for shit.

"We're making muffins. The blueberry ones where we use applesauce instead of oil." Cartman said, he seemed happy about it. If there was food involved then he probably was happy about it.

"Why the hell do we put applesauce in them?" I asked, they both shrugged in response. It didn't sound very good to me.

Turns out opening a jar of applesauce is a lot harder than you would expect. "God damnit! Why won't this fucking bottle open!" Kenny scowled as he tried to twist the lid off the applesauce.

"It's because you're weak, you're poor and never eat. Give me that." Cartman said snatching the jar out of Kenny's hands. Kenny punched him in the arm for his comment but Cartman didn't react.

Cartman held the jar horizontally. "Jesus, Cartman. Hold that upright or it'll spill everywhere." I warned.

"Shut up you damn hippie, I know what I'm doing." Cartman continued working on getting the lid off.

Kyle was mixing the other ingredients in a bowl. "Uh, dude? This doesn't look right." He said, turning to face me. I walked over to look at the mixture.

"What the fuck?" I asked, because I had no idea what I was looking at. It looks like a tan blob that would be in a horror film.

"I fucked up bad. Do you think they'll be able to be saved?" Kyle questioned, furrowing his brow in thought. He seemed genuinely concerned about the muffins. He also looked so damn adorable like this. He seemed to really care, but I didn't know why he did. These were just muffins for a class we were forced to take.

"You're so cute, Kyle, but please don't try to bake anymore." I said it without even thinking, it just kind of slipped. I regretted it too, no matter how true it was.

Just as Kyle turned to face me we were interrupted by Cartman, "Shit!" Cartman swore, followed by the sound of a jar dropping and shattering. We looked over and saw applesauce all over the floor.

"Stan told you that would happen, you idiot!" Kenny lectured. Cartman and Kenny began arguing about whether or not it would've still happened if Cartman had been more careful.

I looked up at the spill of apple sauce, which was all over the aisle of the classroom. I watched as Tweek Tweak, who seemed pretty jittery today, slipped on it. "Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed.

"Shit!" Cartman said again, Kenny helped Tweek stand up.

Across the room Tweek's group, which was Token, Craig and Clyde, were watching too. Craig grabbed a plastic spoon and scooped out some of their apple sauce and then used the spoon as a catapult to launch the apple sauce in our direction. Sadly, Craig was a bad shot, he hit Bebe in the back of the head.

"What the hell?!" Bebe cried as she reached up to feel her apple sauce covered hair. Craig turned sheepishly away and went back to whatever he was doing.

"Oh my god Bebe! Who threw that at you?" I heard Wendy ask her.

"I don't know, but now my hair is all fucked up." Bebe groaned.

Meanwhile we were trying to fix our really fucked up muffins. Since we had no apple sauce Kyle just substituted water. "I don't think this'll work dude. Isn't the apple sauce used for like oil or some shit?" I asked him, thankfully we had moved on past my little comment earlier.

"It'll be fine." Kyle shrugged, I didn't think it would be fine. I felt something wet and sticky begin to drip down off my hat.

I quickly grabbed my hat off my head, it was covered in apple sauce. I turned around and Wendy was standing there with a smug look on her face. "That's for throwing apple sauce at Bebe."

"I didn't do that!" I protested, I ran a hand through my hair that was now all sticky and gross.

"You were probably just aiming for me and missed." Wendy retorted, she left after that. I just stood there dumbfounded until Kenny told me to help them clean up.

Our muffins didn't turn out. In fact, I don't think anyone who looked at them would think they were muffins. They were indistinguishable blobs with blueberries in them.

"This sucks you guys." Cartman said, when we threw away the muffins.

"I guess you should've been more careful when you opened the apple sauce, fatass." Kyle replied as we waited for the bell to ring.

"At least you're not covered in apple sauce." I sighed softly, I wanted to go home and take a shower.

"At least we didn't burn down the school." Kenny added.

"Not yet." Kyle laughed, we ask laughed with him because we knew that day would probably come.

After getting off the bus Kenny walked one way and Cartman, Kyle and I walked the other. "I need to go home and take a shower." I ran a hand through my sticky hair again, I had been doing it all day. My hair being clumpy and sticky bothered me, but there wasn't much I could do about it at the moment.

"I wanted to hang out with you today." Kyle commented.

"Fags." Cartman mumbled under his breath. Kyle just rolled his eyes in reply to him. I wondered if there was truth to Cartman's statement. I had been feeling weird lately, especially when I looked at Kyle or caught Kyle looking at me. It was a fuzzy feeling, almost like when I was with Wendy, but better. I didn't know if I liked it or not.

"I guess you can come over if you don't mind waiting for me to shower." I told him, we walked past Cartman's block but he continued walking with us.

"Sure." Kyle said, then he stopped. "Cartman you missed your block." He pointed out.

"I'm going to visit someone." Cartman stopped as well. I stopped too and looked back at them.

"Where are you going?" Kyle questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"None of your business, Jew." Cartman sneered as he continued walking. We all walked in silence and then Kyle and I turned down my road and went to my house.

"Cartman's been acting strange lately." I said, unlocking the door and letting us into my empty house.

"Yeah, I wonder what's up with him." Kyle walked in and slipped off his orange jacket to reveal his green sweater vest.

"You're such a fucking nerd." I teased as I took of my jacket too, I took off my backpack and left it near the front door.

"Yeah, but you dress like a wannabe emo kid." Kyle retorted, snickering.

I looked down at my outfit. I did admit I usually wore skinny jeans, but the random band shirt I had thrown on today wasn't helping my case about not having a 'wannabe emo' look. "What would you prefer I wore?" I asked him.

"Well if you were really asking I'd prefer you wear nothing at all." He said it so causally, as if it was an ordinary thing to say. I turned towards the stairs as I felt myself blush.

"I'm taking a shower." I mumbled, I started walking up the stairs.

"Don't think I didn't catch what you said in foods, Stan."

I turned around and Kyle was smiling smugly. I just shook my head, "I didn't mean it." Kyle looked slightly hurt for a moment. Shit, but I did mean it. "I mean-"

"Is everything weird now that you know I'm gay?" Kyle asked, cutting me off from further explanation. Which was good because I probably would've fucked it up more.

"No, why would you think that?" Things hadn't really been different. Kyle had been acting the same as he always had.

"Well, don't you guys worry about me checking you out?"

I thought about this for a moment, "No dude. I _know_ Kenny wouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind either. You'd have to be an idiot to actually check out Cartman though, so I don't think you do." I grinned, "It's just like being checked out by a girl Kye."

Kyle laughed and looked at me. "I'm sure most people would disagree with you on the it being the same thing."

I shrugged, "If you want we can send you off to live with Big Gay Al."

"I think I'll pass." Kyle smiled at me. He had a damn good smile. It made me feel fuzzy and warm.

"Besides even if you are gay, you'll still always be my best friend." I stated, I genuinely meant it too. "Everything's always better when we're together."

"Of course it is." Kyle agreed. For a moment I wondered if Kyle felt the same way when he looked at me or if he looked at me differently than all the other guys. I kind of wanted him too, maybe I was just being an attention whore. Except I liked it when Kyle and I could spend time alone together and his attention wasn't elsewhere.

I realized that this was fucking gay.

I needed to clear my mind so I actually went upstairs to take a shower. I took a cold shower because I felt like if I focused my attention on the coldness of the water I could get my mind off Kyle. I stood in the cold water and tried to think about something, anything, else. It wasn't working.

I washed my hair and got all the sticky apple sauce out of it. After it was clean I got out of the shower and dried off, wrapping a dark blue towel around my waist and then walking down the hall to my room. Kyle was laying on my bed when I got there.

He turned his head towards me and took a moment to look at me. He seemed to be studying my body or some shit. "Get out of my room so I can change." I said, walking over to dresser to get my clothes out.

"I'm going to go raid your pantry." Kyle informed me, standing to leave. I felt his eyes on me the whole way. I just figured he was happy to see some skin on someone- that was a real treat in South Park. Sometimes I forgot that people even had skin under all their layers of clothes. I wondered what Kyle's skin looked like, last time I saw it we were still kids. It was all smooth and freckly.

Kyle was one of those lucky kids who got acne when they were thirteen for like, a year, and then never got it again. With acne, braces and a Jew-fro middle school Kyle was far from good looking. I snickered to myself at the memory as I got dressed. I guess that it was almost impossible for anyone to look good in middle school. Except after Kyle grew out of that awkward phase, he got really attractive.

Once I was dressed I walked downstairs to find Kyle. He was digging through my fridge, looking for something to eat. "You guys have no healthy food." He complained, grabbing a thing of yogurt, then he went to the silverware drawer to get a spoon. Kyle was diabetic, so he had to worry about things like that. I never really put though into what I ate, but surprisingly I wasn't as fat as Cartman.

"Sorry dude, my parents need to go to the store." I watched as Kyle ate the yogurt.

"How's your dad?" He asked suddenly. "He always used to be up to weird shit, you know?"

I laughed lightly, "You dad was alway up to weird shit too."

"Yeah, he's too obsessed with money." Kyle said softly, "It's damn annoying."

If Cartman was with us in sure he'd make some comment about why the reason Kyle's dad was such a penny pincher because he's a Jew. I decided to not be an asshole today, so I just smiled.

"I think I'm getting a cold, dude. I don't wanna get sick again, that'll mean I'll probably have to miss school." Kyle sighed. Even colds were pretty bad for him, I felt bad for him. I would hate getting as sick as him all the time.

"You're about the only person I know who could afford to miss a few days of school." I told him as I walked over to the pantry to look for something to eat.

"Yeah, but the make up work sucks ass." I heard him throw away his yogurt container and put the spoon in the sink.

I found a bag of cheesy poofs and decided to eat those. "I bet." I replied as I took the bag and walked into the living room. Kyle followed me and we both sat on the couch as I ate a few cheesy poofs at a time. Damn, I had forgotten how good these were. "So why did you want to hang out?"

"Do I need a reason to hang out with my best friend?" Kyle asked innocently, flashing a smile in my direction.

"I know you're up to something, dude."

"Fine, fine. It's just that Kenny pointed out to me that you've been sad lately so I wanted to cheer you up." Kyle smiled at me.

"I'm fine dude." I shrugged, sure I was still a little upset about Wendy but it wasn't as bad as before.

"You've been acting weird." Kyle commented, he took off his hat and shook out his curly locks. Had Kyle realized that I had been thinking about him a lot lately. I wondered if he could secretly read my mind. Or what if what if I had said something and completely forgotten? Well I did call him cute today, but that doesn't count.

"Weird?" I questioned, "How so?" I set the bag of Cheesy Poofs down on the table and turned to face Kyle. His emerald eyes met mine and then they crinkled at the corners when he smiled at me.

"You know, just distant. So tell me what's been going on inside your head." I broke the eye contact and shook my head.

"It's really complicated dude. I just..." I trailed off wondering it I should tell him about what I had really been thinking about. I thought about how many times in the past two weeks I had jerked off thinking about Kyle (It was twice but that's two times too many).

"You know you can tell me anything, Stan. I'm your super best friend." I felt him rest a reassuring hand on my shoulder, I glanced at him and he quickly pulled it away as if something had bit him. "I mean, if you want to share." He added quickly.

"Well, I think I might have feelings for someone else." I confessed, "But I can't really accept it because it's not Wendy." The last part was a lie. I couldn't except it because the feelings were for Kyle fucking Broflovski.

"Dude, you've had a crush on her since like second grade. Don't you think it's time to move on?" Kyle asked this with irritation in his voice.

"I want to move on, I just don't know if I can. Especially with this person." I mumbled. I had my eyes glued on my feet. I didn't know if I could really actually like Kyle. It was all too fucking weird for me.

Kyle was my best friend, he always had been. I loved him, but in a friendly way, at least I thought so. He made me happy with the little things he did, like they way he chewed the eraser of his pencil when he was studying and in deep thought or the way his laugh was so light it floated around the room like a butterfly on the wind. Or the way his eyes shined like stars when he was happy or when his face got as red as a tomato when he was pissed off. It was all so cute, Kyle was cute.

Fuck.

Now I was using similes to describe Kyle. I had forgotten he was even in the room with me, he had become so silent. I looked at him, trying to judge his reaction of what I said. His brow was furrowed in thought and his gaze was on the coffee table. "Who is it?" He asked suddenly, cutting through the silence.

"It's not even important." I reached for the tv remote and turned on the tv, hoping to avoid this conversation.

"Come on Stan, tell me!" Kyle was persistent, he didn't seem like he would be letting up soon anytime either.

"I can't tell you dude, it's top secret." I shrugged and kept my eyes on tv and not on Kyle.

"Is it Bebe? How about Red? Heidi?" Kyle asked expectantly. I just ignored him. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want Kyle to find out unless he had to. I couldn't talk to any about having a crush on Kyle specifically, Cartman would tell everyone and school and Kenny would try to force a relationship. I could still talk to Kenny and Kyle about liking a guy though.

Maybe.

"Tell me or I'll... Break a lamp." Kyle stated, slicing through my thoughts and bringing me back to the present moment.

"What the fuck?" I asked, turning to him. He jumped up off the couch and picked up a lamp that was on the end table.

"I swear to god I'll do it." Kyle looked me in the eyes. I knew he was going to do it, but there was no way I could tell him.

"Dude no-"

"Three... two..." Kyle started, damn he wasn't easing up. Now I only had one second before- "One!" Kyle dropped the lamp and it shattered on the hardwood floor and went everywhere.

"Dude, what the hell? My parents are going to kill me!" I looked around at all the broken glass.

"Jesus, you should've just told me." Kyle said, smiling smugly. He slipped his hands in the pocket of his jacket. "Sorry that was impulsive of me." He added softly.

"You think?" I asked, sarcasm thick in my voice. I heard the front door open and in walked my dad.

"What the hell happened here?" He asked as he stepped into the living room.

"Kyle broke a lamp." I informed him.

"Stan, I'm going to have to ground you. Your mom would kill me if I left you get away with this." My dad shook his head.

"But dad, Kyle broke the lamp." I insisted.

"Well I can't ground Kyle, he's not my kid. So you're grounded, you can't leave the house." My dad said this like it was a final decision but I figured I could persuade him.

"What about school?"

My dad sighed, "Fine you can go to school, but no tv."

"Okay... But the tv in my room is broken." I told him. I could see Kyle grinning in the corner of my eye, what an asshole.

"Fine then no computer."

"I need the computer for school though." This was partially true. I only used it part of the time for actual school work, but I didn't want to lose my computer.

"Fine... Then um..." My dad glanced around the room and then his eyes settled on Kyle who was looking at the glass. "No Kyle."

"What? No Kyle?!" I inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, no Kyle, don't talk to him for the next two weeks."

Kyle laughed, "You're joking right?" He asked him, my dad shook his head.

"You need to go home, Stan is grounded." He informed Kyle, like I wasn't in the room.

"Hey! This is stupid-" I started but my dad cut me off.

"It's for the best."

Kyle put his hat on his head. "I'll see you later, Mr. Marsh." He smiled slightly and then he left without saying bye to me. I guess I was grounded form him, whatever the fuck that meant.

"No will you clean up this mess Stanley, for Christ's sake!" My dad exclaimed as he left the room.

I sighed as I went to go get the broom too sweep up the glass.

Getting all the bits of glass took a lot longer than expected. Once I was finished my mom almost had dinner ready. I walked in the kitchen and found her setting the table. "Will you go get your dad, Stanley?" She asked me sweetly. I nodded and went and found my dad, who was surprisingly outside playing with Sparky.

Sparky was old. His face was graying and his eyes seemed to sink back into his head. He still always wagged his tail though. And he was still gay as hell.

"Mom says it's time to eat." I called to my dad. He stopped playing with the dog and came inside to eat. I glanced around my backyard and looked at all the mounds. I shivered, I still couldn't believe there were bodies under those. I also couldn't believe that my fucking goldfish had killed them. I turned away sand went inside.

Ever since Shelly had moved out dinner had gotten so quiet. My grandpa had died last year too, except he rarely talked so it didn't make a difference. At least Grandpa had finally gotten what he asked for all these years, the sweet release of death.

We had spaghetti for dinner. Spaghetti had to be my least favorite food. I liked the taste just fine, it's just the shape of the noodles that really bugged me. When I was younger Cartman told me that spaghetti noodles were snakes, even though it's been years I just can't get that thought out of my head when I eat spaghetti. God, I fucking hate snakes.

"Stanley broke a lamp today." My dad informed my mom.

"I didn't break the lamp!" I defended, "It was Kyle."

"Why would you break a lamp?" My mom asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I told you, it wasn't me it was Kyle." I insisted. Why didn't they believe me?

"I grounded him from Kyle for two weeks." My dad announced proudly.

"Randy, don't you think that's a little harsh? Kyle is a good boy." My mom sounded slightly annoyed, but who would've be annoyed by my dad?

"Sharon, just trust me on this one okay?" They held eye contact for a moment and then they both smiled. I shook my head and looked at my mostly eaten plate of spaghetti.

I stood up to throw the rest of it away, I had thought too much about the snakes. I put my dishes in the sink and then looked at my parents. "I'm going to go do homework."

They nodded in response and I walked upstairs to my room. I sat down at my desk to do school work but then I realized I had left my backpack down stairs earlier. I unplugged my laptop and went and flopped down on my bed.

I decided to get lost in the depths of YouTube.

It was a mistake.

Soon I glanced at the time and it was midnight. Damn, who knew how many cute puppy videos there were online. I sighed deeply realizing that I had put off my homework for too long. I closed my laptop on a video of a puppy running through the snow for the first time.

I stood, stretched and yawned. If I wanted to pass my classes this year I'd better try harder. I guess that tonight would be the first all nighter of the school year.

 **I meant to update this sooner whoops. I'll try to have the next chapter up sometime in the next few days~! Thanks for all the follows and reviews, they mean a lot!**


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning it snowed. I stood at the bus stop alone and watched it fall. Snow was fun to look at when you're running on two hours of sleep and a cup of coffee (that may have been spiked with a bit of whiskey). I stared at the snow and then closed my eyes. If I tried, I could sleep standing up.

I heard foot steps and then opened my eyes to see Kenny with a cigarette hanging from his lips. "Hey dude." I greeted.

"Jesus, you look like you haven't slept in a decade." Kenny commented. He took a long drag off his cigarette, probably trying to finish it before the bus came.

"I only got two hours of sleep." I informed him. He just shook his head as we waited for the bus. I put my hands into my pockets and closed my eye groaning, "I didn't ask for this."

"You two should stop slouching so much." Kyle, who seemed to have had just appeared out of thin air, commented.

"I'm grounded from you remember." I informed Kyle, opening my eyes and looked at him. "Thanks for breaking my lamp." I said, my voice thick with sarcasm.

Kyle shrugged and smiled slyly. "You know, I wouldn't have had to break that lamp if you would've just told me who you had a crush on."

"Stan has a crush on someone?" Kenny asked, he finished his cigarette and then dropped it in the growing snow on the ground.

Kyle stepped in front of me so he was closer to Kenny. "Yeah dude, I'm just trying to figure out which girl it is." Kyle explained to Kenny. In my tipsy and exhausted state I found it funny that Kyle thought I had a crush on a girl. I mean, I did call him cute once, I just figured he would've picked up on it just a little by now. I subconsciously laughed, making both of the turn towards me.

"What's so funny, Stan?" Kenny questioned.

"Nothing." I shrugged, but laughed again because that both looked so concerned. "I just spiked my coffee a little this morning."

"Man, goals." Kenny mumbled.

Kyle frowned slightly, "Why were you drinking before school?"

"I only got two hours of sleep last night. It's fine, it wasn't that much." I dismissed with a wave of my hand. The bus turned down the street and saved me from any further conversation for the moment.

"Cartman's not here, that's surprising." Kenny observed. No wonder it had been so quiet.

"Yeah, he's been acting strange. Maybe his mom sent him off to fat camp." Kyle remarked coldly. Ever since Cartman had found out Kyle was gay the string of insults between those two hadn't stopped for a second. Cartman's were always much worse than Kyle's, but Kyle had been coping.

Sometimes I would see hurt flash across Kyle's face when Cartman's comments got too bad. Usually Kenny would break them up by saying something to Cartman. I still felt bad for Kyle though. Sometimes he looked like a lost puppy that still trusted everyone and kept ending up getting hurt. Kyle could put up with Cartman's bullshit, but there was a line and sometimes he definitely crossed it. I worried about Kyle on those days except he usually just needed time to cool off. At least he didn't completely shut down when he was hurt, like I did.

We got on the bus and Kyle and I went to our usual seat in the back. We had been sitting back there since we were eight years old. To my surprise Cartman was already on the bus when we got on, he was sitting next to Wendy and seemed to be engaged in a conversation with her.

The bus ride to school was silent. Kyle seemed worried about me though, I just looked out the window the whole time. I could feel him watching me though, and I could almost see the concern painted on his face.

I fell asleep in first period, but so did Clyde so I at least I wasn't alone. The teacher threatened us with detention but somehow we got off the hook. I was happy too, because I probably would've just fallen asleep in detention.

Bebe and I walked to our next class, history, together. Ever since Wendy and I broke up and Kenny had moved on from Bebe she seemed to be clingy towards me. I didn't know how to tell her to fuck off kindly though so I just let her be. "You look so tired today." Bebe said, then she giggled softly as she linked an arm though mine.

"Mmhmm." I replied, half heartedly and uninterested. I think she was talking to me but I was distracted because I saw Kyle and Kenny talking to each other down the hallway. They seemed to be standing closer than usual and Kyle seemed to be leaning into the conversation. Kenny was grinning and making Kyle laugh, I felt something stir inside of me. Kyle grabbed one of Kenny's hands too look at it, they were all bandaged up, he held it in his hand for a second. Then he smiled at him and dropped it as they parted ways to go to class.

I was jealous. I had never seen Kyle and Kenny interact like that before. I couldn't be jealous, they were just friends, right? Then again, it was Kenny. They could be fucking each other and both be acting chill about it. Since Kyle wanted to keep his sexuality on the low and Kenny didn't talk about his causally fuck buddy relationships it could be possible.

"Stan?" Bebe asked as we stopped outside of English. "You haven't answered my question yet."

Shit.

I was so caught up in Kyle and Kenny that I hadn't heard a word that she said. "What was it again?" I asked, sheepishly.

"Do you want to come see a movie with me on Friday? Wendy's coming with her new boyfriend." Bebe was slightly annoyed, probably because I had missed her whole story. Wendy had a new boyfriend? I probably would've known that if I'd been paging attention. I was curious though.

"Yeah sure." I replied simply. Bebe's face brightened at my response.

"Yay! Just meet at the movie theater at seven, okay?" She said this clearly, making sure I was listening. Jesus, she must've really cared.

"I'll be there." I smiled at her and she returned the smile. I walked to my seat and sat down right as the bell rang. I sighed and looked at the clock, only two and a half more hours until lunch.

At lunch I felt worse than I did in the morning. Kyle didn't sit by me either, he sat next to Kenny. Cartman sat next to me. "I think I'm getting sick." Kyle groaned, "I feel like shit."

"I feel like shit too." I rested my head on the table and closed my eyes. I had been stewing about Kenny and Kyle too much. I was also thinking about Wendy and her new boyfriend. Who could it be?

"Where were you this morning, Cartman?" Kenny asked.

"I was with a friend." Cartman replied. I lifted my head to look at him. "Oh my god Stan, you look like death."

"Thanks fatass." I scowled at him. He just gave me a funny look.

"It's probably because you drank before school." Kyle chimed in very matter-of-factly.

"Jesus, it was just once." I groaned, "It won't happen again." That was a lie. It happened often, I would just stop telling them about it. I think they knew though, especially Kyle.

"There's probably an AA meeting today." Cartman quipped as he took another bite of his sandwich.

"You're the cum shot your mom should've swallowed." I mumbled, taking off my hat to run a hand through my hair.

"Here's a straw so you can suck my ass." Cartman threw a straw that he had been drinking his milk with at me.

"I'm going to decline that invitation." I responded, getting up and throwing away the rest of my lunch.

"I forgot you weren't a fag, since I'm surrounded by them all day." Cartman explained to me, gesturing to Kyle and Kenny. I just sighed and sat down next to him. I couldn't let Cartman find out that I had feelings for Kyle.

"I'm going to go smoke." Kenny declared, standing.

"I'm coming with you." Kyle said quickly, standing as well. Kyle didn't smoke. In fact he hated it, so why would he be going? I felt that strange jealousy return.

"Can I come too?" I asked a little too eagerly. "I don't want to be left alone with Cartman." I followed up quickly. Kenny nodded and the three of us all walked outside and off school grounds.

We sat on the curb near the edge of a foresty area. Snow was now blanketing the ground, I shivered, I should've worn more than just my jacket. "I'm glad the snow's back." Kyle commented, "It's so boring without it." He was sitting in between me and Kenny, as if something bad would happen if we sat next to each other.

I nodded in agreement with Kyle. "Give me a smoke, Kenny." I said, reaching towards him. He laid a cigarette and his lighter in my hand. I lit it and then tossed the lighter back to him. I smiled slightly as I took a long drag off the cigarette. I usually didn't smoke (drinking was more my style) but today it felt relaxing.

We all just sat in silence as Kenny and I smoked. Kenny finished his cigarette and then stood. "We're already late for foods." He informed us.

"It's foods, it'll be fine if we miss a day, or are late, or whatever." I decided. Foods was an easy class, I actually had an A in it, despite all the muffin mishap.

"Yeah, but it's my favorite class, I'm going to go." Kenny stated, before he left I got another cigarette and lit off my old one. "Are you coming Kyle?" Kyle shook his head. I dropped my first cigarette butt in the snow.

"Why the hell are you smoking?" Kyle questioned irritatedly.

I shrugged in response. "You don't get mad at Kenny for smoking." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well that's different. He's Kenny, you're Stan. You don't smoke."

"How do you know what I do and don't do?" I was starting to get annoyed now.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Jesus Christ." He murmured, "I'm worried about you Stan."

"Don't be. I'm fine." I insisted as I stood. "Come on we need to go back to class." I dropped the rest of the cigarette into the snow, I didn't really want to finish it anyways. Kyle and I walked back towards the school.

During foods I came up with the perfect idea. I figured it would be hard to get Kyle to talk about Kenny, but I figured it would be easy to get Kenny to talk. I wanted to know. I couldn't invite Kyle over anyways because I was grounded from him.

"Hey Kenny, do you want to come over after school today?" I questioned after foods was over.

"Yeah sure." Kenny shrugged, I smiled. Now if only I could think of the perfect way to bring the subject of Kyle up.

Kenny sat on my bed eating a bag of potato chips. I hadn't said anything to him yet, I just sat at my desk and watched him eat. "So uh, what've you been up to lately?" I asked to fill the silence.

"Not much." Kenny shrugged and glanced at me. He stopped eating the chips and we just looked at each other. "So, what do you know?"

"Huh?" I questioned, confused. I was lost, I didn't know anything. Everything I thought was happening was just an assumption. But something was going on, maybe I wasn't going crazy.

I decided to take a shot, "About you and Kyle..." I trailed off, hoping Kenny would finish the thought for me.

"I should've know he would tell you." Kenny shook his head, "So yeah that happened."

I still had no idea what happened. I guess I had to say something now because I needed to know. "Dude wait, I don't know what happened. I just guessed." I confessed to him.

"That was a guess? Holy shit. How did you know?" Kenny looked surprised.

"It wasn't that hard to tell. You two were acting clingy today." I pointed out. I tried to not let my jealousy show but I'm pretty sure I sounded irritated. I didn't have anyone to be mad at except myself. No one knew I liked Kyle, I still couldn't really accept it.

"Hmm, that's true." Kenny sighed, "We hooked up yesterday."

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, I knew it. Kenny was clearly oblivious to my emotions, lucky for me. I was annoyed and I knew it was visible.

"Yeah it was great. I mean Kyle is so adorable, like for real dude I don't know how I didn't notice before. His hair is just, oh my god." Kenny gushed, "He's so attractive holy shit. He's even better in bed than I could've imagined, which is strange because he seems like such a goodie two shoes most of the time. He can suck dick really good though-"

"Kenny." I interrupted.

"Hmm?" Kenny stopped his story and looked at me again. I was going to tell him, I needed to tell him. If I didn't tell him he would keep sleeping with Kyle and they would keep acting all lovey in school.

The problem is, I couldn't do it. Shit, I shouldn't have stopped him. Now he was waiting for me to say something and I didn't have anything to say. "You need to stop sleeping with Kyle." I said as a lame cover up.

"What? Why do you care?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Because Bebe's been hitting on me and I need that shit to stop. She misses you." I lied, "And what about Butters? You seemed really interested in him like, yesterday."

"Well for one, Bebe is a bitch. Butters just seems too hard to get into bed." Kenny explained and then he went back to eating chips.

"Bebe asked me out on a date, with Wendy and her new boyfriend. I agreed to go, but I don't really want to." I told him. I was mad at myself for chickening out, but I decided I just needed to change the subject. Kenny was hard to talk to sometimes.

It's not that I didn't trust him, it was just weird talking to him. I usually talked to Kyle about everything that was going on, I couldn't just switch and talk to Kenny. I decided if anyone was going to find out about my feeling for Kyle, Kyle had to be first to know.

"I'll come with you." Kenny said, smiling, "I'll bring Kyle too. Then maybe it won't be so awkward for you and Bebe to be alone, because let's face it; Wendy and her new man will probably ditch you two." He laughed and then grinned.

I didn't want Kenny to bring Kyle with him, I couldn't stand the thought of them being together. I needed to get it together though, before I did something I would really regret. "Yeah, it would be great if you guys came." I forced a smile.

"This'll be really fun. I haven't been to the movies in a long ass time." Kenny finished off the rest of the chips.

I nodded, I wasn't looking forward to it. "Wanna go play video games or something?" I asked, standing up, I slipped off my hat and ran a hand through my hair. Kenny nodded and stood as well.

We played video games until my mom made us come and eat dinner.

At dinner my parents seemed happy that I was hanging out with Kenny instead of Kyle. Maybe they knew what I had been hiding from everyone. "I'm glad you stayed for dinner, Kenny." My mom said, smiling sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm glad that Stan has a friend like you. He's grounded from Kyle, you know?" My dad informed Kenny as he took a bite of mashed potatoes.

"So I've heard." Kenny chuckled and glanced at me. "Kyle's not a bad kid though."

"I know, I just don't want him and Stan to hang around too much. People might think that they're, well... Funny." My dad seemed uncomfortable in saying this, my mom shot him a look. The thing was, I already was 'funny' for Kyle. If by funny he meant gay.

"You told me the same thing when I was eight." I pointed out. Not much has changed in mine and Kyle's relationship since then. My dad just shrugged and went back to eating.

Dinner was mostly silent after that. Occasionally Kenny would comment about how good the food was, or my mom would talk about something crazy that had happened to her today. I told them about how tired I was, man I needed to fucking sleep.

After dinner Kenny had to go home so I decided to go upstairs and go to bed. I grabbed my phone and noticed I had a text from Kyle, it just said to call him when I got the chance. I groaned but call him anyways. I decided Kyle was more important than sleep.

He answered after two rings, "Dude I have so much to tell you." He sounded really happy. I didn't know if I could stand listening to him talk about Kenny.

"Kenny already told me about some of it... Well the hooking up part." I yawned as I crawled under the covers.

"Yeah..." Kyle laughed after a minute, "It was nice." He admitted.

"Mhmm." I replied. I didn't want to lay here and have Kyle tell me all the same things Kenny had told me earlier. I listened anyways though because that's what friends are for.

Kyle talked for a lot longer than Kenny did. Damn, he seemed to really like him. Every time he mentioned that Kenny's eyes were "deep like the ocean" or "as blue as the sky" I felt myself get a little more jealous. I almost felt bad because compared to Kyle's interest in Kenny, Kenny seemed like he had a little kid with a crush. Kyle seemed to be in love, but I thought he was jumping into it too fast. Maybe I just wanted to convince myself that he was, and that maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance that I could confess and everything would end like a fairytale.

"I want Kenny to be my boyfriend." Kyle stated, he sounded so sure that it almost hurt me.

"What? Are you sure?" I asked, sitting upright in bed. Kyle and Kenny couldn't get into a relationship.

"Yeah." I could almost hear Kyle smiling through the phone. I tried to think of reasons this relationship wouldn't work, why it shouldn't start in the first place. I was grasping at straws.

"Dude, you hooked up with him once. I don't think you should be jumping into a relationship right away, he's Kenny." I spurted, it was a lame excuse but it was all I had right now.

"Dude I've know him all my life though." Kyle argued, "Besides Kenny is pretty attractive." I didn't want to think about Kenny being attractive. I couldn't think of him being attractive, I could only think about Kyle at the moment.

Kyle who had cute marmalade curls. Kyle who's laugh floated through the air and filled up the room. Kyle who got red in the face every time he got insulted by Cartman. Beautiful, perfect Kyle.

Damn, I guess there was no denying my feelings for Kyle now.

While I was off in fantasy land Kyle had still been talking- ranting, about why it was a good idea to date Kenny. I realized, as I listened to him talk about Kenny, that I wasn't being very supportive of him. Kyle had always been supportive of me and the things I did, even if it was getting back together with Wendy for the eleventh time. Sometimes I wondered what Kyle would do if it was the other way around. Kyle was so selfless and kind, he always seemed to be doing something good.

Too bad I wasn't anything like Kyle.

I was a selfish bastard. I didn't want Kyle to date Kenny, and I didn't care of Kenny's feelings got hurt in the process. Kenny's feelings probably wouldn't get hurt anyways, he'd just move on to someone else. Kyle would end up getting hurt in the end, I thought that was pretty obvious to see

"Kyle." I cut him off mid rant. "I'm just worried about you Kye. Kenny doesn't really get into relationships, he just kind of sleeps around." I pointed out, I absentmindedly pulled a thread out of my comforter.

"Stan, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll make sure to take things slow with him I guess... I don't know." Kyle sighed, "We haven't really had time to talk. My parents don't really like him and all."

"Yeah, well he is Kenny Mcwhoremick." I snickered, Kyle laughed too, we both knew it was true.

"I'll just have to convince them that he's not that bad." Kyle continued, he didn't even miss a beat. He really had his heart set on dating Kenny. I felt my heart sink slightly at that thought. I didn't want to lose Kyle, I wanted him to be mine.

I couldn't understand why this was so difficult for me. When I had a crush on Wendy it was easy to tell her I liked her (besides the occasional throwing up). With Kyle it was a completely different story. I felt afraid to let him know. Jesus, what was wrong with me?

I yawned tiredly, "Kyle? Can I go to sleep? We can talk about this tomorrow."

Kyle sighed softly on the other end of the line, "Yeah, sleep good dude."

"Goodnight." I said to him before I hung up. God, Kyle and I even gave each other goodnight calls. It couldn't get much gayer than this.

I woke up the next morning for school and I was in physical pain. I felt like I had been thrown off a building. I groaned as I got out of bed, quickly throwing on my clothes. I didn't want to be late, that would be about the worst thing right now. I glanced out the window and saw that there was already a blanket of snow covering the town, dammit I wish we got snow days.

After eating a bagel for breakfast and really debating weather I should drink some spiked coffee again, I left for the bus stop. I really wanted that coffee, but I knew Kyle would be upset if he knew I was drinking. I decided if I acted like a better person maybe Kyle would like me more than Kenny, except Kenny wasn't really an outstanding citizen.

When I got to the bus stop only Cartman was there. "Hey fatass." I greeted as I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets. It was so unnaturally quiet without the sound of Kyle and Cartman fighting.

"Morning hippie." Cartman replied. We stood in silence and waited for the bus. I never really hung out with Cartman alone, it was weird to do so. I always felt as if there was tension between us because of the way he treated Kyle, I mean I usually took Kyle's side in every argument.

Just as the bus turned the corner Kenny ran up to the bus stop. "Hey!" He said, out of breath from the run. "Where's Kyle?"

I shrugged, "Dunno." I replied halfheartedly, but I was wondering where he was too. He almost never missed school.

School was pretty quiet without Kyle there. I didn't get so much as a text from him. Kenny seemed worried all day too, at lunch he went out and smoked the whole time, then he was late to foods.

I was annoyed at this. Kenny had never seemed to care for Kyle before now, but now he suddenly did. Kenny didn't seem too care much for anyone really. Most of the time he seemed emotionally detached and absent, but now he seemed to be really worried. If Kenny cared for Kyle my whole plan of their relationship crashing before it even takes off was ruined.

I gave Kenny the cold shoulder all day, even Cartman noticed. Kenny was blissfully unaware.

When the day was over and we were getting off the bus Kenny put a hand on my shoulder. "Wanna go check up on Kyle, you know, make sure he's still alive?" The question was accompanied by a crooked smile.

It never occurred to me that Kyle could've been seriously hurt. "He could actually be dead dude!" I pointed out to him. I doubted that he was, his mom would make it known to the whole town that Kyle was dead before noon.

Kenny waved his hand dismissively, "Dying isn't even that big of a deal. No one seemed to care when it happened to me." He stated.

I just raised and eyebrow. "If you died, then how are you here?" I asked. Kenny sometimes said things like this. When we were in middle school he tried to convince us that he died a lot as a kid. We never really understood his motives though, I guess it was just a joke or something.

Kenny shook his head, "Let's go to Kyle's." Cartman had slipped away during our conversation, I wondered where he was alway off too after school in such a hurry.

I sighed as I started to follow Kenny to Kyle's house. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to see them together. But it was either go make sure Kyle was okay or wait in suspense. I decided Kyle was more important that being uncomfortable for awhile.

 **Hey! I know I've been gone for a long time but I got grounded and didn't get the chance to update. I'm back now so the updates should be more regular from now on. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you guys are so sweet! A new chapter will be up soon~**


	5. Chapter 5

Kenny knocked on the Broflovski's front door. Ike answered, at first he just had his normal blank eyed stare, but when he saw Kenny his eyes lit up. His eyes widened and his smile grew until it spread across his face. "Kenny!" Ike exclaimed, "Did you come to teach me an important life lesson today?"

Kenny smiled, "Sure, but it has to be a short one today." He put his hands in his pockets and thought for a moment. Ike was only eleven, and sometimes I worried about what Kenny was teaching him. "Okay so here it is, there is enough sperm in one single man to impregnate every woman on the planet. So what I'm sayin' is you have a gift in your pants."

I just stared at Kenny, he looked so proud and Ike looked so happy. "What the hell Kenny?" I asked, I was mostly just wondering how he knew this, or why he knew this.

"It's a rock fact!" Kenny stated happily, he turned back to Ike. Ike looked very pleased with this newly acquired information.

"Oh my god! This is so neat-o!" Ike exclaimed happily. He was on the road to corruption, but he was still so young. He just said 'neat-o' for Christ's sake.

"Is Kyle home?" Kenny asked Ike.

Ike nodded, "Yeah-! He's upstairs." Ike moved out of the doorway letting us in. Kenny and I walked up to Kyle's room and knocked on the door. We waited for a moment and there was no response. "Maybe he's sleeping." I suggested.

Kenny shrugged and then opened the door. Inside the room there was a soft whirr of a fan, and the sound of Kyle breathing. Kyle was laying under a mountain of blankets and used tissues were strewn across his comforter. Kenny and I walked over to his bedside. Kyle was asleep, his hat laying on his pillow like it had fallen off. "Look at how sweet he is." Kenny cooed.

I swear he was doing this just to piss me off. What was he up to? Kenny didn't just fall in love with people, Kyle didn't just sleep around. This was all too weird, all too hard for me to believe.

Kyle stirred when Kenny talked. His emerald eyes fluttered open and he glanced between the two of us. "Huh? What are you guys doing here?" Kyle asked, his voice was scratchy and low.

"We're here to check on you." I told him, he looked pale and tired.

"I'm glad you woke me up, I've been asleep all day." Kyle shifted into a sitting position and looked at us both.

"I wish I had been asleep all day." Kenny stated, sitting down on the end he if Kyle's bed. He ran a hand through his blonde hair then let his arm fall at his side.

I just looked at them, I didn't know what I was doing here. I felt weird being here, like they had some joke they were leaving me out of. I didn't have anything to say to them though. "Stan you look upset." Kyle commented, he looked worried, Kyle always looked slightly worried.

"Nah, I'm just tired." I shrugged slightly, "And I'm not looking forward to going out to see that movie with Bebe."

"Hey man, I told you I'd come. Kyle will probably come too if he's better." Kenny glanced at Kyle, who nodded.

"Yeah, it's just that, I don't like Bebe. Like, as in and I don't want to date her, I feel like I'm leading her on or something." I sat down next to Kenny on the edge of the bed.

Kenny patted me on the back, "You have a lot to learn. You're not leading her on. Just sleep with her once to at least get something out of it." Kenny laughed. I shook my head.

"You guys, it was real sweet of you to come check up on me and all, but I think I might be contagious. I don't want to get you guys sick." Kyle smiled weakly, "I'll probably be back in school on Thursday, Friday at the latest."

"You know, you're more likely to catch a cold from someone by sitting next them on a couch then by full on making out with them. So what I'm saying is wanna wake out?" Kenny asked with a cheeky grin.

Kyle laughed horsely, Kenny joined in his laughter. I groaned softly, I prayed to God that they wouldn't keep this up.

Kyle returned to school on Friday. He still had a cough but he spent the who day assuring me (and Kenny) that he was alright. At lunch he hardly ate anything though, but I figured that was a part of the sickness.

I watched Kyle all day, it was like I had missed seeing him for the time he was gone. Kenny was always hovering around Kyle though, they'd talk and laugh together. At one point Cartman noticed me staring and hit in the back of the head and said, "Stop staring at Kahl you stupid fag."

I was worried that someone knew how I really felt. I hoped Cartman didn't know how I really felt. If anyone was to know it should be Kyle, too bad I was still grounded from him. I wished that we were able to hang out, but we were going to the movies tonight so maybe I could talk to him then. Except coming out to my best friend in a movie theater wasn't my first choice.

Bebe had been talking nonstop about how excited she was to see the movie, which happened to be a new Marvel movie. She was especially happy to be going to see it with me as her 'date'. I still hadn't found a way to break it to her that I wasn't into her.

After school I was putting my books in my locker and she walked up and snaked her arms around me giving me a hug. "Are you excited for the movie tonight?" She asked as I closed my locker.

"Yeah." I answered half heartedly. I was excited for the movie, I wasn't excited to go hang out with Bebe and watch Kyle and Kenny flirt with each other all night.

Just then Kyle walked by and he stopped for a moment. I looked at him, we made eye contact and I gave him a save-me-please look. Kyle walked over, "Hey guys."

Bebe let go of me and turned to Kyle, smiling. "Hey Kyle, are you excited to go see that movie tonight?" I had told Bebe that Kenny and Kyle were coming with us, she didn't seem to mind.

"Oh yeah, it looked really good." Kyle smiled sweetly, damn he was so cute. I couldn't believe that he wanted to date Kenny.

"Bebe, come on we have to go!" Called Wendy from down the hall. She was standing next to Cartman.

"I'll see you two tonight." Bebe smiled and then walked off down the hall towards them. I looked at Cartman, he flipped me off. I wondered what he was up too.

"Do you wanna hang out before we go to the movie? We haven't hung out in awhile." Kyle said, he looked at me and smiled. It was then that I realized how much shorter I was then him.

"I'm grounded from you." I replied, "My dad called your mom and told her to not let me come over."

"Jesus Christ, our parents are insane." Kyle sighed, "We can go to the pond, at least then we can hang out."

"Yeah, let's go." We started to walk to the pond through the snow. It had stopped snowing but there was still about four inches in the ground.

"Jesus, I hate the snow." Kyle mumbled, "When I'm older I'm going to move to someplace warm, like Florida."

"Florida is too far away." I told him, we got to the clearing where the pond was. It was frozen over as it always was this time of year.

"Yeah, I don't know about Florida. Maybe California." Kyle stopped at the edge of the frozen lake. I walked up and stood next to him.

"California could be nice." I replied, he nodded in response. "You probably shouldn't be out here in the snow, you might catch another cold."

"Eh, it's worth it to hang out with you." Kyle smiled, I looked at him. Maybe I should've just told him I liked him right then and there. He was acting so weird with the whole Kenny thing.

"Remember how I told you I had a crush on someone?" I asked, tearing my gaze away from him.

"Yeah, but I figured out who it is."

"What? Really? Who is it?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows.

"It's Bebe, obviously." Kyle stated, he seemed a bit upset, It was over in a second though. Maybe I had just imagined it. Maybe I wanted Kyle to be upset, I did want him to like me back. I was getting no where though, I was just getting jealous of Kenny and Kyle.

"What? No dude, you've got it all wrong. I don't like Bebe like that." I shook my head, "Do you really see me dating Bebe?"

"Well she always flirts with you and you agreed to go on this date thing with her." Kyle pointed out.

"I felt pressured, I don't actually like her." I wanted him to stop before it got any worse.

"Oh, then who do you like?" Kyle asked immediately, he seemed to have a one track mind.

"I'm not going to tell you." I picked up a handful of snow and formed a snowball in my hand.

"Dude, you don't just bring shit up if you're not going to talk about it!" Kyle complained, crossing his arms. "Come on, tell me."

"Fuck off Kyle." I laughed and threw the snowball at him, hitting him in the face. "It's no big deal." I wanted the subject to change, even if it meant I got pelted with a hoard of snowballs.

I did end up getting pelted with a hoard of snowballs.

Kyle had dropped the subject, at least for today, and attacked me with snowballs. Things got pretty intense in our snowball fight, I guess he was annoyed that I wouldn't tell him. He climbed a tree to get a better shot at me, it worked. "You shouldn't have started it, do you want to give up now?" Kyle asked, still sitting in the tree.

"Yes, I give up." I laughed, I was covered in snow from head to toe. Kyle laughed and climbed down the tree. I dusted myself off as best I could but I was already soaking wet. "Jesus, I'm gonna have to go home and change."

"That sucks for you, next time you throw snow at me, remember this." Kyle seemed pleased.

I grabbed my phone out of my backpack that I had discarded in the snow. "Shit dude, we have to be at the theater in like thirty minutes."

"You better go home and change, I'll see you soon." Kyle smiled, then we parted ways. When I got home I changed clothes and brushed my hair before putting my hat back on. I debated not wearing my hat, but in the end I decided it was to cold not to wear it.

I slipped on a different jacket, a black one instead of my usual brown one, and started walking to the movie theater. It wasn't that far away, which was good for me. I needed a car, maybe I'd get one for my birthday that was coming up, but chances seemed slim. When I got to the theater my hands were numb, and my nose was ice.

The movie theater was small, to go with the rest of the tiny town. All the movies seemed to get to this theater about a month after they hit the ones in bigger cities. Inside I saw Bebe talking to Kyle, how'd that bastard get here before me? I guess he didn't have to go change clothes. I approached the two, smiling as I got close. "Hey guys, where's everyone else?"

Bebe smiled and flipped her hair out of her face to look at me. She was wearing a low cut shirt and a push-up bra, probably just to attract attention. Bebe was pretty, I did have to admit that. She spent hours on her appearance, Wendy had told me many times, but she just wasn't my type. She was too wild and unstable for me. I wanted someone who I could rely on, someone who would always be there for me.

Like Kyle.

Why was I comparing Bebe to Kyle? Why was even comparing anyone I had I had an interest in to Kyle?

"Look Kenny is right there." Bebe said, turning towards the door and smiling as Kenny walked in.

"I'm so ready to watch this movie. Jesus Christ is cold as balls out there." Kenny informed us as he walked over to join the group.

"Wendy said she's running a bit late." Bebe was looking down at her phone, probably texting Wendy. "We should get popcorn while we wait for them."

"I'll get it." I volunteered.

"Let me come with you." Kyle smiled and together we walked over to the counter to get popcorn.

I glanced behind us at Bebe and Kenny who were talking and laughing, Kenny's eyes glued on Bebe's boobs and Bebe not minding. I didn't understand why Kyle would want to date Kenny, Kenny was not Kyle's type at all. Kyle was too sensitive for Kenny.

Kyle didn't seem to mind that Kenny was so flirtatious with everyone though. Maybe he just accepted that Kenny wasn't going to change and decided that was okay. Shit, I hope not.

After we got popcorn we returned to Kenny and Bebe. "Wendy just got here." Bebe stated, smiling happily.

In walked Wendy- and Cartman?! Holding hands? What the hell? Suddenly it all clicked, Cartman acting weird, Cartman being with Wendy on the bus and at school. He had been going to her house after school, that's why he had gone down the same block and me and Kyle.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you left me for this fat ass!" I said, I didn't even mean to say it, but seeing Cartman and Wendy together made my blood boil. Cartman was such a stupid fuck and Wendy, well she deserved better than him.

Cartman narrowed his eyes at me, "Listen here you damn hippie, you need to control your feelings for Wendy or I will personally smash your face in."

I just gave Cartman a strange look. It was so unlike him to care like that, he sounded genuine. "Uhh..." I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn't. I couldn't wrap my mind around how Wendy and Cartman were a thing now.

Wendy let go of Cartman's hand. "Stan, I want to talk to you, I think we left a few things unsaid that needed to be said. Why don't you guys all go into the movie and we'll come meet you in a few minutes?" Wendy asked sweetly, soon everyone left and it was just me and her.

"Wendy I can't believe you left me for that piece of shit." I told her, crossing my arms. "Everyone knows how much of an asshat Cartman is."

"Eric," Wendy started off, correcting me on calling him his last name, "Can be very kind when he wants to be. Stan I don't want this to get in the way of everything. We have some great friends in there, I want us to be able to get along well enough that we can go see a movie with them."

I thought about that for a moment. "I just can't believe you would leave me for Cartman, I must've been a pretty shitty boyfriend."

"If you're going to whine about this, then go back home. I want to have a fun night with my friends." Wendy raised her voice slightly, I could tell I was making her upset. I didn't want to hurt her feeling so I just let it drop.

"Yeah, fine whatever." I mumbled, turning to walk into the theater. I was pouting like a little kid, but I'm sure anyone would if their girlfriend had left them for Eric Cartman.

The movie was alright, the special effects were kind of cheesy, and the plot line was dull. I sulked throughout the whole thing though, I still couldn't believe Cartman and Wendy were dating. Bebe tried to hold my hand during the movie, I like her but I didn't make any action to hold it back. I didn't think she noticed. When the movie ended we all stood in the hall talking.

Cartman was standing next to me, one of his arms around Wendy. Kyle was standing on the other side, talking to Kenny. I was just kind of standing there, not talking to anyone. "Bebe we have to go, I have to go babysit in a few minutes."

Bebe and Wendy left together, after Wendy and Cartman had shared a kiss. Cartman looked genuinely happy, it made me fucking sick. "We should all hang out." Kenny suggested, "It's been awhile."

Cartman's gaze flickered between me and Kenny. "I would, but I think Stan's mad at me." He chuckled softly, "I did steal his girl after all."

I groaned, "Shut up fatass, you and Wendy won't last a week. You're a piece of shit."

Cartman shook his head, "Dude, you broke up with Wendy like every other day. I'm already doing better than you."

"Well, you're racist, rude, and inconsiderate as fuck. I'm better than you." I pointed out. I figured this was true, Cartman was a lowlife prick. I wasn't as bad as him, at least I didn't think so. Even if I was as bad as him I didn't mind calling him out on his shit, someone needed to keep Cartman in line.

"You're just like a Russian doll, so full of yourself." Cartman retorted.

I started to say something but then just groaned again, "Have fun hanging out you guys." I turned the other way and left. I kept walking until I was outside of the theater, there was no reason to stay in there. Outside snow fell lightly and a chilly wind blew right through me.

I stopped for a moment just to take everything in.

Wendy, the girl who I had chased all my life, was dating Cartman. Kyle, my best friend and new crush, I guess, was getting fucked by Kenny. Kenny was getting himself into what seemed like a committed relationship. I was sure the earth had fallen off its axis.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, I looked behind me and saw Kyle standing there. "Why aren't you hanging out with them?" I asked immediately.

"Stan, we're super best friends." Kyle said, like that was an answer to my question.

"It's damn cold out here, I'm going home." I shook his hand off my shoulder and started walking towards home.

"Stan-" Kyle started.

I turned to look at him and cut him off, "Don't you have anything better to do? Go fuck Kenny or something." Kyle looked slightly hurt, but I just turned and continued walking towards home. I didn't want to turn around and look at Kyle, but I knew he was still standing there. I turned the first corner I could just to get out of his sight.

If I kept walking this way, it was going to take me forever to get home. I couldn't swallow my pride and go back the other way though, so I just kept walking. I decided that since Tweek Bros. was just a block away I would get some coffee. Maybe it would help me not freeze my ass off on the rest of the way home.

Harbucks and Tweek Bros. we're both still in business. It was surprising honestly. I couldn't tell the difference between the coffee, I just always went to Tweek Bros. because it made me feel like I was doing good, you know? Helping a local company and all.

Inside it was warm and quiet. I ordered just a straight black coffee. Tweek was working the counter that evening, he twitched slightly when I ordered. "You really just want plain black coffee?" He asked.

"Well, what do you think?" I asked in return. I figured Tweek probably knew more about coffee than I did.

Tweek just shook his head, "Let me make you - ngh- something better."

I just shrugged and went to go sit down. After a few minutes Tweek brought me my coffee. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Tweek smiled, he waited around for me to take a sip. Whatever it was, it was good. "This is really good." I commented, I even smiled despite how fed up  
I was with everything. Tweek seemed to beam as he returned to the counter.

Didn't Mr. Tweak always say the coffee was like a warm sweater in the winter or some shit?

It definitely felt like that.

I decided I didn't want to leave yet, the outside was too cold and unforgiving. I heard the bell by the door ring and turned my head in curiosity of who walked in. To my surprise it was Butters. He ordered a hot chocolate, I figured he would he didn't strike me as the type of person to drink coffee, and then his eyes scanned across the coffee shop. His eyes settled on me and then he walked over. "H-hey Stan." He greeted, his face forever smiling.

"Hey Butters." I replied, I didn't really want to talk to him. He slid in across from me in the booth. It had been such a long time since I actually had a conversation with Butters. Our talk was limited to school work and occasionally how things were. I had kind of missed him when he stopped hanging out with us, honestly, though I would never admit it. I had been such a dick to Butters, when in all reality, he wasn't that bad. His kindness balanced out our erratic friend group, but I think we were too rude to him. He would never say that though, he was overflowing with kindness.

"I'm surprised to see you here, I just figured you would have something fun to do. It is Friday night after all." Butters pointed out, matter of factly.

"Well I was with my friends, but I kinda ditched out on them." I sipped at my coffee. Tweek brought over Butters hot chocolate, Butters thanked him before he left.

Butters took a sip of hot chocolate before saying anything. "You always look kinda sad at school." Butters said softly, "I know we haven't really talked for a few years, but if you ever need me your good pal Butters will always be here."

Great.

Now I was getting consoled by Butters fucking Stotch.

I forced a smiled and nodded, "Thanks Butters."

"You're welcome Stan." He was so full of joy, sometimes it was sickening. Maybe with all the negativity in my life I needed a little joy though. I don't know if I could go as far as hanging out with Butters, after all he was still, well, Butters. Hanging out with him in a group was okay, but I couldn't hang out with him alone.

I had made myself feel like shit. What if I really messed up and had lost all my friends. I wondered if one day I would have to hang out with Butters alone, because I had pissed off all my other friends. I imaged I'd grow old alone (hopefully with the company of a few dogs). I had lost my girlfriend to Eric Cartman and I'd lost my best friend and crush to Kenny McCormick. I was just accepting I had a crush on Kyle now, it made no difference he was still fucking Kenny.

Butters was still sitting across from me, drinking his hot chocolate. If all else failed at least I'd have him to fall back on, at least that's what he told me anyways. "I should get going." I said standing, I couldn't sit for another minute.

Butters nodded, "See ya at school." I left, back out into the cold. It was dark now, but the snow had stopped falling. I was still cold from earlier, half a cup of coffee didn't provide much warmth.

Eventually I made it home, half frozen with numb fingers and toes. Inside my house it was dark and quiet, I figured my parents were on a date. Sparky was asleep on the couch, he looked up at me before laying his head back down and resuming his nap. I took off my shoes and grabbed the blanket off the back of my couch, wrapping it around me.

I wandered into the kitchen and over to the fridge. We never had any good food, and tonight was no exception. Instead I found myself looking through my dads alcohol collection. I eventually decided on drinking S'more Schnapps, because it was sweet and I knew I could get drunk off it quickly.

I looked for a bottle open and popped the top off the bottle, I strolled back into the living room. I flopped down next to Sparky on the couch and turned on the tv. The Schnapps was good, after the first sip I knew I would want another bottle. I knew that this wouldn't be enough.

I finished the first bottle too fast, then I stood up too fast, everything just seemed to be going too fast. I felt like shit, but I figured that drinking more wouldn't hurt much. I was already pretty drunk, I wondered how much alcohol the S'more Schnapps contained. My mind was swimming as I stumbled back into the kitchen to find another bottle.

I fumbled with the bottle opener and eventually got it open, downing half the bottle right after. Jesus, why was this stuff so sweet?

Kyle always told me I was a sad drunk- fucking Kyle. Why didn't I just tell him that I liked him? That was a great idea, I'd just tell him I liked him. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Kyle, he answered after two rings. "Kyle... I have... I have something important to tell you." My speech was slurred, but I couldn't help it.

"Dude, are you drunk?" Kyle's voice came through the phone, it was loud.

"Kyle, I love you."

"I love you too man. Seriously though, I hope you're not running around drunk." Kyle sounded annoyed.

"Pfft, I'm not drunk. Maybe you're drunk." I laughed, it was a weird laugh, all high pitched. There was ringing in my ears, and my head was starting to hurt. I was so happy to be talking to Kyle but I felt as if I could burst out into tears any moment.

"Stan." Kyle said firmly, he sounded like an upset parent or something. My phone died after that, I just set it on the floor and chugged down the rest of the Schnapps. After sitting on the kitchen floor for a minute, letting my head spin, I decided a third bottle wouldn't do any more harm. I stood up and knew I had made the wrong choice.

I felt my stomach lurch and I got that tingly feeling like right before you were going to toss your cookies. I stumbled into the bathroom and practically fell to my knees so I could throw up in the toilet. I dry heaved once, it was a sickening feeling really, then I felt it all come up. I was no stranger to throwing up at this point, thanks to Wendy Testaburger for making me so goddamn nervous all the time.

I puked a second time before flushing the toilet. I pulled myself up by the counter and washed the puke off my mouth. This was fucking disgusting, really.

Really fucking disgusting.

After I decided to go lay in bed, so I crawled up the stairs and too my room. I felt like shit, instead of getting in bed, I just curled up in a ball and laid on the floor.

The room was spinning. My eyes swam with tears, I was so stupid. I had finally decided to give myself up to exhaustion, I felt my consciousness slowly drifting away as my eyes got heavy. "You're a fucking idiot." I mumbled to myself. My head was pounding, I wanted to go to sleep, my body wanted to go to sleep. Questions still swam in my mind, questions I wanted answers to.

I blinked a few times, my eyes traveling up my poster covered walls. I was stuck on a carousel of negative thoughts, everything that had happened today replaying through my mind in slow motion.

When my thoughts became nonsense, I knew I was falling asleep. Now all that was left to do was let go. I looked up at the ceiling before closing my eyes, I had left the damn light on.

 **I knew I said I was going to update this sooner, but I haven't had a free moment whoops. I promise I'll try to make the updates more regular from now on. I just really wanna thank Dani for helping me with this story! Also everyone else that leaves reviews, reading them makes my day tbh. Thank you for all the support~**


	6. Chapter 6

I savored the blissful few seconds when I woke up. I laid, unblinking, looking at the celling. I wondered why I was in such a weird position, my light wasn't usually where it was. Then I felt a pounding in my head that was unbelievable and it all came back. I groaned and sat up, still in yesterday's clothes. My back was sore and I felt like shit.

I needed fucking relief from this headache, and I needed it now. I struggled to my feet and took my jacket off, discarding it on the floor. Why the hell did I drink on an empty stomach? That just made everything ten times worse. All the exhaustion from the week had all built up, and I hadn't slept good. I was still tired despite it looking like it was about two in the afternoon.

I quickly ran downstairs and began to dig through the cupboards looking for painkillers. "Stanley." My father said, he was standing in the doorway. "Did you drink the Schnapps?"

I turned to look at him. "Yeah." I answered weakly, there was no hiding it. My dad always knew what was in his collection of alcohol, it didn't matter if it was just a drop of whiskey, he knew it was gone. I turned back to the cupboards and found some Advil, I quickly got a glass of water and downed four at once.

"You shouldn't drink that stuff, it's 75.5 percent alcohol." My dad informed me. Shit, I didn't know it was that much. Why did my dad keep this shit around the house.

"It won't happen again." I told him, it was a lie, we both knew. I hoped I wasn't going down the same path my dad was on. I really fucking hoped I wasn't becoming the next town drunk. I didn't ask to be an alcoholic, I don't even know if I qualified as one. What were the requirements for being an alcoholic? How close was I to achieving the status of insane drunk? I was only sixteen, I didn't want this, but I couldn't stop.

I remembered when I was little people would tell me I was like my dad, and I was happy. I thought my dad was cool, even if we were hardly similar. Now if someone told me that I would feel shame, shame because I knew it was true. My dad, the insane alcoholic, was like me. I felt fucking sick again.

I looked down and saw my phone on my floor, I picked it up before heading upstairs to my room. I figured my phone was dead. I plugged it in and sat down on the edge of my bed.

I wondered what had happened last night, I couldn't remember much of it. I remembered downing the first bottle, and then throwing up. I didn't even remember crawling back to my room or falling asleep. My phone screen lit up as it came on. As soon as it did it was flooded with texts from Kyle, and missed calls.

Shit.

I must've called him drunk. Otherwise he wouldn't have been so worried. I decided to call him to stop him from fretting. There was no doubt he had been worried all night, that was just the type of person Kyle was.

Kyle answered on the second ring, he almost always did that. "Dude, are you okay?" He asked, almost as if he'd been waiting to ask me that all morning.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered simply, "I was drunk."

"I could tell." Kyle said, I could almost hear the bitterness in his voice. Kyle hated when I got drunk more than he hated when Kenny smoked.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"Which part?" Kyle inquired like it was a test. I'd probably pissed him off pretty good.

"All of it, I was sure acting like a dick." It was a lame apology, but I didn't want to specifically address any of the issues. "And for calling you drunk." I added sheepishly. I didn't remember much of the call, but I figured it had been pretty bad, or just embarrassing on my part.

"It's fine, Stan."

Anther silence passed between us. "I'm gonna... Uh, go take a shower." I was still in yesterday's clothes, I reeked of alcohol. "I have a pretty bad hangover."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do. I'll talk to you later." Kyle said, he sounded almost distant.

"Okay, bye dude." I hung up and then looked at my phone. Within the multitude of texts from Kyle, there was a text from Bebe asking if I wanted to hang out today. I told her I had a hangover and wasn't sure if I was up for it.

I then went and took my long awaited shower. I kept the water just slightly too hot, it was calming, but it also felt good on my sore back. I should never have slept on the floor.

I stood in the shower for a long time, letting the water hit my back. Eventually the water got cold and I knew my dad would give me shit for standing in there so long, but I didn't even know what I was doing. I was just staring at the wall feeling mildly upset, at least my headache had gone away though.

I got out and dried off, going to my room and putting on some sweats and a Nevermore shirt. I decided I should wash my hat before school on Monday. I threw it across the room and into my laundry basket. I ran a hand through my damp hair, noticing how- for once- it didn't feel like shitty hat hair, but actually kind of acceptable.

I walked downstairs, stopping at the base of the stairs as I heard a voice. "Mmhmm, Stan is such a good friend, that's why I brought him these cookies." It was Bebe, I could tell.

I stepped into the living room to see her and my mom talking to each other. "Stanley, your friends here." My mom said happily, "I'll leave you two kids alone." With that she left the room.

Bebe turned to me and smiled, holding a plate of cookies. I felt like shit, so I probably looked worse. "Hey." I said, not much emotion in my voice. I wanted Bebe to get the hint and move on, she was wasting her time.

"I made cookies last night, and since you're hungover I brought you some. To help you cheer you up." She extended her arms towards me, holding out the cookies.

"Bebe," I sighed softly, "Can we talk?"

She nodded, I motioned for her to sit on the couch and I sat beside her. "I don't like you, like, romantically." I guess I had to be straight forward with her.

Bebe's expression didn't really change that much. She didn't seem phased, had she been expecting this the whole time? "Can I ask why not?"

Bebe knew. I knew she knew. She had a gleam in her eyes and a small smile that held secrets. She was going to make me say it, God fucking dammit. "I like someone else." I replied softly, looking away.

"Someone with red hair, a great ass and who's last name happens to be Broflovski?" Bebe asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"How the fuck did you know?" I was annoyed, how could she tell so easily.

"It's so easy to tell. You stare at him with a I-want-you-to-be-in-my-arms-right-now look. Also ever since him and Kenny started dating... Or whatever it is they're doing, you started acting jealous of them at lunch. I sit at the table right behind yours, I can hear your guys conversations. Whenever Kenny goes out to smoke Kyle wants to go with him, then you volunteer too. You want to keep an eye on them." Bebe said this all so simply, maybe it was simple to her. Maybe I was just oblivious to my actions. At this point my face was red.

"Don't tell anyone." I begged, "I don't want anyone else to find out."

"You're still in denial?" She asked in disbelief, "It's plain as day, sure as the sky is blue."

"I know... I'm not in denial." I insisted, "I just don't want everyone knowing. I wanted Kyle to be the first one to find out."

Bebe shook her head, "Tell him."

"Why? What about Kenny?"

"Kenny is stupid." Bebe replied simply. She stood up, "Well enjoy the cookies."

I stood too, "Promise you won't tell."

Bebe locked her lips and threw away the key. "I don't have any reason to hurt you, or Kyle. If you're not going to tell him though, that's your problem. Thanks for being upfront about not liking me though, I was testing to see how long you would string me along before you said something. It was kind of like a social experiment, I'm glad you're honest Stan."

I nodded solemnly, smiling slightly. "Thanks, and it was no problem."

Bebe turned and left, waving as she started to walk home.

Bebe was a lot smarter than people gave her credit for. She payed attention to detail, and noticed little things about people. I needed to watch out for her, at least she promised she wouldn't tell anyone. I hoped she stayed true to her word.

Fuck.

On Monday Bebe seemed to be out of my life again. I didn't mind though, although I did miss having someone to talk to between classes.

Kyle had been acting strange, almost distant. Even towards Kenny, which was surprising to say the least. At lunch he didn't eat, which worried me. The roles were reversed for once, I was the worried one. "Kyle, you need to eat." I said, keeping the worry out of my voice.

"I'm not hungry." He stated, shrugging slightly, "I think it's the lingering effects from my cold." He offered Kenny his food, he gladly accepted. Then Kyle laid his head on the table groaning, "I'm so fucking tired."

"Me too dude." I agreed, "We should just ditch and go take a nap."

Kyle laughed a little but didn't respond other than that. Kenny and I sat in an awkward silence, I think he was worried about Kyle too.

Cartman wasn't sitting with us today. He was sitting with Wendy, on the table behind ours. I think he picked that table just so we could still hear fragments of his annoying ass voice. Cartman is like a bad rash, you can't get rid of him.

After Kenny was done eating he stood, "I'm going to go smoke." He announced, Kyle, almost immediately, stood to join him. They both looked at me expectantly but I just waved them off and told them to go without me. When they left I got a glimpse of Bebe from the other table, she made a gesture that suggested I should go follow them, I just shook my head in response.

After lunch was foods, which was pretty uneventful. We just took notes and I stared at the clock, waiting for the bell to ring.

The rest of the day was a blur. Everything seemed surreal. Kyle and I didn't talk on the bus ride home, Kenny parted ways with us silently when we got off.

"What the hell is going on today?" I questioned out loud, as Kyle and I walked through the snow towards our houses.

Kyle glanced at me and gave me an almost sympathetic smile. "Can I tell you something?" This peaked my interest, I nodded eagerly. Maybe Kyle could clear things up, maybe he knew what was going on. "I'm really sorry."

"For what?" I asked, confused as ever.

"Just remember that, okay?"

"Uh, okay dude." I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket, this was going nowhere. Why was everyone acting so damn strange. I stopped, "I'm going to take the long way home."

"Stan, it's snowing pretty heavily, don't be stupid." Kyle shook his head.

I smiled, "Yeah, see you tomorrow." With that I turned and walked down another block. I needed to clear my head, I needed to walk through the snow.

I ended up at Stark's pond and decided to just lay in the snow and watch the sky.

The wind whispered as the snow fell on my face, getting caught in my eyelashes and falling on my hat like confetti. Silver flakes filled the sky as the sun peaked through the clouds, everything looked so bright but yet so dull. I couldn't tell if it was actually dull though, or if it was just my skewed perception of it all. The snow landed on my face softer than the kisses Wendy used to plant, and just as cold as the memories of her had turned.

I missed Wendy. I didn't even know if I still had feeling for her, but I missed having her in my life. Now I just got curtsey laughs and an eye full of her and Cartman's PDA.

I shifted on the snow, the biting cold felt like daggers on the back of my neck, but I didn't want to move just yet.

Maybe I didn't miss Wendy. Maybe I missed the reassurance that I was doing alright, she was always encouraging. Kyle was too, but I had been seeing less and less of him.

Kyle was what I really wanted, he was what I really missed.

So why couldn't I talk to him?

I closed my eyes and relaxed my body, feeling myself sink deeper into the blanket of white. Snow was always comforting to me. I think I would be okay with never moving from this place and being trapped in the snow for all eternity.

I felt so alone, even though all my friends were just a text away. Loneliness seems like a simple thing to fix; reach out to a friend, strike up a conversation. In all reality it was nothing like that, you never felt comforted just talking to someone. You wanted reassurance that you were alright, that things were going to be alright, that you weren't going to end up old and alone watching reruns of The Office and crying while eating a TV dinner.

The snow blanketed around me, now it was biting at my feet and my toes went numb. My feet were starting to get wet through my thin Converse, I should've worn boots today. I felt small and alone in the snow like that.

I was laying by a small pond, in a small town, in a small state, in a small country, on a small planet in one of the smallest galaxies. And somehow I was supposed to find peace in this existence. I didn't even know if I was the center of this universe, or a spec of dust in the universes eye, and I didn't know if I would ever find out.

I wished more than anything that Kyle was next to me in this moment. I wished he would laugh and fill up the empty, crisp, cold air. I wished he would assure me everything was alright and that all this weirdness was in my head.

I accepted it at that moment. Laying cold, half frozen in the freezing snow, that I loved Kyle. I loved him so fucking much. All these years he had been my rock, my anchor. He had kept me from slipping into depression, from drinking, and much much more.

I quickly sat up, snow flying off me as I did so. I stood and brushed myself off with my numb fingers. What the fuck was I doing?

I started heading home, thoughts of Kyle plagued my mind. I was still grounded from him for another week, I needed to find a way to hang out with him. I needed to find a way to get him and Kenny to break up. I felt like a dick just thinking that.

"Stan!" Called out a voice from across the road. I stopped my fast pace and turned seeing Cartman. He strolled across the street towards me. "Why are you all wet?"

"I was laying in the snow." I shivered, rubbing my arms to keep what body heat I had left.

"Why?"

The question swirled in my head like a blizzard. Why was I laying in the snow? I didn't know. It was conforming, I wanted to sink into it and disappear, I didn't give enough of a shit to move before I was on the verge of catching hypothermia. These were all valid answers in my head, but they weren't answers I was going to share with Cartman. "Bored." I answered finally.

Cartman gave me a strange look but then continued. "Anyways, I was going to say sorry for acting like a dick the other night."

"What the fuck? Is this a prank?" I asked, Cartman never apologized.

"Wendy told me I should apologize." Cartman informed me sullenly. "Something about how you mean well and shit. Look dude, you can accept my apology or not, I just had to make sure I told you."

I shrugged, "It's whatever." Cartman was an asshole, once an asshole always an asshole. The cold seemed mild at first but now it was seeping into my skin, numbing my face. My teeth were chattering, Jesus I was such a fucking idiot. "I have to go." I stated, I did not want Cartman to make me wait out here any longer than I had to.

"See ya later, ya hippie." Cartman let out a chuckle as I turned and left.

Soon I was home, I shed my wet shoes, jacket and hat at the door before dashing upstairs to my room. In my room I removed the rest of my clothes and then dove into bed, burying myself in the warmth of my blankets.

I laid like this for awhile, until the feeling in my fingers and toes returned. I welcomed the warmth like an old friend, it was much nicer than the bitter cold from earlier. I had never felt this way before, it kind of scared me.

I felt as if I could die right here, right now, and it would all be okay. All my vigor from earlier, about braking up Kyle and Kenny, had left. If they really wanted to be together, who was I to stop them? I was just being an unsupportive friend.

I wanted to be selfish, to make Kyle be mine. The truth was, I had already lost him, though, I had never actually had in in the first place. This was all too upsetting for me, I felt the loneliness crawl back into my body like a bug.

Sadness washed over me, it was the sadness that seeped into your bones as opposed to the kind that exploded in a cascade of tears.

I didn't want to think about this right now. I didn't want to think about Kyle, or Kenny, or Cartman or anyone. I just wanted everyone to get out of my head.

I got up and put on pajama's before stalking downstairs to watch tv. The only thing on was some weird game shows so I decided to go to Netflix instead. I ended up watching a weird movie about a kid who was abducted by aliens.

My first thought was, "Damn, this movies so stupid. I bet Kyle would get a kick out of it."

Then I was right back where I started, thinking about Kyle. His beautiful green eyes, his curly red hair. His face that was sprinkled with freckles, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. His laugh, the way he was almost always unconditionally kind to everyone he met. Kyle was fucking perfect.

At that moment my phone vibrated, I looked at it and it was a text from Kyle reading;

 **Did you freeze to death in the snow? Cartman told me you looked like you were dying**

I smiled as I read it. I replied and told him I had stayed out for too long but it was no big deal.

I was back where I was before, stuck thinking about Kyle. My head swarmed in half formed regrets, why hadn't I told Kyle sooner? I had fell for him harder than a slip on black ice, a damn painful fall. I pulled the blanket around me tighter as if for comfort.

Just as I started to feel normal again, and the movie was starting to get interesting, my mom got home. She was carrying bags of groceries, "Help me bring in the rest of these." She ordered, sauntering off into the kitchen.

I groaned as I stood, I was sore from the cold and sad to leave behind my warm spot on the couch. I carried in the rest of the groceries and helped my mom put them away.

I returned to the living room as my mom began to cook dinner. The house filled with the smell of a chicken broccoli casserole.

My mom walked into the living room. "I have to go to book club, so take the casserole out in twenty minutes, okay Stanley?"

"Yeah, will do." I hadn't really payed attention to her, I was now invested in the plot of this movie. It was took my mind off everything. My mom left, suffice to say I forgot about the casserole after five minutes.

The movie ended, it had a bad ending. I almost felt sad for wasting so much time watching it. "What the fuck was that?" I questioned out loud to myself.

I inhaled deeply to sigh, but before I did I smelt the incredibly sickening smell of burning casserole. I quickly jumped up and dashed to the kitchen. I grabbed oven mitts and took out, what was now, a burnt and bubble blob of blah. "Shit." I swore, glancing at the clock. My mom would be home any minute now, she was going to kill me.

I paced around the kitchen debating what to do, there was no time to make a new casserole and no way to get the burning smell out of my house. I heard the keys in the door and held my breath. To my relief it was just my dad.

"What the hell is that smell?" Was the first thing he asked.

"A burning casserole."

"Ha, more like c- _ass_ -erole." My dad laughed at his pun, I just shook my head. He was worse than Kyle and Kenny combined. My mom walked in as my dad was still laughing. At least he was there so I didn't have to take all the heat.

We ended up ordering a pizza for dinner that night.

Kenny was the only person at the bus stop the next morning. He stood with his hands in his pockets and with a slight slouch. It had felt like it had been forever since it was just me and Kenny. "Hey dude." I greeted as I stood next to him. It wasn't snowing this morning, but everything was covered. "Why have things been so weird lately?" I asked after a moment of silence. Kenny was either always quiet, or you couldn't get in to shut the fuck up, there was no in between. I guess today he decided to be quiet.

Kenny shrugged, "I wouldn't know."

Jesus Christ, Kenny was such a bad liar. Everyone was up to something, but I had no idea what it was. Kenny and Kyle were definitely in on it, maybe Cartman and Wendy too. Hell, Bebe could even be in on the joke. Was everyone just playing a giant prank on me? If so what was the prank, nothing really seemed too out of the ordinary.

What if I was dying? What if everyone knew I was dying and no one has bothered to tell me? No, someone would've told me by now.

I glanced at Kenny, he looked kind of smug. His hair fell in shaggy, uncombed waves around his face. He didn't look any different than any other day of the week or year. So what the fuck was going on?

"You birthday's coming up soon." Kenny pointed out. I had forgotten all about my birthday, it was just in a couple of weeks.

"Yeah, I forgot." I didn't exactly want to turn seventeen. That just meant one year closer to being an adult and paying bills. I hadn't even thought about what college I wanted to attend.

There was feet crunching through the snow and then Kyle ran up and stopped next to Kenny. "Good, I didn't miss the bus." He was out of breath, he had probably ran the whole way here.

The bus turned the corner a moment later. Kyle and I sat together in our usual spot in the back. "What did you do last night after, you know, almost freezing to death in the snow?" Kyle laughed softly.

"I burnt a casserole." I informed him with a grin, "And I didn't almost freeze to death, I just stayed out slightly too long."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Yeah right dude, Cartman was fucking worried about you, you must've been in the verge of death."

"How did you know Cartman was worried about me?"

"Dude, after you spend your whole life being around that fatass you start to know what's up. He called me and told me to check in on you, because you were 'as blue as a smurf's ass'." Kyle smiled and I laughed. I didn't really believe him, but I wasn't going to say that.

At school I went to my locker and was surprised to find Bebe standing there. "Have you told Kyle yet?" She asked me.

"No, I haven't had the chance." I replied, getting my books from my locker. "Why are you so eager?"

"Because, the sooner you tell Kyle the sooner him and Kenny will break up. I want Kenny back, but I can't go after him while he's still with Kyle." Bebe explained.

"But wait, I'm going to go after Kyle while he's still with Kenny. That's basically the same thing." I pointed out, closing my locker and turning to face her.

"No it's not. Look if you stole Kyle from Kenny, Kenny would move on. I'm not so sure it would work the other way around though." Bebe twirled a piece of her blonde hair between her fingers. "Either way, I'm going to make you do all the heavy lifting. I can still find a booty call even without Kenny around."

I rolled my eyes, "Jesus, that's such a dick move."

Bebe smiled proudly, "I know, but when you and Kyle get together then I can have Kenny again."

I tuned out the rest of what she was saying. She really thought that Kyle and I were going to get together? She thought I actually had a chance? I had never really thought of Bebe as a good friend, but I guess she was around a lot of the time. I had been dating her best friend for a long ass time. Maybe she really did know what she was talking about. "Wait you think Kyle and I will actually get together?"

"Hell yeah. He's been giving signals for years."

"Giving signals by dating Kenny." I mumbled.

"Kenny's just a filler, don't worry about them too much." She dismissed with a wave of her hand.

The bell rang and Bebe left for class. I stood in the hall for a moment, processing everything she said. She thought Kyle and I had a chance, but she had been wrong before. I always thought Bebe was an airhead, but maybe she had actually been paying attention to everyone for the past few years, even if it was just to spread gossip throughout the school.

I shook my head and began to walk to class. I needed to tell Kyle about my feelings for him. I needed someone else besides Bebe Stevens to know about my crush.

I wondered what he would say. I wondered if this would ruin our friendship the moment the words came out of my mouth. I shuddered, I didn't want to jump the gun on this one.

I needed proof that he actually liked me before I made any rash decisions. I decided instead I would come out to him, tell him I was bi or something. I wasn't even sure if I was bi, I just knew I really liked Kyle Broflovski.

As I sat in my seat and it was decided. Today would be the day that I would come out to my super best friend.

 **I honestly suck at updating stories tbh, it's been too long since the last one. I always say I'm gonna update it sooner, but then things get crazy and I never have time. I'm going to try harder to update this sooner (Hopefully in less than two weeks this time). Thanks for reading and for all the reviews and follows ^^**


	7. Chapter 7

My parents weren't home after school, which was perfect because I had brought Kyle home with me. I was ready to take shit from my parents, but luckily that wouldn't have to happen. "It feels like it's been forever since we've hung out." Kyle commented, he smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, you've been too busy fucking Kenny." I tried to say this in a joking manner but I think some bitterness seeped through. Kyle rolled his eyes and picked up an apple.

"I think I finally got my appetite back, you know, from my cold?" Kyle took a bite of the apple.

"That's good dude." As much I loved small talk (sarcasm), this conversation was weirder than usual. Why was it taking effort to talk to Kyle? It was probably just because things had been so off lately.

Kyle looked at me, and I just looked back at him. "What were you going to tell me?" Kyle asked, he took another bite of the apple.

I hadn't prepared for this moment. I felt my palms start to sweat, so I shoved than in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I shouldn't have been nervous, I didn't want to be nervous. It was really no big deal, right? Kyle was gay, I don't think he'd disown me for being bi.

I opened my mouth and started to feel the words come out. It was only two simple words, yet they wouldn't come out. My worry dragged them back down my throat and wouldn't let them escape my lips.

This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay. This will all turn out okay-

My heart beat rapidly as the words crawled back up my throat, this time being to be released. Kyle raised an eyebrow at my nervous state. I felt like I was going to throw up. "I'm bisexual." I finally stated.

After it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. Except the worry wasn't over because Kyle still hadn't responded. He had stopped eating his apple and was just looking at me. "Really?"

I nodded, "Yes really."

"Dude, does that mean the crush you told me you had on someone could be a boy?" Kyle asked, damn he really seemed to be stuck on this crush thing. His eyes seemed to light up at this though, his eyes were so beautiful. They were the kind of green that reminded you of spring and grass that occasionally poked through the snow. When the light hit them just right they shimmered and shined. The best part about Kyle's eyes was the brown flecks around the edges. They looked like the color of kelp on the shore with driftwood intertwined.

I noticed I was staring, I turned away my face hearing with embarrassment. "It is." I answered simply, "Otherwise I wouldn't have told you."

"Well shit, who is it?" Kyle asked, the way he asked it almost sounded apathetic. I turned back towards him, he had a weird look on his face. It was a mix of worry and something unreadable, he took another bite of the apple.

"I can't tell you."

"We're best friends Stan, we tell each other everything." Kyle pointed out. I wasn't so sure about this, I just felt like Kyle was hiding something. It was a nagging feeling in my gut, telling me something was wrong.

"Then tell me what the fuck's been going on." A flash of annoyance followed, everyone was acting so strange.

Kyle looked at me, it was a blank stare. I think he was feeling guilty, but guilty for what? What was he upset about? I had no idea, and no one would talk. "Nothing." He answered finally.

"You're a shitty liar."

"Nothing's going on." He insisted, he finished his apple and then threw away the core. I didn't believe him. I knew he knew I didn't believe him.

The air was tense between us. The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I stood unmoving letting everything sink in. Kyle knew that I was bi now Had he know all along? Maybe I had been acting really gay for the past few years and just hadn't noticed. Maybe Kyle knew I had a crush on him, I did call him cute that one time.

Kyle stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor. He looked concentrated and deep in thought about something. He noticed me looking at him, "You know what I just remembered?" He questioned, it turned out to be rhetorical because he answered it himself. "I promised Kenny I'd call him after school. I'll be right back." Kyle gave an uncomfortable laugh and then walked out the back door.

I stood in my kitchen for a moment. I could see him through the sliding glass door, he was pacing as he got out his phone and called Kenny. I watched for a moment more before my curiosity got too great.

I quickly climbed the stairs and went into my room. I opened my window letting in a burst of frigid air. After living in South Park for so long the cold was all just natural, if it wasn't cold it wasn't normal.

My window overlooked my backyard. I figured I would be able to listen in on Kyle's conversation, even with the interruption of the wind. I tried to listen, I could only catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Dude, we might be worse that Cartman." Kyle's voice carried through the wind. He said other stuff too, but I couldn't catch it. After a long period of silence and muffled talking, the wind slowed and allowed to me to hear again. "Not too much longer. I'm going back inside, I'm freezing my balls off. See you tomorrow, Kenny."

What could he be talking about? The fact that I had just sat up in my room to hear those two tidbits of information was annoying. I thought it was going to be a good, juicy conversation that was secret revealing (and maybe it had been). I guess I would have to be stuck in this never ending tunnel of confusion.

An unsettling feeling began welling inside me. There was something wrong- but I couldn't tell quite what was going on. I felt as if I had entered a house with a gas stove left on; the atmosphere was dense and strange yet invisible to my eyes. Something was amiss, but what was it? I felt like I was missing the big picture, like I had a few of the pieces but not quite enough to figured out the puzzle.

I quickly closed the window as I heard the back door open. I got up and walked downstairs to see Kyle, he looked as calm as ever. Was I just overthinking all this? "What were you doing?" He asked.

"I was in the bathroom." I lied, he raised an eyebrow. "The one upstairs is better."

Kyle just nodded and looked at me. "I should get going." He sighed, "I have to watch Ike tonight, my parents are going to a thing."

I smiled, it didn't feel like a happy smile though, my mind was still swimming. "Have fun babysitting.

Kyle laughed, "It'll be a blast, I'm sure of it."

That evening I sat at my desk thinking about the events from earlier today. I was holding a can of beer, because I had learned my lesson about drinking S'more Schnapps, at least for now. I figured that at some point I would need to get this drinking habit of mine under control, but on the other hand I decided it could wait until later. I'd burn that bridge when I came to it.

I took a sip of beer and looked at the papers spread out on my desk. They were all worksheets from school that I just didn't have the motivation to do. My grades were slipping fast and the end of the quarter was coming up. It was like I was standing by and just watching my grades sink, they were all below C level, I smiled to myself. That smile was quickly replaced with a frown as I realized I seriously needed to get my shit together.

I didn't understand. I used to be happy, past tense, used to. Now I just wasn't so sure. I felt like I spent a lot of my time drinking, or sleeping, or thinking about all the work I needed to do without actually doing it. It felt like I had fallen into a bottomless pit with nothing to grab on to, I was swamped with negative emotions and I didn't enjoy it.

I didn't even know if I would classify myself as being sad. I wasn't exactly sad, at least not at the moment. I just felt nothing. It was a heavy feeling, it ate away at my heart and left me feeling empty.

I had never felt more alone in my life. Even Kyle had been acting weird and keeping secrets, didn't he trust me anymore? I took another sip from the can, as if the answer to everything laid in the bottom of it. I finished it off and sighed, now the can and I were just alike, empty.

I couldn't have even cried if I wanted to, there was nothing there. No tears to be shed, no anger, no happiness, there was nothing. I felt dizzy from drinking so fast, but somehow it made me feel better. I was numb, in that moment I had stopped caring about everyone acting weird. It didn't matter to me anymore. All the work I had to do didn't matter either, nothing mattered. I smiled to myself. This was an amazing breakthrough, it was a tipsy thought, but I'm sure it had some truth in it.

There was a ping against my window and I turned too look at it, confused. There was another ping and this time I stood up and walked over to it, opening it. Out in my backyard stood Kenny McCormick, I opened the window. "Let me in." He called up to me. I shut the window and walked downstairs, opening the back door and letting him in. "Can I crash here tonight?" He asked, he looked worried, Kenny never looked worried so I figured it must've been pretty bad.

None of us really knew what was up with Kenny. In middle school he started to refuse to let us come over to his house. I just figured he didn't have a very good home life, or something changed in middle school. Eventually we all just stopped prying and let Kenny continue on acting strange. Eventually his strange secretiveness tapered off, and we all just stopped caring. As we got older we realized that we probably didn't want to know if Kenny didn't want to tell us. He was basically an open book without a filter, anything he kept secret probably should remain that way.

"Yeah, but I'm making you sleep on the couch." There was no way I was letting Kenny sleep in my bed, especially because I would probably be waking up with a headache tomorrow.

"Dude, your couch is lumpy as fuck. Why can't we both just sleep in your bed?" Kenny asked, he ran a hand through his messy blonde hair.

"Don't you think Kyle would have a problem with that?" I shook my head, "You're sleeping on the couch."

This had been the first time Kenny had been over to sleep since August. Now his worry had subsided and he just looked tired. "Fine, fine."

It wasn't even that late, only about eight thirty. My mom walked downstairs and saw me and Kenny standing in the kitchen. "Oh, hello Kenny. Are you staying the night?" She knew how often Kenny stayed over, Kenny nodded in response.

"Want me to make you some soup?" My mom questioned, smiling softly.

"I'd love that, Mrs. Marsh." Kenny laid on the extra charm. My parents saw him as a good, sweet, innocent kid, when in all reality he was a fucking pain in the ass. I think he could sweet talk his way out of anything if he tried hard enough.

Kenny relentlessly complimented my mom on her soup after only taking a bite. "Well at least someone appreciates my cooking." My mom laughed and then she left me and Kenny alone. We were sitting in the living room, Kenny with the soup on his lap.

"Do you want me to get you some lipstick?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"For all that ass kissing." I laughed, he rolled his eyes.

"Dude are you drunk?" Kenny questioned, shoveling soup into his mouth.

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but I realized I had nothing to say. I had chugged down a beer about an hour ago, then drank another just before Kenny had appeared in my backyard. "Dammit, how'd you know?"

"You act different." Kenny pointed out. I didn't think I acted too different, especially since I was just slightly tipsy. Maybe Kenny had just been around me and drunk me enough to know the difference.

After Kenny finished his soup he went to go put his bowl in the sink. When he came back he looked at me intently, "You should get some sleep."

"No, wait, I have to ask you something first." I motioned for Kenny to come sit next to me. "Why have things been so weird around here lately?"

"How the hell should I know?" Kenny looked at me, he knew. He had to know.

"Well what's been going on?"

"Stan, I think maybe you're just having a hard time accepting Wendy and Cartman are dating. Look I know you thought Wendy was the one or whatever, but she really ain't shit. You're better off without her-"

"No." I cut Kenny off before he could say anymore. "What's been up with Kyle? What the fuck's been up with you?"

Kenny let out a long sigh, "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

"Fine. Why did you, the biggest man slut in South Park, decide to get into a steady relationship with Kyle?" I questioned, I still couldn't wrap my mind around that one. That was the strangest part of it all, Kenny had changed so suddenly.

Kenny seemed to be debating this, he ran a hand through his hair and then looked down at the ground. His eyes seemed to darken when he did so. "People change." He said simply.

"That's not a fucking answer." I was irritated by all of this. "Give me a straight answer."

"I can't do anything straight." Kenny stated, a familiar grin spreading across his face. Jesus, why was everyone around me so gay? It was like I was stuck in a teen girls fanfiction or something.

I just shook my head, my annoyance outweighed my will to laugh at Kenny's shitty joke. "For real dude."

Kenny threw his arms up in defeat. "I just wanted to get in a serious relationship. I like Kyle." Kenny shrugged, "Nothing more too it. You know what they say, people change."

"It's people never change." I corrected.

"Whatever, what else has been so weird that you can't understand?" Kenny asked, lacing his fingers together and putting them behind his head.

"Why has Kyle been acting so secretive? I figured you would know, because, well..." I tried to word this without sounding jealous. "Because you're his boyfriend." I finished up, unemotionally.

"It's a surprise." Kenny shrugged and closed his eyes. "You'll have to wait and see." The way Kenny was acting so nonchalant about this worried me. Kenny was pretty chill, but never this chill about anything.

"Tell me what it is." I begged, it probably wasn't good.

Kenny's eyes opened and glanced at me. "It's whatever." He stood up stretching. "I'm tired as fuck, I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm going to sleep." He left the room and I sighed, he was no help. I guess that was to be expected though.

I walked upstairs and grabbed a blanket and some pajama's for him, leaving them on the couch before going up to my room to disappear for the night.

Kenny was being difficult, I didn't like it. Kyle was being secretive, I didn't like that either. Everything just seemed to be tumbling out of control. I'm sure it was, I knew that it was. I sighed as I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed. I guess I would just have to pester Kyle and Kenny again tomorrow to get some answers.

The next morning I woke up with a headache, as expected. I quickly got a shower, got dressed, then walked downstairs to find painkillers. This had become sort of a habit for me, it made me upset that I did this so often. At the same time though, being sober all the time didn't seem fun.

Kenny was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. "You know what dude? Sometimes I just think about moving in with you." He confessed through a mouthful of cereal.

"Mhmm..." I murmured, I was making coffee. I wasn't interested in what Kenny was saying, I was still annoyed about last night. Now, with my hangover headache, it just seemed to be worse.

"I mean, you guys always have food, and your parents are so nice." Kenny gushed, "I could never leave Karen though."

This was all mindless chatter. Why was Kenny telling me this? I grabbed a mug and poured myself some coffee before sitting down across the table from Kenny.

"Thanks for letting me stay here all the time." Kenny added, sincerely.

"It's no big deal." I shrugged and drank my coffee. Kenny and I had a weird relationship. I always thought he was closer to me than Kyle and Cartman, now he was dating Kyle though so I wasn't sure. Maybe Kenny and Cartman had been best friends this whole time. Who knows? Kenny never mentions things like that. His topics of conversation stick strictly to who's the best in bed and other things I usually didn't care about.

And now Kenny was dating Kyle. I didn't want to think about that.

My stomach had started to flutter wen I was around Kyle, then I would think 'Oh shit, this is real'. Then I'd have to remind myself Kyle was with Kenny and it wouldn't work out. Not even Bebe could convince me that Kyle and I had a chance. Any confidence I had in this situation was gone.

"We should head to the bus stop." I sighed, standing to put my coffee mug in the sink. Kenny put his cereal bowl in as well. I grabbed my bag and together we headed to the bus stop.

The sun was shining and snow still covered the ground. The walk to the bus stop was short but the air was freezing. It was colder than usual, even with the sunlight. When we got to the bus stop Cartman and Kyle were standing there.

Kyle had a pissed off look on his face, arms crossed and staring straight forward. Cartman on the other hand looked sly and smug. Kenny and I glanced at each other, knowing they were probably fighting.

"You're such a fag, Kyle." Cartman jeered, "How man dicks have you sucked this week?"

Cartman was still getting a a kick out of Kyle being gay. I think he was tired of making Jew jokes and was happy to have new material to work with.

"You're such a fat fuck Cartman." Kyle groaned.

Cartman wasn't finished with Kyle yet though. "Have you came out yet?" It was rhetorical, "Oh right you can't, your mom's a bitch."

"Don't call my mom a bitch you fatass!" I could hear the anger steadily rising in Kyle's voice. Kenny and I knows better than to get in the middle of their fighting now.

"I can just imagine you coming out." Cartman cleared his throat and did a terrible impression of Kyle. "Hey mom, dad, I have some news. I'm a big fat fucking faggot. In my free time I suck dicks for fun." Cartman laughed turning away.

I saw anger flicker in Kyle's eyes, then a somewhat devious grinned spread across his face. "You know what Cartman?" He asked, his voice calm and steady. Kenny and I looked at each other again, tension in the air rising.

"What is it, Jew?" Cartman asked, he finished up his laughing session. Kyle pulled off one of his gloves with his mouth, then removed the other one.

"Cartman I fucking hate you, you stupid piece of shit!" Kyle yelled, lunging at Cartman, landing a punch right on his nose. It didn't stop there though, he continued to punch Cartman and soon it was a one sided fist fight; Kyle beating up Cartman and Cartman trying to fight back or escape- I wasn't really sure.

Kenny and I were stunned and not quite sure what to do. Kyle and Cartman hardly got physical, I guess Kyle was just at the end of his rope. Kenny jumped between them, "Stop it you fucking idiots!" He cried out, catching their attention.

"Kenny move." Kyle growled, but I grabbed him around the waist to pull him back.

Cartman stood with a bleeding nose, he covered it with a hand. "You little piece of shit, I outta kill you." Cartman's eyes flared with anger.

Kenny turned towards Cartman. "Come on let's go get you cleaned up." He said pushing on Cartman, forcing him to walk the other way. I heard Cartman mumble more hateful things about Kyle as Kenny lead him away.

I let go of Kyle and he turned to me, he looked annoyed. "Stan, you should've let me beat him up more."

"Dude, you could've gotten really hurt if he decided to fight back!" I defended. Cartman was a lot bigger than Kyle. I think Cartman knew that that punch was coming, Cartman usually deserved to be punched for something.

Kyle groaned, "I know, I know. I just snapped, okay? Cartman seriously pisses me off and I've been stressed with all the... Stuff that's been going on lately." He huffed. Kyle admitted there had been 'stuff' going on lately, I wondered what that 'stuff' was.

"Kyle tell me what's going on." I pleaded.

"Well let's see, I just beat up Cartman and- oh shit! If my mom finds out I'm going to be dead dude." Kyle turned pale, "Fucking shit, I'm fucking dead."

"Cartman won't tell anyone." I assured him, "He had it coming."

Kyle nodded, but I knew he didn't believe me. "Yeah."

The conversation had shriveled up and died when the bus pulled up. The bus ride was silent. By second period Cartman was back in class with a black eye. I didn't talk to him, there was nothing to be said.

In the hallway I overhead him telling Wendy about the incident. Wendy seemed really upset and worried, Cartman reassured her multiple times that he was okay.

At lunch Cartman sat with Wendy. Kyle looked tired but I knew he was just stressing about Cartman. "Dude just bride Cartman with something, he's easy." Kenny advised, placing a hand in Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle sighed, "It's not that easy. I've just been stressed lately, Kenny."

"Stressed about what?" Kenny asked, Kyle looked at him. They seemed to be talking through their eyes. "Oh, gotcha."

"Guys?" I piped up from across the table. "What's going on?"

"Well you see-" Kenny started, then he was interrupted.

"Khal, I'm going to tell your mom about this." Cartman, who had somehow appeared beside me stated.

Kyle jumped up, "Don't you dare fatass!"

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't."

Kyle stood dumbfounded, he had no ideas. There wasn't any reason Cartman shouldn't tell someone.

"You had it coming." I mumbled, taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Stan, you can't actually be siding with him." Cartman sneered, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Cartman, you're a fucking idiot. You can't just provoke someone like that and then not expect to get beat up. Honestly what did you think would happen? Kyle would just laugh it off and forgive you immediately? You of all people should know how quick Kyle gets set off. Stop being a dumbass." I criticized, then things got silent.

Now it was Cartman's turn to be baffled. Kyle crossed his arms and looked at him. "Let's just call it a truce for now."

Cartman sighed deeply, like this was all a burden on his soul. "Fine." He dragged it out, "But I'm warning you. One more thing and I'll make sure your mom knows."

Kyle narrowed his eyes as Cartman left. "What a fucking jackass."

Kenny didn't smoke today, so for once he was on time to foods class. We had to cook, it was some weir stir fry dish. It included broccoli, which we left Cartman to deal with.

Kenny put the oil into the pan and tried to get it to a heat where it wasn't popping. It didn't really work, there was hot oil everywhere. "It says here to add the vegetables." Kyle read off the recipe. "How's that broccoli coming fatass?"

Cartman was holding the bag of broccoli upside down. "It's fucking stuck."

"Well open it more." Suggested Kenny, very matter of factly. He walked over to help Cartman, this only made things worse. I guess the bag was pretty hard to open, or they were just stupid. "You pull that way, and I'll pull this way." Kenny said, they pulled. The bag of broccoli split open and it flew everywhere. The classroom got silent and all eyes turned to us.

The teacher sighed deeply, "You four, please come talk to me after class."

By the time we finished cleaning up the broccoli class had ended. We gathered at the teachers desk in the front of the room. "Why would you guys taking cooking class? You alway mess up the recipes and have no passion. Cooking is a science and an art, you must love it to do it."

"I didn't sign up for this class." Cartman interjected.

"Neither did I." Kenny mumbled after.

The teacher glanced between us. "So none of you took it?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. We all shook our heads and she sighed in exasperation. I figured that at this point she didn't know what to do with us so she wrote us notes for being late to our next class. "What happened to your eye?" She asked Cartman as she handed him a note.

I watched as Kyle bite his lip, probably saying a prayer that Cartman wouldn't say anything. "I got hit in the face with a baseball." Cartman lied, the teacher looked concerned, but we left before anything else could be done. He looked mad, I would be mad too if I had to lie about where I got my black eye from. Especially if the guy who gave me a black eye was in the same room as me.

The next few weeks were pretty uneventful. Cartman had returned to teasing Kyle, and Kyle and Kenny still acted weird. On the bright side my birthday was in two days, on the downside my birthday was on a Monday.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I had gotten Kyle to come over without Kenny. I was no longer banned from him, so now he could come and go freely. We sat on my couch, watching a weird sci-fi movie that was on tv. Kyle had been acting more withdrawn lately, it had been bugging me.

"Dude, is everything alright?" I asked him, he turned towards me.

"Everything's fine." He smiled, looking into my eyes with his perfect green ones. I felt my stomach flutter.

"Remember a few weeks ago when you said you were stressed out? Well are you still stressed?"

Something flickered across Kyle's face when I said that. "Yeah, but I probably won't be. For too much longer."

"Huh?" I was more confused than ever.

"I mean, Kenny and I... We..." Kyle trailed off and the shook his head. "I don't know."

Was he having relationship problems with Kenny? I hoped they were, I hoped they broke up. I felt selfish and rude for thinking that, but I wanted it to happen. "What's going on with you two?" I asked causally, sinking back into the couch.

Kyle shrugged, "Nothing." He answered bluntly. He looked back at the tv. "Your birthday's in two days, are you excited?"

"Yeah, but I'll be seventeen. That's fucking old." I pointed out, moving along with the conversation change.

"Yeah, what do you want for yous birthday?" Kyle seemed uninterested in the conversation, I was too. Small talk was the worst, but how was I supposed to get anything deeper when Kyle was shutting me out.

"A car." I replied simply. I didn't know why I wanted a car. It wasn't like I could drive away from my problems with it.

"Nice."

And just like that the conversation died. That had happened a lot lately, the conversation never lasted. Kyle always ended it after I tried to get him to talk. He's always change the subject and then finish off the conversation. It was a dead end and I was starting to give up.

I was starting to accept the fact that Kyle no longer trusted me. Even though he never came out and said it, I just assumed he felt that way. A few times I thought he could've just been planning a surprise birthday party or something, but no one in South Park can keep their goddamn mouth shut about shit like that.

I figured that only him and Kenny knew, and it was only effecting me. No one else mentioned weird things going on. No one else had weird secrets that they wouldn't share.

I glanced at Kyle, who was now concentrated on the show. He looked tired. He wasn't wearing his hat so his cute hair was exposed. It was strange to see it, strange in a good way.

If he noticed me staring he didn't say anything. I'm glad he didn't because I didn't want anything awkward to go down between us. Kyle was Kenny's now, and I guess I had to accept that.

 **Woohoo~! I actually updated this a lot sooner than usual. Thanks for all the support ^^**


	8. Chapter 8

The next afternoon there was a knock on the front door. I got up from my comfy place on the couch and opened it to see Cartman and Butters. It seemed like an odd mix, I just figured that Cartman had stopped talking to Butters when we all did. I never really paid attention to his life though, so I guess they could've still been friends. "Hey guys." I let them in, closing the door behind them.

Out of all the people, why them? Especially Cartman. "So, what brings you two here?"

"Has Kyle or Kenny told you?" Asked Butters, suddenly.

"Huh? About what?" I felt my hear skip a beat. I wanted Butters to tell me what was going on. Maybe he held all the answers.

Cartman brought his hand up and smacked Butters in the back of the head. It wasn't hard enough to really hurt him badly, but it wasn't soft enough to not hurt at all. Butters rubbed the back of his head and Cartman scowled. "Jesus, you weren't supposed to say anything you idiot."

I let out an exasperated sigh, I finally thought someone was going to shed some light on the subject. Instead Cartman had to fuck it up, Cartman fucked up everything though. I wasn't even surprised. I think Cartman hated me most of all- even though he said he hated Kenny the most- because I'm a 'damn hippie'. And everyone knows how much Cartman hates hippies. It could really be a tie between me and Kenny though. Then again, Cartman hated Kyle too. Cartman just hated everyone.

"Ah hamburgers, we had to at least ask him, Eric." Butters pointed out, he mashed his knuckles together out of habit. I glanced between him and Cartman.

"Tell me what the hell's been going on." I demanded, I was done with everyone's shit. I didn't want to put up with this stress anymore.

"Maybe we should just tell him." Butters whispered to Cartman.

Cartman shook his head, "No Butters, that's a bad idea. If you're going to keep talking about this then you're going to have to leave."

"Dude, you're being such a dick. Just let Butters talk." I scowled at Cartman.

"No, Butters, you have to leave." Cartman pointed to the door, "We can't risk you ruining this."

Oh Jesus Christ, Cartman was such an asshole. Butters actually left after that. I wonder why he listened to Cartman, and I was mad he left because there was no way Cartman would tell me. "What do you want?" I questioned, I didn't even try to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

"Butters was weak, I hope you understand why he had to leave." Cartman explained. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration and then plopped down on the couch. "I really came to talk to you about Wendy."

"Did you two break up?" I asked him, propping myself up.

Cartman cackled, "No way in hell. Dude, I've had a crush on her since like third grade."

What?

The Cartman I knew hardly ever admitted he had feelings. Was he going soft? "You're lying." I stated, I didn't believe him, of course.

"No, I'm being serious. Besides, being a straight guy here is hard, everyone is a fag. First it was Tweek and Craig, then Kenny and Kyle. Jesus, where will the faggy-ness ever end. It's like I'm stuck on a carousel with only gay people, and they are all so happy and shit. God, gay people piss me off." Cartman ended his little bitch fit by crossing his arms.

"So what's your point?" Cartman had lost me.

"My point is, I'm not gay." Cartman finished, "And for some odd reason there are way more males than females in this goddamn town. It's almost as if someone is begging us to be gay. So a lot of my childhood was spent looking for the perfect girl. At first I thought it should be the most feminine girl, which is probably Bebe, but I couldn't stand her. I had an in depth list of all the girls and I spent hours trying to find the right one."

I raised an eyebrow, I wondered where he was going with all of this.

"Wendy was perfect. She's nice, attractive, and sweet. Also there's a bonus, I get to piss you off and rub it in your face that we're dating and you can't have her." Cartman grinned, so that's what he wanted.

"Ugh, fuck you, if you wanted to come over just to rub it in then get out." I fell back on my back and closes my eyes.

Cartman laughed, "I'm so happy that you're annoyed about this, Stan. I take pleasure in seeing you sad."

"I don't even have a crush on Wendy anymore, Jesus Christ." I groaned.

"You don't?" Cartman asked. Shit- what had I just done? Now Cartman knew I had a crush on someone else. "Who do you have a crush on?"

"No one." I snapped, if Cartman found out that I had a crush on Kyle it would be game over for me.

"Tell me." Cartman pleaded, "If you don't tell me I'm going to assume you're a fag, just like everyone else."

I stayed silent for a moment, because I was a fag. I had a crush on Kyle, Cartman was right. I didn't want him to be right, I wanted him to leave and never return.

"Oh my god, Stan, you're a fag!" Cartman gasped dramatically, "Why are all my friends so gay? So who do you have a crush on?" He pestered.

There was really no point in hiding it now, "Promise you won't tell anyone."

"I can't promise that."

"Make the promise and say it's my birthday gift." I sighed.

"Fine, fine. I won't tell anyone." Cartman agreed.

"It's Kyle." I mumbled.

Cartman's expression changed, he was confused then it looked like he was realizing something. "Oh shit-" he stopped himself. "He was right." He murmured, as if to himself.

I waited for the sting of insults to come, but it didn't. "I always knew you were gay for him." Cartman informed me, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Go away." I said, throwing a pillow from the couch at him.

"Fine fine, later fag." Cartman laughed as he walked out the front door. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, I wanted to know what was going on. Even Cartman was acting strange.

A list of worst case scenarios ran though my head. Maybe I was dying and everyone was just acting different around me because they were trying to cope with my impending death. Then, on the other hand, maybe they were just planning a surprise birthday party for me.

There were too many possibilities. I guess I would just have to wait to find out.

The next morning my dad woke me up by ripping the covers off me. "Happy birthday Stanley!" He exclaimed as he did so.

I groaned in response, wishing he had just let me sleep in just a little bit longer. "Come on, get up. Your mom made you pancakes." My dad mentioned before he left the room. I sighed and got up, I couldn't say no to my moms pancakes.

In ten minutes I was downstairs devouring pancakes. It was nice to eat breakfast for a change, I usually didn't have time.

After I was done I walked to the bus stop. The sun was shining and a fresh coat of snow glittered in the light. Everything was bright and I knew today was going to be a good day. It was just one of those days that screamed happiness, beautiful days were never sad.

When I got to the bus stop everyone was there. "Happy birthday Stan!" Kyle smiled happily when I walked up to them.

"Yeah dude, happy birthday." Kenny chimed in, Cartman stayed quiet. He had a knowing look on his face, I just decided to ignore him for now though.

"How does it feel to be seventeen?" Kyle asked.

"The same as being sixteen." I laughed.

"It always feels like that." Kenny pointed out, smiling. I nodded in agreement.

Soon the bus turned the corner and we were off to school. A lot of people wished me a happy birthday.

Before lunch I was standing at my locker when Bebe walked up to me. "Happy birthday!" She smiled happily.

"Thanks." I replied, smiling. I set my books in my locker, I expected her to leave but she just stood there. She was smiling and rocking back and forth on her feet like she was expecting something to happen. "What?" I asked as I turned back around to face her.

"Have you told Kyle yet?"

I shook my head. I had told Cartman, but I still hadn't told Kyle. I didn't think I would too soon either. The thought of telling him didn't sound fun, especially if he was still dating Kenny. Bebe sighed, "You should tell him."

"Why?"

"Because, you need to take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" Bebe gushed.

"Dude, did you just quote The Magic School Bus?" I laughed and started walking in the direction of the lunchroom.

Bebe crossed her arms. "That show we the shit when we were eight." She called out after me.

I stopped and turned around her grin at her. "I'll tell him when the time is right, I promise."

She smiled, "Good luck, Stan."

"Thanks." I was probably going to need all the good luck I could get. I turned and walked the rest of the way to the lunchroom.

Soon I was sitting at the lunch table. Kenny and Kyle both looked uncomfortable to say the least. Kyle looked tired and Kenny just looked annoyed. "What's up with you two?" I asked.

They glanced at each other. "Kyle..." Kenny started, "We can't do this anymore."

Was I witnessing a break up? I felt my heart skip a beat. Kenny and Kyle were breaking up! But wait, why would Kenny word it like that?

"This has been going on too long anyways." Kenny looked at me, our eyes met. He was annoyed, and whatever he was annoyed about was about to all spill out. "Stan, there's something we have to tell you."

And finally, I knew, at that moment it would all become clear.

"Kyle and I were never actually dating. Jesus fucking Christ, you never even noticed did you? Stan, I love ya man, but you're so oblivious. Did you honestly think that I, Kenny McCormick would ever actually settle down with someone?" He questioned, then he stood up. "I'm done with this shit. I can't believe I thought this was a good idea in the first place. You obviously don't have a crush on Kyle, so I guess Kyle was right. God, I need to go smoke a pack." With that Kenny left.

I was more confused than ever. I glanced at Kyle hopefully, I wanted him to make things clear again. "Dude, Kenny and I made a bet." Kyle sighed softly. "Kenny keep saying you had a crush on me, right?"

I nodded, so this was all fake? Kenny and Kyle had just played with my emotions that much? No, they couldn't have.

"So we made a bet, I said you didn't have a crush on me and Kenny said you did. The goal was to make you as jealous as possible until you admitted your feelings. Kenny cracked though, I told him he couldn't sleep with anyone because someone might say something. If you found out that Kenny was still sleeping around the you would know that me and him weren't dating, I couldn't risk it." Kyle explained, he was looking down at the table. Waves of different emotions washed over me.

"Cartman still figured it out though. I got so caught up in keeping up with all this that I stressed Kenny out too. I can't believe you actually though we were dating, we could barely make it through pretend dating. It went on a lot longer than expected too, that's why things have been so strange lately; because we started to get careless." Kyle then laughed, "I guess Kenny was wrong about you having a crush on me though, because that would be crazy, right?"

That was the end of my patience. Something snapped inside me like a twig, I was pissed. I thought about every moment, every single fucking moment I had tore myself up about this. Every time I had thought about how peaceful death sounded, every time I had felt I wasn't enough, all for nothing. It was a joke, a fucking joke. Kyle and Kenny had played with my emotions to the point of no return.

I had almost froze to death in the snow because of this. I had been drinking more because of this. What the hell kind of 'prank' was this? Pranks were supposed to be funny, but who was laughing now? I was angry and upset, Kenny was sexual frustrated, and Kyle was guilty. No one was happy, this was just a bad time for everyone. I decided it was an experiment, and I was their Guinea pig. Their really fucked up Guinea pig.

I felt anger boil inside of me. I felt it trying to force me say things I didn't mean, the words were clawing up my throat, but I kept my lips shut tight. I didn't even noticed that my fists were clenched at my sides. How could they play with my emotions like that? How could they think any of this was okay?

I hated myself for falling for all of this. I hated the fact that Kyle didn't even realize I had a crush on him even more. No one had noticed how sad I had been, because no one cared.

And that was it.

No one cared.

If Kyle had really cared then he wouldn't have let Kenny play with my emotions. Instead he helped him play with my emotions. I suddenly felt insecure, what if I wasn't a good enough friend to Kyle. What if he didn't actually care about me at all? He maliciously set out to make me jealous. Not only had be made me jealous, he had me me jealous, sad, and an avid drinker.

Happy fucking birthday.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that, right?" I whispered, it was pretty soft, but I knew Kyle had heard it. I stood up, not looking at either of them ANS then I walked outside.

Snow had started falling again, I started walking home. I think Kenny had followed me out and called out my name, but I ignored him. I was in auto pilot the whole way home, when I got to my house I stopped and stared at it. All the houses in South Park were pretty fucking weird. I saw my dad walk past the window downstairs, I couldn't go inside if he was there. He would kill me for ditching school since I had already missed so much.

I turned and walked towards the pond. The pond had become a place of solitude and comfort. When I got there I sat in the snow, I didn't care if I froze to death. Not now, not ever. I wanted to just freeze and stay frozen forever, like that iceman I had found once. I smiled slightly as I remembered how Kyle and I got in a fight about naming him, but now I couldn't even remember the two names.

My smile turned to a frown. That was such a big deal when it happened, now it was nothing. Was this whole thing going to turn out like this too? Would this not matter at all in a few years?

This wasn't some little thing though, it was bigger than that. I was mad that they had played with my emotions so much, then they were so caught up in their 'prank' that they didn't realize they were hurting me.

My fingers started to get red and numb from the cold, I had been resting my hands in the snow. If I kept this up I would get frostbite for sure.

I sat there at awhile, thinking about nothing, but at the same time, thinking about everything. I couldn't focus on one single thing. My thoughts floated into my mind and then right back out again. I stared at the heavenly white powder that was clinging to my clothes and smiled softly. I loved the snow, I wished I could've stayed in it all day.

Soon I heard soft voices being carried through the wind. "He's probably over here." It was Kenny, I could tell. Shit, they probably had been following my footprints. I quickly stood and walked over to a grove of trees, dusting my foot prints over with the powdery snow.

I guess, if nothing else, growing up in South Park had taught me how to sneak around in the snow. Once I was deep enough in the grove off thees, I stopped and stood still. I held my breath, I couldn't see Kyle and Kenny but I knew they were there. I didn't want them to find me, I didn't have anything to say to them.

"Dammit, why do his foot prints lead here and then stop." Kyle muttered, "There's even an imprint from where he was sitting here."

"Well, we have to keep looking for him. Maybe he went back home, he couldn't have stayed out here too long in this weather." Kenny pointed out. I prayed that they would walk the other way, although I wasn't expecting them to walk through the trees anyways.

"Yeah, let's go see." Kyle responded, soon I heard them walk off. I hoped they didn't go and knock on my front door. If they did my dad would find out I wasn't at school. I figured dealing with my dad being mad and grounding me or whatever, was easier than chasing after them and telling them to stop.

I needed to get out of the cold.

I decided that the best place to go was the coffee shop. At least there I could get a drink and keep out of the cold. After waiting a few more minutes, just to make sure Kyle and Kenny were definitely gone, I ventured out of my hiding place. I trudged through the snow and towards Tweek Bros.

When I got there I was shivering and numb. Mrs. Tweak was working there today, she looked surprised to see me. I probably looked like shit too, I felt like shit anyways. I shook off the snow that had clung to me before fully stepping inside.

I got just a black coffee, it was more for warmth than anything else. When I got I wrapped my hands around it, enjoying the warmth that spread through my cold, numb hands. I held it there as the feeling returned to them, I wanted to feel that warmth throughout my whole body. It was comfortable, it was nice.

I pulled out my phone and saw I had a bunch of texts from Kyle.

 **I'm sorry dude**

 **Where did you run off too?**

 **I'm such a dick, I shouldn't have done this in the frist place.**

 **Kenny and I are ditching school to find you**

 **Look, I know you're hiding out somewhere and probably reading all these texts, but you should really just call me. I'm worried about you! I'm such an asshole. I know you're probably pissed but call me when you get the chance. Sorry for the shitty birthday**

I read them all again, I decided not to reply. I sighed as I looked at the time, I still had thirty minutes to kill before I could even think about going back home. I decided that I would just have to drink more coffee and wait.

Three coffee's later I decided it was an good time for me to return home. The walk back seemed short because I was so hyped up on all that caffeine. When I got home I kicked off my shoes and took off my hat and jacket. I ran my hands through my hair a couple times, trying to not make it look like hat hair. It probably still did though.

My dad walked in the living room. "Kyle and Kenny came by." He informed me, I looked at him and nodded. I knew they had, and I knew what they were doing. I couldn't let him know that though.

"What did they want?" I walked over to the couch and picked up a blanket, wrapping it around myself.

"They wanted you to call them asap." He said, taking a sip from the beer can that was in his hand. "Your mom is making macaroni and cheese for dinner, your favorite."

My favorite food changed on an almost weekly basis, I was happy that my mom had listened to my complain about wanting macaroni for the past week. I smiled, "Yay." I replied, then I say on the couch and watched tv.

Just about the time dinner was ready there was a knock on the front door. I opened it and expected to see Kyle or Kenny, but instead it was Shelly. She pulled me into a hug that squeezed the air out of me. "Hey turd, I drove all the way from Denver to here just to celebrate your birthday."

"Thanks, what would I do without you." My voice was thick with sarcasm. Shelly and I loved each other, we really did, we just kind of had an unspoken agreement to always be dicks to each other. The system worked out pretty well though, and hey, if it's not broke don't fix it.

Soon we were all gathered around the table enjoying macaroni and cheese. My parents kept asking Shelly about Denver and her life, I mostly kept quiet. I didn't mind that my parents were basically ignoring me on my birthday, I was still tore up about everything that happened today.

Towards the end of the meal my dad finally addressed me. "Stanley, do you want your birthday gift now?" He inquired. I nodded, I hoped it was a car.

My mom smiled and held up a key. I smiled, it was a real smile. She handed me the key and I looked at it, it was to a jeep. "Holy shit!" I exclaimed, maybe this day wouldn't be complete shit after all.

"We got you a jeep just incase you got stuck anywhere and needed it." My mom explained.

Shelly kicked me under the table. "Yeah, I'm sure this turd is terrible at diving."

I helped my mom do the dishes. "Why don't you go take your new car out for a spin?" My mom asked as she washed off a plate.

I took it and started to dry it. "I want to wait until they plow the roads." I explained, outside it was still snowing heavily. "Tomorrow."

Tomorrow I would drive it to school and I wouldn't have to walk or ride the stupid fucking bus anymore. I had been waiting so long for this day.

"I think you should go today, turd, take me for a ride." Shelly commanded as she put away the dishes.

I sighed, but eventually she pestered me enough that I actually agreed to go with her. We just drove around town, Shelly was staying oddly quiet. "I just wanted to tell you this without mom and dad around."

"Huh?" I asked, I stopped in a parking lot, I wasn't even sure what it was for.

"Now we already both know that I'm the best sister in the world," she started, I rolled my eyes. "But I just wanted to tell you that I love you, you little turd."

"You made me drive you out here just so you could tell me that you love me?" I questioned.

"You're supposed to say 'I love you too'." Shelly pointed out.

"Fine, I love you too."

"Now that's more like it. I didn't get you a birthday present, so let's just say that his was your present." Shelly smiled, "The love of your sister."

"You're stupid." I laughed as I started driving back towards home.

"You're stupid too." Shelly smiled, it was just another way of her saying that she loved me.

Shelly insisted on sleeping in my room, which left me on the couch. I wish she could've slept in her old room but my dad had converted that room into an office.

After everyone had gone to sleep I stayed awake watching Terrance and Phillip. Thoughts of Kyle and Kenny began to invade my mind. I still couldn't believe that I had fallen for their ticks. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid.

I decided I wanted a drink, and that I deserved it because it was my birthday. When I went to the fridge the first thing my eyes landed on was that god forsaken S'mores Schnapps. I decided that since it was so good I was going to need to drink more than one. I preemptively grabbed four, though I thought that was kind of over doing it.

I returned to the couch with a bottle opener and the bottles. I popped the top off the first bottle and started drinking. My first tipsy thoughts were about Kyle.

The way he looked at me with his beautiful green eyes, the way he smiled at me with his perfectly straight teeth. I felt my heart flutter in my chest just thinking about him. I loved Kyle with all my heart, he was perfect to me.

Well he was, past tense. I finished off the first bottle and opened the second. Kyle had been acting like a complete bitch. Then again, maybe I was overreacting.

The sickly sweet Schnapps burned as it went down my throat. I finished the second bottle faster then the first one.

I was already feeling pretty shitty about all this, and drinking wasn't really helping. The third bottle was better than the second one though, because now my mind was swimming.

I thought about Kyle, and how he wouldn't appreciate me being drunk. It didn't matter to me though, nothing matter to me in that moment. Not even Kyle and his stupid beautiful face.

God, I loved him so much.

Except at the same time I felt resentment towards him. Kyle was basically perfect, attractive, smart, kind. At least I thought he was kind, and he was mostly. He was just acting like a stupid little bitch, but I would forgive him. No matter how long it would take, I knew I would forgive Kyle. There was no way I could remain mad at him, no way in hell.

I was halfway through the forth bottle now.

I hated myself for drinking. I hated myself for getting hurt by this, I was acting like a pussy. I wondered why anyone even liked me.

Then I realized that no one actually liked me. Maybe everyone just tolerated me. Maybe that was why Wendy and I never worked out, because she just tolerated me. Maybe Kyle had been best friends with Kenny all these years instead of me, but just let me think that we were best friends. I felt tears sting my eyes and I begged it not to happen, but then I was crying.

I never learned how to cry with style, I hated crying. I hadn't cried in front of anyone since I was a kid. Now I was crying alone, finishing up the forth bottle of schnapps. How was I already done with the fourth bottle? That was the fastest I had ever drank that much, and I didn't feel too good about it.

As much as I tried to hold them in, the tears rolled down my cheeks with no signs of stopping. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them. My soft sobs were muffled by my knees, though I knew no one would come down here and find me like this.

I felt a tugging in my stomach, it was a warning that I was going to throw up. I didn't want to throw up, why did I throw up so easily. I tried to think about something else, and surprisingly, the feeling passed.

The feeling of everything passed. A mix of tears and alcohol blurred my vision, the sound of the tv seemed distant. Time seemed to move in slow motion, everything slowed. The tears weren't falling anymore. I laid back on the couch, I think my hand knocked a bottle off the couch. I heard the distant shatter of something.

I didn't matter though, nothing mattered anymore. I closed my eyes and repeated it to myself. _Nothing matters, nothing matters, nothing matters._ If I lied to myself long enough, maybe I would believe it.

 **Thank you for all the reviews and favorites on this story, I'm glad you're all enjoying it so much! At first I didn't think I would ever publish this story but I'm glad I ended up doing it. I'll try to get the next chapter up fast ^-^**


	9. Chapter 9

I opened my eyes to a bright, blinding light. I quickly sat up but then I felt a hand push me back into a laying position. "You need to get rest Stanley, just relax." It was my moms soothing voice. I blinked a few times before everything came into focus.

I was in a hospital room. What had happened last night? "Mom?" I asked, my voice sounded weird and weak. I couldn't believe it had came from me. I was pretty sick though, a headache and a stomach ache. I felt sore all over too and really sleepy.

"Hmm?" I felt my mom take my hand in hers and I closed my eyes.

"What's going on?" I asked her, still in that weird strange voice. I noticed there was an IV in my arm and wondered if I was dying. I always though dying would feel peaceful, this was the total opposite.

My eyes wondered around the room. The walls were cream and peeling. The room was as devoid of beauty as I was of hope. There was a faded green curtain that separated me from someone else, I wondered for a moment if that bed was filled.

I hated hospitals. On one floor someone could be taking thier final breath while on another floor a baby could be taking its first.

I realized at this point my mom hadn't answered me. I looked to the side, moving my head seemed like too much effort. My mom had a far off look on her face. "I'll explain it to you later, just go back to sleep."

Maybe I had fallen and hurt myself, I did remember drinking something last night. I didn't think it was ano ugh to make me this sick though. I really needed to stop drinking that shit never the less though. Sleep did sound nice though. I nodded weakly and then closed my eyes. This bed was uncomfortable, but at this point I didn't care. I let sleep pull me down into its dark peaceful pit.

The next time I came around I was fully conscious. On the bedside table there was a tray with soup and crackers, it looked as if it had been sitting there for awhile. My mom had left and the room was vacant. I looked over at the pale green curtain and decided that there was no one on the other side.

My headache had died down. Now I was just hungry and annoyed. I didn't want to be stuck in the hospital, I didn't even know why I was here. Now there wasn't even anyone around to tell me why I was here.

I looked at the IV that was attached to my arm and followed it up to a bag of some sort of clear liquid. I glanced around the room again, it really was ugly. I knew why people brought flowers to hospital rooms, because everyone in this place would be depressed if there wasn't just a little bit of color. The floor was white and gray title, it was sparkling clean. Everything smelled like cleaning products and sick people. It was just a normal hospital smell. The smell made it hard to pretend that I wasn't in a hospital, but I still tried.

The door to the room opened and in walked my mom. "I leave for two minutes and you wake up." She sighed, walking over to the chair beside the bed and sitting down in it. She sat slumped in the chair, I noticed she had dark circles under her eyes.

I opened my mouth to ask her why she was so tired, and then I remembered that I was in the hospital. I closed my mouth again and looked around. It was Hell's Pass. It felt weird to actually be inside it again. I guess that me- and all my friends- got hurt a lot more when we were younger, I hadn't been here for years.

Wait, why was I here in the first place? "Mom, why am I in the hospital?" I asked.

"You don't remember?" She questioned, a look of worry on her face. I shook my head, last night was a blur. "You got alcohol poisoning." She informed me.

"No, no, I didn't drink that much." Had I drank that much? I didn't think I was that irresponsible.

"You were pretty sick last night. You thew up two times, well first you passed out. Shelly woke you back up though, you were in a daze. We decided we should probably take you to the hospital." My mom ran a hand through my hair and then pushed it back from my eyes. "You should really get a hair cut."

My hat was missing, no wonder my head was so cold. "I don't remember any of that." I sighed softly. God, I was stupid. "How much did I drink?"

"You drank four bottles of S'more's Schnapps in twenty minutes! Plus you hadn't eaten for a long time. According to the doctors you're lucky to be alive. The alcohol content in that drink is so high, I made you dad throw out all the ones that were left." My mom seemed flustered, she must've been genuinely worried about me.

"Oh." I replied simply. I didn't know what to say, but the silence was weird and I felt like something needed to be said. After a moment I glanced at my mom, "I'll stop drinking." I told her, mostly just to calm her nerves. I didn't think I would actually stop drinking, I just had to be smarter about it now.

"Stanley, I just don't want you to turn out like Randy. You know your dad... And alcohol." She sighed, then she stood.

"You're not going to leave me here, are you?" I asked. The only thing worse than being in a hospital is being alone in a hospital.

"I have to go home and clean the house." She glanced at th clock, "It's already one, I've been here since last night."

I guess it was selfish of me to want her to stay, but I didn't want to be left alone. I just nodded weakly as she left, then I let out a sigh and looked at the tv in the corner of the room. It was on some weird nature program about dolphins. I reached for the remote and flipped through the channels to find something interesting to watch.

I finally settled on Terrance and Phillip, because it seemed to be the only show that was ever fucking on.

The next few hours I spent drifting in and out of sleep. The doctor came in and looked me over a few times. At first he just shook his head and scrawled things on a clipboard before leaving, but after a few visits I guess he decided I was doing better. I still felt like shit. "You'll be able to go home this evening, just make sure to get lost of rest." The doctor said. He smiled softly, "You have some visitors. I think they're names were Kyle and Kenny, want me to send them in?"

I nodded and as he left I remembered I was still upset with Kenny and Kyle. God, they were so stupid. I didn't really want to deal with their shit right now, but it was too late because they were already walking through the doorway. "For once it's not me laying in a hospital bed." Kenny grinned, he did have a point.

I smiled weakly as Kyle walked over to the side of the hospital bed. "How're you doing?" He asked softly.

"I feel like shit." I replied, closing my eyes. Actually seeing Kenny and Kyle made me remember why I was so mad; they had lied to me. I felt stupid that I had let them string me along for so long. I felt stupid that I nearly drank myself to death.

"I told you you shouldn't drink." Kyle said, very matter-of-factly. I didn't want a lecture from Kyle, I knew I had fucked up.

"I know, I'm an idiot." I replied simply. I think it caught Kyle off guard because there was a silence that followed.

"Why'd you do it?" Kenny questioned suddenly.

I laughed, "You honestly thought I did this on purpose?"

"Hey, stranger things have happened." Kenny said in defense. I guess he was right. Maybe I had done this on purpose. Maybe I wanted to kill myself and thought this was a good option. I couldn't remember why I kept drinking, I was probably just being stupid.

"I'm tired." I told them, it was an attempt to get them to leave. I hated being alone in hospitals, but I hated this weird rift in the room. The conversation was forced and unnatural. I felt like they didn't want to be here, like their moms made them come and see me.

"We can go, so you can get some rest." Kyle smiled at me, "But here, take this." He handed me a present. "It's a day late, but I didn't really see you yesterday."

I smiled and opened the box. Inside there was a pair of black converse. "They're for your wannabe emo look." Kyle explained.

I smiled, "Thanks Kyle." I had forgot it was my birthday with all the stuff going on. Kenny reached in the pocket of his sweatshirt and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to me. In Kenny's handwriting it read 15% off a FREE lap dance by Kenny McCormick! I read it again. "Why is is 15% off if it's free?" I asked him.

"Because I didn't want to seem too desperate." Kenny explained, "I can't just go around handing out certificates for free lap dances, then everyone will want one."

I gave him a weird look and he shrugged and grinned. Kyle laughed, "Come on Kenny. Let's let Stan get some rest."

"See you later dude." Kenny smiled as he left. Kyle hugged me- as best as he could with me laying in a hospital bed- before leaving.

I was lucky to have Kyle as a friend, he was the best.

The best had lied to me. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Kyle had pulled that big of a prank on me just to get a jealous reaction. I was more annoyed than anything.

I set the box and coupon aside and closed my eyes. I was upset with everything. I was mad at myself because I was still hopelessly in love with Kyle, not matter how mad I was at him. He was still adorable and perfect, and I still wanted to tell him that I had a crush on him. I couldn't tell him though. It made me feel sick just thinking about telling him. What if it ruined our friendship? Kyle would act all flattered about it but then we would slowly drift apart.

I didn't want to think about that though. I glanced around the hospital room, looking for anything interesting to take my mind off things. I finally settled on actually watching the documentary about dolphins, because Terrance and Phillip got boring.

Eventually I fell asleep and woke up to my dad shaking me lightly and telling me it was time to go home. When we got home I felt like shit, I just wanted to take a ten year nap. Luckily for me, my parents left me alone. I had a feeling I would get in trouble later though.

I wasn't paying attention to the time, I just knew it was dark. Sparky sat nuzzled up against me on the couch. There was a knock on the door. I sighed and wrapped myself in a blanket before walking over to the door and answering it. Sparky ran around barking. When I opened the door he bolted out of it.

Kyle was standing on my porch holding a plate. "My mom insisted I bring you these cookies." Kyle smiled softly. His green eyes shined through the darkness, they were beautiful. If I looked too long I could get lost in them. "Do you want me to go get Sparky?" He asked.

"It's fine, he always runs out the front door. He's just in the yard." I dismissed, my voice still sounded weak and quiet.

"How're you feeling dude?"

"Shitty." I replied, taking the cookies and eating one. Kyle's mom was a good cook, but she was nowhere near as good as mine.

"I'm sorry." Kyle watched me eat the cookie. I suddenly felt self conscious. I looked like shit, I was pale and sick, and Kyle was looking at me. This had never mattered before, but I didn't want him to see me like this. Kyle opened his arms to invite me to give him a hug. I set the plate of cookies down before stepping forward and hugging him.

That was the best I'd felt in while. There was nothing better than being hugged by someone taller than you. I tightened the hug and sighed softly, Kyle smelled like candles, it was comforting. The hug lasted a little longer than usual, but I didn't mind. In fact if I could freeze time, I fucking would. I needed to tell Kyle, I wanted to tell him. "Kyle I-"

There was a loud bump, followed by the screeching of breaks. Kyle and I dropped the hug and turned to face the road. I could see the outline of a truck. The front door opened and someone hopped out. "Oh my god!" Someone cried, I was pretty sure it was Wendy, but my head was still foggy.

The passenger got out, "What did we hit?" Asked a voice I knew all too well, Cartman. Hit? What had they- Sparky.

I felt myself go into a cold sweat. No, they couldn't have hit Sparky. Sparky was too smart to go out into the street. Then again, he was old and had poor eyesight. No, they didn't hit Sparky, it had to be something else. But what else could it have been? I felt my heart sink inside of me. I didn't want to lose Sparky, I couldn't. He was a part of my family and I loved him. He couldn't be gone just like that. Kyle turned back to me, he looked startled. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What is it?"

Obviously Kyle hadn't connect the dots. "Sparky-" I manage red to choke out. If I said anymore I was worried I might burst into tears.

I watched as Kyle's became worried. "Wait right here." Kyle walked off towards Wendy and Cartman. I felt light headed, I hoped this was all a bad dream. I couldn't start crying now though, I hated crying in front of my friends, especially if Cartman was here.

"At least that fag is dead." I heard Cartman say.

"Shut your mouth, fatass." Kyle retorted.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, Jew." Cartman replied.

"Yeah, and I want to break every fucking bone in your body." Kyle huffed in annoyance, they were all walking over to me now. I mentally consoled myself not to cry until they left. Don't cry, don't cry, you can after they leave.

When they got to me, Wendy burst out into tears. "Stan, I'm so sorry I hit Sparky." She pulled me into a tight hug, I didn't return it.

Sparky was dead. He was fucking gone forever. Death was a weird concept, one day someones here and the next you never got to see them again. Wendy continued to hug me, Kyle stood by looking worried and Cartman looked bored. I didn't want to cry, but Wendy being so upset almost made me cry.

"It, uh, happens." I said, taking a step back into my house. "I'm really sick guys." With that, I closed the door. It didn't even matter that I left the cookies out on the front porch. I just stood behind the door and felt tears build up behind my eyes. Soon I was sobbing and just standing behind the front door. It happens, I repeated to myself, I'm a fucking idiot.

I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest as I cried. I couldn't help it, everything was falling apart.

My mom found me like this. "It's late, let's get you in bed." She said softly, stroking my hair. She walked me up to my bedroom and then kissed me on the cheek before hugging me then leaving. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed, starring at the ceiling. I was such a fucking idiot, I should've told Kyle to get sparky when he asked. I shouldn't have drank that Snchapps or Kyle wouldn't have been over at all.

In the end I just blamed myself for Sparky's death. Then, someway and somehow, I was able to fall asleep.

The next morning I didn't wake up with a headache, in fact, it was a beautiful sunny morning. I heard a bird outside my window and then it hit me. It was late in the morning, and it was the middle of the week. Sparky was dead, I was still upset with Kyle and Kenny, and I had been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

I groaned and rolled over, burying my head in my pillow. I wanted to just go to sleep, forever.

I felt sadness lay over me like a blanket. It killed off all my other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was if I was surrounded by black mist that would never leave. I couldn't even feel the sun shine through my window. I felt as if I was dying a painful death, like someone was giving me paper cuts and it was slowly killing me.

Eventually my mom came in and told me to come downstairs and eat something. I wrapped a blanket around me before journeying down the stairs to have some French toast.

I ate the whole meal without really tasting any of it. I just couldn't get over the fact that Sparky was dead, and that Wendy ran him over. While I ate my mom looked at me worriedly, I tried not to make eye contact with her. "Kyle told me about Sparky." My mom told me softly.

I sighed in response and stood to go put my dishes in the sink. "He was old Stan-" my mom started, but I didn't want to hear anymore.

"Stop mom, it was Sparky, I loved him."

"Maybe we can get another dog?" She suggested.

"We can't just replace him, it hasn't even been a day." I ran my hands through my hair. My mom stayed silent after that. I glanced out in the backyard, it was weird to not see Sparky running around and digging holes.

I walked back upstairs to my room and laid back down. I was still feeling out of it, the rest of the afternoon I drifted in and out of sleep. I felt like shit, and it didn't feel like the feeling would soon go away.

There was a soft knock on my door, it was pushed open to reveal Kyle on the other side. "Holy shit dude, you look sick as fuck!" He exclaimed.

"Thanks." I replied, my voice thick with sarcasm. Kyle stepped in my room and closed the door behind him.

"Hoe do you feel?" He questioned.

"Shitty." I responded blankly.

Kyle walked over and sat on the edge of the bad. "Sorry dude."

"For what?"

"I feel bad." He replied simply. I sighed and closed my eyes. "Also for me and Kenny playing that stupid prank." He admitted.

The 'prank' was the whole damn reason I ended up in this mess. I'd let my feelings get the best of me. I had thought with my heart not my brain, and I had almost drank myself to death. "It's fine." I replied coldly.

"We shouldn't have done it." Kyle finished up, then the subject was dropped. He didn't have anything else to say and I didn't have a smartass comment to add. After a few moments of silence Kyle looked at me, "How's the status of your crush?"

"Why are you so damn persistent about this?" I laughed weakly and looked back at him. His eyes sparkled as he smiled.

"I'm just curious." He answered, laughing.

"What about you, do you have a crush?" I realize that it had slipped my mind to ever asked Kyle this. It would be vital to know this, maybe then I'd be able to tell him my feelings (or maybe I'd know not to). "A real crush, not a fake one on Kenny." I added.

Kyle's smile turned to a frown at my last comment. "I do, but I think they're upset with me right now."

"Who is it?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows. "What if it really is Kenny?" I questioned out loud.

"It's not Kenny." Kyle said, though he didn't sound too convincing. "That was just a stupid prank."

"Yeah, I hope you two never pull a fucking stunt like that again. It was annoying as fuck. You two combined are worse than Cartman." I huffed, my voice full of annoyance. My mood had suddenly changed and at the moment I wanted nothing more than for Kyle to just leave me alone.

"Stan, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do to make it up to you? It's in the past now." Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Dude you don't understand." I said weakly, laying back down.

"Then explain it to me."

I had a chance, a perfect opportunity to confess my feelings. I opened my mouth to tell him. I tried, I really tried, but nothing came out. It was as if my throat had closed and the words were stuck. I wanted to tell him, there was so much I wanted to tell him. He had been so busy hanging out with Kenny that we had barely talked in the past few weeks. "It's just really complicated, okay?" My voice softened at the end.

"Stan I know something's wrong. You ended up in the hospital for drinking for hells sake, it's pretty obvious. I want to help you, we're best friends! But I can't help you if you can't tell me what's going on in your life. Normally I'd think it was just because of Sparky, but this has been going on a lot longer." Kyle's voice was full of worry. I didn't want him to worry about me, I just had a stupid crush.

I was in love with my best friend.

My best friend who was sitting next to me, worrying about me because he could tell I was sad. Yet somehow I couldn't talk to him. I needed to come up with an excuse. "Stress..." I finally said as a half assed answer. It wasn't complete false, I was stressed. It just wasn't the whole truth.

"That's vague." Kyle stated bitterly.

"School." I sighed, as if it was more of an answer.

"We used to tell each other everything." Kyle mused, his tone changing suddenly. "Trust is like a flower, blooming as it grows, but I guess it's winter and our trust flower has shriveled up and died."

I figured I was probably being a bad friend. At least Kyle cared enough to to notice something was wrong with me. The thing was, I trusted Kyle, I just wasn't ready to tell him. I couldn't think of a way to explain that to him though, I doubted anything I would say would change his mind. I realized I had dug myself in a hole and i would have a hard time getting out of it. Especially since I was in this alone. Bebe and Cartman were the only people who knew I had a crush on Kyle, and they weren't much for helping people.

"Kyle I trust you." I mustered the most reassuring voice possible. "It's just that... Things have been weird lately. I meant Wendy broke up with me for Cartman. Cartman, that's crazy. I have a crush on a boy, and I ended up in the hospital because of all my drinking. Also Sparky is dead. I'm stressed, I'm failing all my classes, the end of the quarter is coming up. And you running around with Kenny isn't helping, I've missed you. We've barely hung out in the past month because you've been so preoccupied with this prank." I felt my eyes water, but I promised myself I wouldn't cry so I blinked them back. Besides, this was all my fault, I couldn't cry. I was the one that drank the alcohol, I was the one that let sparky out, I was the one that hadn't done my work in my classes. The only think Kyle did was play a stupid prank, yet I couldn't help feel some resentment towards him.

Kyle sat there dumbfounded, "I- I didn't know." He stumbled over his words.

"Yeah, I've noticed." My words were dull and cold as ice.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He demanded.

"You were always busy." I pointed out, I had lost my fire. The words coming out of my mouth were unemotional and monotone. I was done arguing with him.

"You should've tried harder, I'd always put you before Kenny." Kyle insisted, "I was just so caught up in the prank that I kinda, well, forgot."

"Kyle, I don't want to hear this shit." My voice was emotionless, it surprised me. I was tired, I was sick, and I wanted Kyle to stop talking about this. "Will you just leave me alone for awhile?" I asked, I didn't look at him.

"Stan-"

I cut him off before he could say anymore. "No, Kyle, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just leave me alone for awhile." I repeated.

Kyle sighed in defeat. "See you later dude." Kyle sounded annoyed as he left, I wouldn't blame him.

Once Kyle was gone I felt bad. I couldn't call him after I did all that dramatic shit though, that would be too pathetic. On the other hand, I couldn't talk to anyone else about this.

Had I just got rid of the person I needed most right now?

No. Kyle and I wouldn't be mad at each other for long, right? He knew I got like this when I was sad, it was like he was walking into a trap he knew was there.

I groaned and turned on my side, closing my eyes. My headache from earlier had returned. I couldn't decide if it was because I was tired of stressed, it was probably a mixture of both.

I forced myself to to go to sleep, but it was only a nap because my dad decided to vacuum the whole house while singing. I put another pillow over my head to try and drown out the noise but I could still hear his voice.

Eventually he got go my room and burst through the door. "How are you feeling Stanley?" He asked, turning off the vacuum.

"Shitty." I groaned.

"I hope you learned you lesson Stan, alcohol is bad." He informed me. I squinted my eyes at him. What the fuck? My dad was the town drunk, I never though I'd hear those words come out of his mouth.

"Did mom tell you to tell me this?" I asked him.

"Now son, you mom doesn't have to tell me what to tell you. I can think for myself." He insisted. I knew Mom had made him do it.

I just shook my head, "Hurry up and clean my room so I can go back to sleep."

My dad made fast work of my room. Soon he was completely done and the house was quiet again. I looked at the clock. It was only eight and I hadn't had dinner but I decided that it was the best time for me to go to sleep. I closed my eyes and sighed, and prayed that Kyle would forgive me.

 **It's been way too long since I've updated, wow. I was stuck on writing this for a long time but I kind of have a better idea of where this story is going now. Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites! ^^**


	10. Chapter 10

I went back to school a week after my birthday. My parents had been nice enough to let me take the whole week off, as long as a promised not to complain about going back on Monday. I didn't complain though, because now I had a car and wasn't stuck riding on the shitty bus.

Driving to school was pretty awesome. It was nice after being on the bus for so long. Also this was another way I could avoid having to talk to Kyle. He hadn't talked me since I told him to leave me alone, and I didn't blame him. I basically told him to fuck off, and he was doing just that.

When I got to school I parked my car and sighed. Then there was a tap on the window and an overly happy Bebe on the other side. I opened the door and stepped out. "Where've you been?" She asked, then she followed it up with, "Is this your car?"

I didn't have an answer to the first question, so I just skipped to the second. "Yep, I got it for my birthday."

Bebe smiled, "Nice." She didn't seem phased that I hadn't answered the first question, or she didn't want to pry. I was fine with it either way.

Kenny suddenly appeared behind Bebe. "Dude holy shit, I though you were never coming back!" He exclaimed.

"I wish." I replied, tucking my hands in the pocket of my sweatshirt. Bebe left after Kenny joined us, I guess she was still mad at him.

"How've you been?" Kenny asked.

"Tired." I said simply.

"Kyle's pretty upset, he told me about your guys' fight." Kenny put his hands in his pockets and looked at me, expecting me to say something. I didn't have anything to say though.

I couldn't just go running back to Kyle after the way I acted. Kyle was too nice if a person, he deserved better friends. I was a lame excuse for one. Maybe Kenny could be a better friend than I was. "Yeah." I finally replied, I didn't want the silence to hang around us for too long. "I'm pretty upset too." I admitted softly.

"I would suggest to apologize to him, but you guys are both being salty about this whole thing." Kenny pointed out.

I couldn't blame Kenny, he had no idea what was going through my mind all day. He had no idea that every time I looked at Kyle my heart sped up and that my stomach filled with butterflies. And they weren't just butterflies, they were more extreme. They made me feel like I was going to throw up, but in a good way, like when I was younger and would always throw up whenever Wendy kissed my cheek or some shit.

It was then I realized, Wendy was the only person I had ever loved. At least I think I loved her, sometimes I wasn't so sure. The thing I had with Kyle was different. Yeah it still included butterflies and sweaty palms, but it felt much more real. It felt like if I didn't get to talk to him, hear his voice or his laugh, the world would get dark and gray.

But I had fucked it all up.

Kenny was right, we were acting salty. Now all I could do was stand back and watch as Kyle and I drifted apart like we were lost at sea on different rafts. I was such a dick, I had failed at being a friend. "What am I going to do about this?" I asked Kenny, my voice cracked slightly, but I didn't want it to. I didn't want to cry, not now, but I felt like I could at any moment.

"Apologize to him." Kenny said, his voice softer than usual.

"Yeah, if I were him I wouldn't accept my apology." And it was true. Maybe I was just being to hard on myself, but I was a terrible person. I thought back to when I had called Cartman out on his shit at the movie theater, I had said I was better than him, I didn't think so anymore. I knew I was in trouble, Eric Cartman was a better person than me.

Kenny sighed deeply and looked at me. "Stan, I know I never really say anything too important, but this is real shit. I've spent my whole life hanging out with you and Kyle, you guys are best friends. I've always been jealous of your guys relationship, you guys could always get through your fights and problems and somehow manage to still be best friends at the end of it all. I don't think you should throw away your friendship over all this, that'd be so stupid. If you're mad at Kyle for the prank then you should be mad at me instead, it was my idea anyways. You need to take a chance and apologize to Kyle, if you don't your guys friendship will end and if you do, you might still have a chance."

Kenny was right, and I hated to admit that he was. Sometimes I forgot he was there all those years, he was so quiet most of the time. Or maybe I just didn't care enough to pay attention to him. Looking at him now I could still see that scrawny little kid in a battered orange parka, just taller and more tired looking. Maybe I should've payed attention to Kenny more, he was always there, watching us. I was surprised he didn't leave, if I were him I would've thought everyone was too crazy. Then again, maybe we're all were just a little crazy.

I couldn't help but pull Kenny into a hug, one because I needed to thank him and two because I needed a hug. "When did you become so observant?"

Kenny hugged me back, "Always, my friend." He laughed.

"Thanks dude." I dropped the hug and smiled at him.

"It was no problem." Kenny grinned and then the first bell rang. "I'm going to ditch first period."

I shrugged, "Have fun. I would ditch with you, but I've already missed enough school." Kenny and I parted ways.

Inside the school everyone looked surprised to see me back, and I was surprised everyone didn't know what had happened. I had half excepted expected to find the words 'Stan is an alcoholic' on a banner strewn across the main hallway. Instead everyone just seemed to avoid me.

Kenny was gone and I wasn't talking to Kyle, so I was alone. I could've hung out with Cartman, but I didn't want to resort to that just yet.

Class seemed to go by extra slowly. I didn't mind though because I was dreading the thought of lunch. I couldn't swallow my pride and go sit with Kyle and Kenny, and Cartman would only tease me.

When lunch finally did roll around, I found I wasn't hungry. I decided to fuck it and go sit out in my car and just work on my homework, I had plenty of it from missing a week of school. I debating waiting lunch out in the bathroom, but I decided that the car would be less shitty.

When I got out to my car, I just threw all my homework in the back seat. I was going to do it, I really was. Then I realized there was no way in hell I was doing any of it until the day before it was due; I was a master procrastinator after all.

Just as I had settled into my seat and prepared myself for a useless thirty minutes where I scrolled through Instagram, there was a tap on the passenger window.

I turned to look out the window and Bebe was standing there. I leaned over and opened the door. She hopped in the passenger seat and closed the door, "Jesus, it's cold as balls out there."

I just looked at her. She looked back at me and laughed, "Lighten up, I just came out here to cheer you up." She smiled softly, "Wendy told me about Sparky and then Cartman told me about how you and Kyle got in a fight."

"Oh." I turned away from her and looked back out the windshield. "I guess you must be pretty upset with me right, because I never confessed to Kyle and so you and Kenny can't get back together?" I asked bitterly, "They were never really dating."

Bebe sighed, "I figured that there was no chance of me and Kenny getting back together ever again. He would've came back to me if he wanted to."

"Yeah, just like there's no chance of me or Kyle ever being together." I stated flatly. I had given up all hope that Kyle and I would ever work out. "Besides your probably not even really upset about Kenny, you two are just basically just blonde bimbos."

Bebe rolled her eyes. "I'm not a bimbo."

I just nodded, because I didn't have anything left to say and I didn't feel like arguing the matter. I watched as it started to snow lightly. Bebe and I sat in silence for a moment. It was weird, because I never really considered Bebe my friend, she was more like the person that always just third wheeled with me and Wendy. I never really minded though, she was just kind of there. I felt bad for her because she actually wanted to get back together with Kenny.

Even if Kenny was sometimes nice and inspiring, he was still an asshole. But I guess everyone was an asshole. "Lunch is about to end, are you coming back in with me?" Bebe asked, turning to me.

I nodded and we walked back into the school together. Once we were inside Bebe left me and I was alone again. I didn't hate being alone, I hated feeling alone. I turned down the hall and went to go stand outside the foods classroom until the bell rang.

On the way I bumped into Butters, "Oh sorry dude." I said, putting my hands in my pockets.

Butters, who had a permanent smile glued on, cheerfully replied, "It's fine, don't worry." Then he continued on his way.

I stopped and turned back to him. "Butters wait, can I ask you something?"

Butters stopped and turned back to me. "Well sure."

"How can you be so happy all the time?" I asked.

"I'm happy because I don't have any reasons to be unhappy." He replied simply.

"Then everything in your life has to be going perfectly, right?" I questioned, maybe I was just unlucky. Maybe Butters had everything all figured out. Maybe everyone has everything all figured out. Everyone except me.

"Nope, I just choose to be happy." Butters chirped. Maybe Butters was too blind to what was happening in his life, or maybe I was just to pessimistic, but it seemed impossible to just choose to be happy. "By the way, I heard you and Kyle got in a fight. You can sit with me tomorrow at lunch if you want." He offered.

I wasn't going to pass that offer up. Any attempt to show that I wasn't as lonely as I felt seemed mandatory. "Thanks Butters." I wondered how everyone had heard about the fight but not about how I was in the hospital. Maybe they had heard about the fight but didn't want to say anything. It was easier to start a conversation by saying "Hey I heard you got in a fight" instead of saying "Hey I heard you almost died from alcohol poisoning last week".

The bell rang and the hallways started to fill up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Stan." Butters smiled and waved as he left. I waved back before walking into the foods classroom and sitting down. I wanted to keep my head down during class because Kyle would be sitting right across from me the whole period.

I took my seat and pulled out my notes, foods was mostly note taking after all. Luckily, for me, Kenny came in before Cartman or Kyle. This was surprising because Kenny was almost always late. "Dude I haven't seen you all day, where were you at lunch?"

I shrugged in response. I didn't want to admit to Kenny that I still hadn't apologized, it was stupid. Cartman came in a dropped his books on the table. "What are you fags up to?" He asked, saving me from any further questions about where I'd been today.

"Fuck off Cartman." Kenny shook his head.

"Jesus Christ Kenny, it's a joke not a dick, don't take it so hard." Cartman sat down and then continued talking. "I don't want to say I miss you guys, because I hate you guys, but we haven't hung out in a long time."

"So what you're saying is you want to hang out with us?" I asked him, I knew he'd probably not admit it but I wanted to hear him say it.

"No, I just want to make fun of you guys. I haven't made Jew jokes in a long ass time." Cartman pointed out. It _had_ been awhile since we had all hung out.

"Kyle and I aren't on speaking terms, if you haven't noticed." I informed him, trying to keep a sour tone out of my voice.

"Wow, why can't you fags just make up and hug it out already?" Cartman asked, scowling. I shrugged as I saw Kyle walk into the classroom. The talking ceased as the bell rang.

I didn't want to look at Kyle, but dammit he was so beautiful. Kyle seemed to be paying deep attention to the lesson, maybe it was just to avoid everything that was going on, or maybe he was truly interested. Kyle was perfect, his face was sprinkled with freckles, soft curls of hair peaked out from beneath his hat. I wanted to run my hands through that hair, and I wanted to kiss his freckled face. But I had fucked up. I sighed softly and wondered how I was going to fix this.

I didn't catch myself staring until Kenny elbowed me in the side and brought me back to reality. I looked down at the blank notebook and felt a blush creep across my face.

I was at the point where I had accepted that I had a crush on Kyle. I hated the word crush though, it wasn't just a crush. I was in love with Kyle. He was all that was ever on my mind. One day I'd find a way to talk to him and tell him how I felt, but until then I'd have to admire him for afar. I just hoped that one day I would be able to tell him.

The rest of the class was as boring as watching paint dry. I kept slipping in and out of day dreaming about Kyle.

When class was over I left without saying anything to anyone. The rest of the day I didn't talk to anyone. I was feeling hopeless again. It was like I was stuck in a rut of negative thinking, but on the other hand I was genuinely concerned that I had fucked up so bad that I had lost my best friend and that I couldn't figure out my mental shit enough to get him back.

People always say life is like a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs, but how far down can it go before it breaks? And how long do you to keep riding it after its broken?

At the end of the day I was standing at my locker, cramming all my homework into my bag, when Sheila Broflovski walked by. At first I was surprised to see her, but I figured she was just going off about something. I decided to try and avoid her at all costs. I slung my bag over my shoulder and shut my locker. Things were never that fucking simple though.

"Stan!" Called out Mrs. Broflovski, she didn't sound annoyed, just like she wanted to talk to me.

I turned around and forced a smiled. "Hello, uh, Mrs. Broflovski." I replied, "What brings you here?" I asked, partially because I was curious if it had something to do with Kyle and partially to not seem rude.

Mrs. Broflovski smiled and looked at me, she always gave off a weird vibe. It was like she was constantly judging you, and she probably was. So far she didn't hate me, but I was pretty sure she hated Kenny and Cartman (because who didn't hate Cartman?) and I was next on her list. Especially if she found out about my drinking. I was fucked. "Well, I found something in Kyle's room and I was worried. I think the school system could be to blame."

The gears started turning in my head. "What was it?" I asked. I wondered what juicy thing it could be. Drugs? Alcohol? Nah, Kyle didn't seem trashy enough to have either of those things.

Sheila let out a long sigh as if it pained her. "Porn." She said. Porn? She was getting this upset over porn? Then I remembered she was the one that didn't want to take Kyle to a real doctor that time he was on his fucking death bed, and it didn't seem so crazy that she was getting her panties in a wad about porn.

"Oh." I was uninterested at the point. It was nothing juicy, it was just porn.

"Maybe you know something about it." Mrs. Broflovski shuffled around in her bag and pulled out a rolled up magazine. "It's so horrible I can barely look at it."

She handed it to me, and I didn't need to take a second glance to know what it was. It was that gay porn magazine that Cartman had found in Kyle's room a month ago. Then the situation changed. "Oh." I said again, then handed the magazine back to her, she quickly shoved it in her bag. I didn't have anything to say, I didn't want to say anything.

"Do you know anything about this Stan?" She asked. I shook my head. I wasn't going to sell Kyle out, I wasn't that much of a dick.

Sheila sighed, "I'm just worried that Kyle might be, well you know." She sounded disappointed.

Cartman was right, Kyle's mom was a bitch.

Somehow I needed to get Kyle out of this situation. "It's not Kyle's magazine." I told her, even though moments before I had just told her I didn't know anything about it.

She looked at me, eyebrows raised. I couldn't have her thinking it belonged to me though. I glanced quickly around the hallway and saw Kenny and Kyle, laughing and walking in our direction. "It's Kenny's." I stated, laughing nervously. I hoped Kenny would forgive me, but Mrs. Broflovski already hated his sorry ass. She turned towards them and then narrowed her eyes at Kenny.

Kyle suddenly noticed his mom and I standing in the hallway. "Mom?! What are you-"

"Kenny I think you have some explaining to do." Mrs Broflovski pulled out the magazine and walked over to Kenny and Kyle. She thrust the magazine into Kenny's hands. I stood at a distance watching everything unfold.

Kenny's gazed stayed on the magazine, "Nice." He stated flatly. He then unzipped his backpack and dumped it in. Kyle was slightly stunned, but didn't say anything. I would be too if my mom had found gay porn I had been hiding.

Mrs. Broflovski began to go on a rant about how Kenny shouldn't bring "that kind of dirty material" into her house ever again. Kenny just looked bored by the whole conversation, his mind was probably elsewhere. Kyle on the other hand looked panicked. I prayed Kenny wouldn't say anything, but I think he didn't give a fuck.

When Mrs. Broflovski got to the part about how I had mentioned Kenny had left the magazine, I slunk down the hallway and out of their sight. Soon I was out of earshot and then I was standing outside. I walked to my car slowly, the snow had stopped falling and the sun was peaking through the gray sky.

I got in my car and drove home. I wonder if what I had done had just fucked Kyle over more or less. I didn't know, and I didn't care enough to find out.

When I got home I sat at my desk and did homework. I usually would've put it off, but I had nothing better to do. Eventually I had to stop doing homework because it had all started looking the same and I couldn't focus any longer. I hadn't even realized how late it had gotten, it was already seven.

I sighed and rested my head on my desk, closing my eyes. I had almost fallen asleep when I heard a knock on my window. There was only one person it could be.

I got up and stretched before walking over to the window and opening it. Kenny stood in the top of the ladder that was somehow still at my window. "Hey dude." I greeted, moving out of the way and letting him hop in.

"Dude, with the porn magazine? Seriously?" Kenny laughed as he jumped into my room.

I laughed as I shut the window. "I didn't want Kyle to be fucked." I shrugged, Kenny didn't seem too worried so I wasn't either. "What happened after I left?" I questioned, walking over and sitting on my bed.

"Well, Mrs. Broflovski said that I needed to change my ways." Kenny shook his head, "It was pretty fuckin' funny. Where did that magazine even come from anyways?"

I realized Kenny hadn't been around when Cartman had found the magazine, and I was guessing he didn't make then connection from when Ike was teasing Kyle about it. "It was Kyle's." I answered blankly.

"Woah really? Mrs. Broflovski had me believing that I had actually left the magazine there." Kenny laughed, "I didn't actually think it was Kyle's."

"Why not?" I questioned, laughing.

"Because Kyle is the sweet one." Kenny's tone changed, it wasn't quite serious but it almost was.

I rolled my eyes, "I only said it was yours to save Kyle from getting in trouble."

"Good plan, his mom would've lost her shit."

I nodded in agreement. "It would've sucked for Kyle." I stood from the bed, "I need to go take a shower." I said, before leaving. I think I heard Kenny mumble a response but I wasn't sure. Kenny had become such a normal re-occurrence at my house that I just tended to move on with what I was doing after saying hello.

I sighed as I got into the shower. The warm water poured down on me as my mind faded into a foggy dullness. The steamy water calmed me and, for a moment anyways, helped me get my mind off everything.

Soon though, I was back out of the shower and standing in my room with a towel wrapped around my waist. Kenny had fallen asleep in my bed. I dug around for pajama's before quickly pulling them on, although I wasn't worried Kenny would wake up anyways. He was one of the deepest sleepers I knew.

I walked downstairs to sleep on the couch, it was like my second bed at this point. I flopped down on it and pulled then blanket over me. I was tired as fuck despite it being so early, but I thought maybe I'd still absent mindedly watch tv.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my dad laughing. Which was weird. Then I forgot I was sleeping on the couch and happened to roll off of it. "Shit." I rubbed my head and opened my eyes to see my dad and Kenny. "What's so funny?" I asked them, they both continued laughing.

"Nothing Stanley, come eat breakfast with us." My dad answered, helping me up. I gave them weird a weird look as I walked to the kitchen.

My mom had made pancakes for breakfast. Kenny always kissed my moms ass, he complimented her about four times throughout the meal. I guess that he wanted my parents to like him, since the Broflovski's didn't and Cartman's mom never really gave a shit.

Throughout the whole meal my dad kept glancing at me and then laughing. What the fuck was happening? Kenny and my mom were too busy talking about the perfect pancake, or some shit, to take notice of my dad. "You better go get read for school, or you're going to be late." My dad laughed.

I stood up and left to go get ready. I only had a few minutes before I would really leave too late. I pulled on a sweatshirt and then went to comb my hair. The nice thing about my hair was that I could half ass it and then just shove it under my hat. When I glanced at the clock on the way to the bathroom I decided to do just that.

I quickly went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and then I saw it. I gasped, "Fuck!" Rick across my forehead, in black permanent marker, was a giant drawing of a dick. I stood there and contemplated on who did it. Kenny and my dad both seemed immature enough. I quickly brushed my teeth before debating what to do about it.

"Stan we're gonna be late!" Kenny called up the stairs, snickering afterwords. I groaned and then walked back downstairs.

"Are you shitting me?" I asked, pointing to the dick on my forehead. Kenny laughed and shrugged.

"It was your dad's idea." He insisted, I didn't doubt him. "Now come on we're gonna be late."

The whole car ride to the school Kenny kept laughing at me. "I swear to go I'll drop you off and make you walk the rest of the way." I threatened. I thought about how I could get the drawing off, or mostly off, before school started.

When we got to school I ditched Kenny and headed to the bathroom to see what I could do. I tried scrubbing it, but to no avail. I sighed and stared at myself in the mirror, wondering what to do.

The bathroom door opened and I turned to see Kyle standing there. He laughed, probably at the dick, then I started to leave. "Wait dude, thanks for getting my mom off my ass." He said suddenly, my hand rested on the door handle.

"It was no problem." I answered. I wondered if that was all he had to say, or if he wanted to say more. I felt bad, I wanted to apologize, I probably should've. I was being stupid, but I couldn't swallow my pride. Just then the door opened, unluckily for me, it opened inwards. It slammed into my face, making me fall backwards.

"Khal, I- shit, did I hit someone?" It was Cartman.

I held my hand up to my nose. "Fuck you, fatass!" I stood up and pulled my hand away, it was covered in blood. "Aw shit, you gave me a fucking bloody nose."

"I guess you shouldn't have gotten in my way, you damn hippie." Cartman grumbled, crossing his arms. I rolled my eyes and then the first bell rang. "Nice dick tattoo too by the way." Cartman laughed as he turned to leave, Kyle followed him out.

"Fucking shit." I groaned as I turned to grab some paper towels to try and stop the bloody nose. Seeing as there was blood pouring out of my nose, there was no way I was going to get to class on time. I sighed and did all I could to make the bleeding stop.

 **This chapter was really late whoops. Thank you to all the people that are still reading this story lmao. I love all your reviews. Special thanks to Dani who let me personally victimize her in this chapter. Okay gotta blast~**


	11. Chapter 11

I got my nose to stop bleeding quickly. I scrubbed at the drawing on my forehead before deciding I was doomed to spend the day with a- now faded- drawing of a dick on my forehead. I groaned and looked at myself in the mirror. I was already late to class, I debated just ditching first period, but I knew my mom would be mad at me.

I walked out of the bathroom and down the hall towards class. As I was walking down the hallway I heard laughing from inside one of the janitor closets. I stopped and looked around, no one else was in the hall so I was sure it was coming from the closet. I turned the handle and opened the door.

Inside the closet, among the brooms and cleaner, sat Wendy and Cartman. Before I could react, Cartman snickered, "Stan, you can't go back into the closet once you're out of it!"

I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't have any witty comebacks. Wendy laughed, "Is that a drawing of a dick on your face?" She asked.

I nodded, "Kenny and my dad drew it in there." I answered sighing.

Wendy smiled, "Let me help you cover it up."

"But close the door." Cartman added. I closed the door and stepped inside.

Wendy motioned for me to sit on a crate. "I think I'll be able to cover it up with some makeup." She said, grabbing her bag and digging through it. I wondered why she was helping me, I didn't have the slightest idea.

"Why were you ditching class?" Cartman asked.

"Because you gave me a fucking bloody nose!" I answered, my voice thick with annoyance.

Cartman laughed, "I didn't hit you with the door that hard." He insisted.

I rolled my eyes as Wendy pulled out her make up brushes. She started to apply the makeup to my forehead. I hoped, for my sake, that it worked. It wasn't exactly ideal to walk around school with a dick drawn on my forehead all day. "Do you guys often hang out in this closet?" I questioned.

Wendy shrugged, "Sometimes."

"Why are you helping me cover up this dick if I was such a, well, dick to you?" I asked Wendy.

Wendy smiled, "You don't need a reason to help people." She replied happily. I saw Cartman roll his eyes in the background. I wondered how they ended up together, but they both seemed happy so maybe things were working out better than I thought for them.

"At any rate, I'm sorry. I felt like I never told you that." I sighed softly. Maybe if I practiced apologizing to Wendy, it would be easier to apologize to Kyle when I had to.

"I forgive you." Wendy responded. She focused on applying the makeup to my forehead. I had a hard time believing she would forgive me just like that, but maybe she was being truthful. Maybe she still felt bad for hitting Sparky. I felt sadness wash over me at the thought of him.

"Why are you forgiving him?" Cartman sneered. I was on his side for once, I didn't understand why Wendy would want to forgive me.

Wendy shook her head. "Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a strong person to forgive. When you forgive you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean the person should still be welcome in your life. It just means you've made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go. And sometimes holding on to things hurts worse than just letting go."

Wendy was right, but when wasn't she? Cartman didn't say anything after that. Wendy stepped away and looked at me. "You can't even tell that there was a dick there!" She exclaimed happily. She held up a mirror for me to see. There was nothing there. "Concealer is basically magic."

I smiled and stood up. "Thanks Wendy."

"You're welcome Stan." Then she gave me a hug, and I hugged her back.

"Ugh." Cartman groaned from the corner he was sitting in. Wendy giggled and walked over to him, kissing him on the cheek. I smiled, I was actually happy for them. I was over Wendy, I was happy she had forgiven me. I was happy that her and Cartman were happy together.

Maybe Butters was right about choosing to be happy. I guess I could've chosen to be upset about Cartman and Wendy, but there was no reason to.

There was still Kyle to be upset about though. My mood changed and I was back to being negative again. I needed to apologize to Kyle, and it needed to be soon. I didn't want to cause any irreversible damage to our friendship, but I was worried I might be too late.

I left Cartman and Wendy in the janitors closet and then made it to the last ten minutes of class.

The day seemed to go by fast. I didn't pay attention in class, I just thought about Kyle. I also thought about what Wendy said about forgiveness. I hoped Kyle would forgive me like Wendy had. I still hadn't decided when to apologize to him. It needed to be soon, and it needed to be a good apology. I couldn't half-ass anything.

When it was time for lunch I went and sat with Butters. It was weird to sit with him. He sat with Tweek, Craig, Token, Jimmy, Clyde and a few other people. I knew them all, but had barely talked to any of them since elementary school. They didn't seem to mind me sitting there though, Butters had insisted that I stay.

I realized something while sitting there though. As I looked around the lunchroom I saw everyone in their little groups. Wendy, Bebe and all their friends, including Cartman, sat at one table. Everyone's groups had a lot of people, or so it seemed. Then I saw Kenny and Kyle sitting together at they able where I usually would've been sitting with them. The group looked so little and sad compared to all the rest of them.

All my life I had thought that we were kind of the cool group, but now I didn't think so. Our group was small and we hardly ever associated with anyone else. Cartman had even left out group. Maybe we were all social recluses. I looked around at the people I was sitting by, they had a bigger group than us, and they were all just the nerdy kids. But I guess birds of a feather flock together.

Lunch was pretty uneventful. Tweek and Craig talked softly to each other as Clyde rambled on about something or other. I tried to be nice and listen to their conversation but my mind was far away. It was three tables away exactly, right on Kyle. I couldn't get him off my mind and that wasn't good. I needed to talk to him, I just needed a perfect time. Unfortunately I didn't know when that perfect time would be, or if it would ever be.

After lunch I walked to foods class alone. I wondered if Kyle thought about me as much as I thought about him. Probably not. When I got to foods I sat down in my seat and pulled out my notes again. Cartman was the next to get here, Kyle and Kenny came at the same time. "Okay you guys, I have a great plan, so halloween's coming up in five days right?"

We nodded. Cartman grinned, "I'm going to throw a huge Halloween party and invite everyone." He stated.

Kenny smiled, "That'll be fun! I'll definitely go to that."

Cartman nodded, "What about you two?" He asked me and Kyle.

"Sure, it'll be fun." Kyle replied, smiling. He had such a cute smile.

"I might." I answered. I didn't really want to go to the party. Kyle and Kenny would probably hang out, then I would be forced to hang out awkwardly with Cartman or something. I was right about our group being so small. I hadn't realized it before but I didn't have many people that I would call good friends. Most people were just school friends.

"Come on Stan, you _have_ to go." Cartman coaxed.

"I'll think about it." I replied as the bell rang. The talking stopped and class started. I stared at Kyle for most of the period. He was wearing his green sweater vest that matched his hat and his eyes. Kyle was the only person I knew who could possibly pull off that look. He looked like something out of a dream. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't even know where to start.

"Want to come over and play video games with me and Kenny?" Cartman asked after school. I was standing next to my car, Kenny and Cartman stood next to each other, looking at me.

I hadn't hung out with them in a long time. "Sure." It would've been more fun if Kyle came with us, but I guess I couldn't do anything about it.

"You have to give us a ride though." Cartman said, I figured. We all piled into my car and I drove to cartman's house. Outside it was snowing, it was really starting to come down.

"I hate the snow." Cartman commented, "I can't wait until I can leave this shitty town."

"Me too." I agreed. I didn't hate the snow, but I didn't want to be in this town anymore.

When we got to Cartman's house we played video games and his mom basically waited on us hand and foot. Kenny won most of the games that we played, I lost every time though. I wasn't really trying, I didn't care enough to try.

After about two hours of Kenny beating Cartman at video games, and Cartman getting mad, they decided that we should do something else.

We sucked at deciding what to do though. We finally decided to watch movies and eat basically everything in Cartman's house.

I was sitting on the end of the couch, Kenny was laying with his feet on me, and Cartman sat on the floor. Kenny fell asleep at some point, he must've been exhausted. He almost always seemed tired. I was always tired too though. Tired and sad.

Mrs. Cartman walked into the room and looked at us and the glanced outside. "The snow is coming down pretty hard, you boys might be snowed in here."

"I didn't ask to be stuck with a damn hippie and a poor person all night." Cartman complained. I rolled my eyes.

"There's no way they could drive home in this storm." Mrs. Cartman explained, she pulled the blinds up to reveal a blizzard outside. "Besides, Kenny is already asleep. I would hate to wake him."

Cartman groaned, "Fine, whatever." Mrs. Cartman smiled and left the room, leaving us alone once again.

After a few moments Cartman looked at me. "When are you going to apologize to Kyle and get your fag on?"

I laughed and then shrugged in response. "I don't know, I don't even know where to begin with him."

"Well you just have to apologize, it's not that hard." Cartman pointed out.

"Dude, I've never heard you apologize to anyone in your whole life, and you've _killed_ someone." I thought for a moment. A lot of weird shit happened when we were kids. A lot of weird shut still happened, I think we had all gotten smarter though. The shit that happened now was different, not as surreal.

For a moment I felt sad. I missed being young and all the strange things that came with it. I missed when we all got along together better and I wasn't so confused and stubborn. I even missed the times that weren't as fun, because looking back a lot of things that has happened were funny. Now everything was depressing and gray, but maybe that's just what happened when you got older. If it was, I didn't want to get any older.

Cartman laughed, "It's okay Stan. Beside's it's Kyle it's not like you're a random whore apologizing to someone for giving them herpes." Cartman waved it off.

"I'll do it later." I sighed, "I'm stupid for letting it get this bad."

"Yeah, you kind of are." Cartman agreed.

Kenny stirred and then opened his eyes to look at me. "I knew you had a crush on Kyle, did I call it or did I call it?" Kenny smiled smugly.

"Woah Kenny, you didn't know?" Cartman asked, surprised.

"I had a theory, but now it's confirmed." Kenny laughed, I blushed lightly because he would relentlessly tease me from here on out.

"I thought you were asleep, you're one of the heaviest sleepers I know."

"Who said I was asleep? My eyes were just closed." Kenny laughed and then sat up. "I wish I was asleep though, I'm tired as fuck."

"Kenny you're always so tired, it's only nine thirty." Cartman pointed out.

"Yeah, but I want to go to sleep."

"Why?" Cartman asked.

"Because I like to sleep, my dreams are better than reality." Kenny explained, he ran his hands through his hair and then laid back down.

"I like to sleep because I pretend that I'm dead." I added. Sleeping had became my favorite pastime. It made time go faster and I could escape from my feeling for a few hours. I slept a lot more now that alcohol was out of the picture. Except I craved alcohol a lot of the time and would take it over sleep any day.

"You guys are weird." Cartman said simply, then he stood. "That couch is a futon, you guys are gonna half to sleep on it together."

Kenny groaned and rolled over, "Stan I'm probably going to kick you."

I stood, "Let's hope not." Kenny got up too and we pulled out the bed and got a pile of blankets. Cartman left to go to sleep, or whatever he was doing. He seemed to hate the idea of sleeping.

Kenny and I crawled under the covers. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. It was weird to see at different ceiling for once. I thought Kenny would be long asleep, but he wasn't. He turned on his side and looked at me. "So you and Kyle, huh?"

"Yup."

"God dammit dude, you gotta apologize to him."

"I will, soon." I replied, I closed my eyes.

"It won't be that hard to apologize to him, in sure he'll forgive you." Kenny insisted.

"Yeah, but I really fucked up." I took off my hat and ran a hand through my hair.

"So? Cartman has fucked up worse and Kyle still tolerates him. He can't hate you forever."

"I guess you're right." I wanted the subject to drop. I found that if you told people they were right them they would drop the subject.

Silence hang around us. I could tell Kenny wasn't asleep, he was thinking of something else to say. Apparently he thought of nothing. "I'm going to sleep, sweet dreams Stan."

"You too." I was alone now with only my thoughts to keep my company. I tried to go to sleep, but I tossed and turned all night. Lucky for Kenny, he was a heavy sleeper. Kenny never kicked me, but he did move a lot in his sleep. I was surprised he never woke up from all the movement, from both me and him. Every time I was about to fall asleep, Kenny rolled over and I would wake up again.

My mind kept drifting back to Kyle and how I needed to patch things up with him. I was more upset about this than I thought, and I had all the power to fix it. I doubted Kyle would come to me and say anything, he seemed to be doing fine anyways. I grabbed my phone, it was almost three in the morning. I set my phone back down.

I was going to apologize to Kyle. It needed to be soon, and I needed time to come up with what to say. I didn't want it to be rushed because I needed to explain why I was so stupid.

The Halloween party.

It was in four days. That would be perfect. Kenny would probably force Kyle to go anyways, so I wasn't worried about him not being there. Now I just needed to find the perfect words to say.

The next day I was tired the second I woke up. Sleeping on Cartman's futon next to Kenny was not my first choice. I hoped that it would be a snow day, but it wasn't. We hardly ever got snow day's because there was always so much fucking snow.

The day was kind of a blur. I fell asleep in math class and woke up to and angry teacher and a laughing class. I didn't really care though.

At lunch I sat next to Butters and his friends and listened to Tweek and Clyde get into an argument over which coffee tasted better. I didn't know much about coffee, but when they asked my opinion I sided with Tweek. I figured he probably knew best, he was drinking coffee almost every second for fucks sake.

After lunch I walked into foods. It turned out we had cook. We were just making pancakes though, so I didn't think anything would go too badly, but of course I was wrong.

Our group was a trainwreck before we had even started cooking. Kyle and I weren't talking to each other and Cartman was talking to Wendy.

Kenny frowned at us, "You two need to help."

"I'll help, what do you want me to do?" I asked him.

"Can you work the stove?" He asked, "I don't want to go anywhere near it."

"Why not? Are you afraid of stoves or some shit?" Cartman asked, laughing.

"No, it'd just that something bad will happen and it'll probably end in death. I don't know about you, but it's a no from me!" Kenny laughed almost painfully, then he handed me a pan. "You'll do great."

I sighed and walked over to the stove. Kyle and Kenny mixed up the batter and then Kyle walked over with it.

Now the thing was, Kyle and I both sucked at cooking. We sucked even worse when we weren't talking to each other and we were trying to cook at the same time. At first things seemed be be going alright, I flipped the pancakes when they needed to be flipped and Kyle poured more batter, the pancakes even sort of looked good.

We were getting down to the last of the batter when Cartman called our attention over to him. "You guys all have to come to Halloween party." He said.

"I forgot how close Halloween was. I need a costume." Kenny thought for a moment, "It has to have something to do with booty."

"Doesn't everything you do already half to do with booty?" Asked Kyle, it was the first I heard him talk all day.

"Of course it is, that's why I'm coming after you Kyle, because that ass is fine." Kenny grinned his signature McCormick grin as Kyle rolled his eyes.

"God! You fags are almost too much to handle." Cartman complained.

"Shut up fatass." Kyle retorted.

"Anyways, the important thing is you guys are all coming to my party." Cartman changed the subject. He had a one track mind.

"Of course." Kyle waved it off with his hand.

Cartman talked about the party for a few more minutes. He sounded like he had this thing all planned out. After a few minutes of this Kenny's eyes widens as he looked at me. "Oh fuck." He mumbled.

"What?" I asked, I turned around to see that the pancake that had been cooking had burst into flames. "Shit."

The teacher ran over and quickly motioned us to leave the classroom. In fact the whole school had to evacuate. "Stan I thought I could trust you on the oven." Kenny said, once we were outside. "You gotta be more flipping careful than that."

Kyle laughed, "Was that a pancake pun?"

Kenny smiled, "Of course."

After everything was sorted out Cartman, Kenny, Kyle and had to go to the principals office. We got a lecture about how we should never have had tried to pull a stunt like that and how we had put everyone in danger. Kenny had tried explaining that it was an accident, but the principal was having none of that shit.

In the end we all got suspended until next week. It was really only a two day suspension, but suspension never the less. It was my fault too.

"I'm kinda sad the school didn't burn down, it would've been a lot more fun." Cartman stated after we'd left the principal's office.

"I think so too." Kenny agreed.

"My parents are going to kill me." Kyle groaned. I almost agreed with him but then I remembered we weren't talking. I felt bad, after all I was supposed to be watching the pancakes.

I went home and fell asleep on the couch until my mom woke me up.

I told my parents that I had been suspended at dinner. "What the hell were you suspended for?" My dad asked.

"We almost burnt down the school." I explained, avoiding the fact that I _specifically_ had almost burnt down the school.

"Stanley what's been up with you lately? We've been meaning to talk to you." My mom said.

"I'm just stressed out about school." I lied. It wasn't even just school anymore, I was stressed out about life. "But hey, now I have the next two days off to work on my mountains of homework." I added bitterly.

My mom and dad exchanged glances as I ate. I missed Sparky running around during and begging for scraps. I thought about getting another dog, but you couldn't just replace a dog that easily. Sparky was a part of my family, and now he was just gone. It didn't seem fair, I would've gladly took his place.

After I was done eating I did the dishes before going to go my room. I figured that I had better start thinking about what I was going to say when I apologized to Kyle. Now I had to add the fact that I was sorry he got suspended to the mix. He would probably still be pretty upset about that.

I ran my hand through my hair as I sat on my bed. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to fix this, but I needed to. I needed to because I couldn't sit with Butters and his friends for the rest of the year, and I couldn't watch Kyle from across the classroom and not talk to him anymore. I prayed Kyle would forgive me, because if he didn't I would be lost again.

I left like I was stuck on a road that lead down a dark forest. I had no idea what was coming, or what was lurking in the dark, but I had a feeling it was bad. I didn't know where the road would end either, I didn't know where it was leading. Maybe I wasn't even walking down the metaphorical road anymore, maybe I had stopped at the deepest darkest part and everything was attacking me now.

Maybe there was nothing that I could do to fix this. Maybe I would be sad forever. Or maybe in the future I'd talk my kids about my best friend that I had fucked up so badly with that I had lost him forever. I didn't want to give up hope yet, but I felt pretty hopeless. I just wanted everything to be okay again. I wanted Kyle and me to get along again, and I wanted to be able to tell him everything. I wanted to tell Kyle how I really felt about him.

There was a knock on my bedroom door. It brought me back to my senses. "Come in." I called out.

My dad walked in and then closed the door again. "You mom thought it would be a good idea for us to have a talk. Have you been drinking?"

"No dad." I answered truthfully. I didn't even know where my parents had hidden all their alcohol, and I never had enough time to snoop around and find it.

"Good, because I don't want you to be drinking my alcohol anymore. That shit is expensive."

I should've known. It made me sad to think that I was like my dad. When I was little I wanted to be just like him when I got older. That was when I was too young to know he was a weird ass alcoholic. I guess I had gotten my childhood wish in a way, I was just like my dad. We were both alcoholics, like father like son.

"It's because the expensive stuff is the good stuff." I pointed out.

My dad thought this over. "Good point, but stay away from my alcohol."

"Will do dad. Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I asked him.

"No one more thing. What's been wrong the past few days?" He asked. That was a question with a lot of answers. I needed to pick something safe, something that I wouldn't get in trouble for.

"Kyle and I got in a fight." I told him.

"Is that why you've been acting so strange lately? That and the fact that your dog is deader than a doornail." My dad laughed, I just looked at him and sighed. "Okay sorry, that was too much."

I waited for him to stop laughing before I said anything. "I have to apologize to Kyle, but I don't think he'll forgive me."

My dad shook his head. "Stan everyone knows you and Kyle are gay for each other. Just apologize and kiss it out."

For a second I thought my dad actually knew that I had a crush on Kyle. Then I realized it was just my dad being well, my dad. I wondered if my dad worried about me being gay. H used to when I was younger and spend a lot of time with Kyle, but I don't think he did anymore. Or he just cared less.

"I'll apologize to him later." I told my dad, I just wanted him to leave.

My dad nodded, "Anything else you want to talk about? Because I'm missing America's Got Talent for this."

I was happy that my dad thought I was more important that America's Got Talent, but then I remembered my mom made him talk to me. "Go watch your show." I said, and just like that he was gone.

I put on pajama's before crawling into bed. I was still tired from the night before. At least without school I could sleep in. I planned to work on homework until Sunday when Cartman's party was. I thought it was weird he was doing it on Sunday but he was adamant about doing it on Halloween.

I nestled into my bed. It felt so comfy, probably because I was so mentally and physically tired. I pulled the covers up around me and closed my eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.

I've been stuck on this story for so long but I finally got the inspiration I needed to finish it off. Since its summer, I can update more regularly without the stress off school- woohoo! Thanks for reading guys~


	12. Chapter 12

I worked on my homework everyday I was suspended. I finished it on Saturday night. I wished I'd never miss that much school again. I would be lucky if all the work I did even brought my grade up to a C, but I would be happy with that because at least I would be passing.

With all the working I hadn't even had time to think about what I was going to say to Kyle. I guess I still had until Sunday evening, but I doubted I would think of anything good. I was just going to wing it and hope for the best. Winging it had basically become my life.

I gathered up all my homework and put it in my backpack. I didn't want to think about it anymore.

Downstairs I heard a knock on the front door. I got up an went to answer it. It was Cartman, Bebe and Wendy. "Hey guys." I let them in and closed the door behind them. "What's up?"

"We just came by to hang out." Cartman explained.

"Everyone was talking about the fire you guys started." Bebe interjected.

"Yeah, the foods teacher was pissed as fuck." Wendy smiled.

"It was all Stan's fault." Cartman pointed out.

"You shouldn't have been talking about your stupid party. Maybe then I wouldn't have been distracted." I retorted, crossing my arms.

"Oh yeah, my party!" Cartman smiled, "Lots of people are coming."

"Yeah, I'm sure that almost everyone will be there." Wendy said, she smiled. "It'll be fun." I nodded in agreement.

Cartman walked over to me. "Stan I need to talk to you about something."

"Uh, okay." I looked at him, he looked at me.

"Could you guys go outside for a minute?" Cartman asked Wendy and Bebe.

"Yeah, I have to go out my finishing touches on my costume for tomorrow anyways." Wendy said. She hugged Cartman and then gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving with Bebe. I hadn't even thought about wearing a costume. It was probably too late now anyways, and I didn't give enough of a shit to find one either.

"Okay dude, I need your help." Cartman turned to me immediately after they left.

"With?"

"Bebe! She's been third wheeling so hard and it's annoying as fuck. You gotta help me get her get back together with Kenny so she'll leave me and Wendy alone."

I laughed. Been there, done that. Sure it was annoying, but I didn't think Kenny wanted to get back with Bebe, and I doubted we could change his mind. "No way dude, Kenny doesn't like her anymore."

"But he's _Kenny_ , don't you think he'd at least sleep with her to distract her for a little while?" He asked.

I shrugged, "Probably, but why are you asking me this instead of just asking Kenny?"

"Two reasons. One, because Kenny lives in the ghetto and I'm not going over there and two because I have a plan and want you to help me."

"Oh god. Is this plan going to end in me getting hurt?" I questioned.

"Not if it goes well." Cartman laughed, "It'll be fine."

"What is it?"

"So tomorrow at the party, we're going to lock Bebe and Kenny in the same room." Cartman began.

"Wait, this isn't a good plan." I interrupted.

"God dammit Stan, you didn't even let me finish the plan. I need you to get Kenny in there and I'll get Bebe in there and we're going to lock them in. They're already attracted to each other anyways, so it'll work out fine. Also, even if it doesn't, Bebe will be gone for awhile." Cartman rambled on. I listened, but I doubted any of this would work.

"Okay, fine." I agreed just to get him to shut up. "I'll try my best to get Kenny to go in there."

"You _need_ to get him in there." Cartman emphasized. "I never realized Bebe was so annoying until now."

I laughed and then smiled at him. "You'll get used to it."

"Oh my god." Cartman mumbled.

"I have to apologize to Kyle tomorrow." I told him.

"God, finally. You fags really need to get along better."

I rolled my eyes. "I guess you're right, but just this one time."

After that Cartman said he needed to leave. I guess it was to prep for his party or something.

I wondered if that plan would work. I doubted it. But I guess I'd just have to wait and see.

The next evening I was standing on Cartman's front porch with a few other people. Inside the party was already raging. Cartman came and answered the door, "I'm just gonna leave this damn door open from here on out." He propped the door open and then motioned for us to all come in.

I hadn't been to a part since New Years Eve. This party was similar, just with Halloween decorations. About half the people were dressed up, but the other half were all just in normal clothes. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.

I followed Cartman into his living room. He lead me to where Bebe and Wendy were standing and talking.

Bebe was dressed up as a cop, a sexy cop. She was wearing a low cut short black dress and knee high boots. The look was completed with the police hat, reflective sunglasses, and handcuffs that hung around a belt loop.

Wendy was dressed up as a prisoner. She had an orange jump suit that was unzipped far enough down to show off just a bit of cleavage. She was also wearing knee high boots. I could tell that Bebe had planned this, they both looked good though. I wondered if they were cold, there was about three inches of snow on the ground and they were both wearing shorts.

I was so distracted by Wendy and Bebe's costumes and the blaring music that I hadn't even realized that Cartman was talking to them. I tried to listen as best as I could, but I couldn't hear him.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see Kenny. He was dressed as a pirate, but it was a chick pirate costume. It had a corset, and shorts that were too short for anyone sensible to wear. The only reason I knew he was supposed to be a pirate was because of the hat and the sword. Cartman burst out laughing, "Oh my god Kenny!"

"I'm Kenny, and I'm here to get _all_ the booty." Kenny declared, snickering. We all laughed along with him. "I wanted my costume is a joke, just like my existence."

Cartman continued laughing. "Wait do you guys wanna see my costume?" He asked, we nodded. "I tried to dress up like you guys." He turned around. There was a hole cut in the back of his jeans and boxers. The part of skin that was showing had the word "fag" written in beautiful calligraphy.

"I drew it." Wendy stayed proudly. Cartman with half his ass hung out his jeans with the word fag written on it really summed him up, in my option.

Cartman laughed, "I forgot the final touch." He reached over and grabbed my hat off my head and then put it on. "Now I can be a real fag."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I didn't even think about getting a costume."

Cartman put his hat on my head. "You can be me."

Kenny grinned, "He'd need to gain about fifty more pounds to be you, fatass."

Cartman shook his head. "Shut up." After that I left to go find something to drink. I figured it would be easy, since everyone had cups.

I found a keg in the kitchen and got me a cup. It was warm beer, but warm beer was better than no beer. I guess I was pretty stupid because getting alcohol pinioning didn't teach me a lesson I should've learned by now. I decided I wouldn't drink too much, I still had to talk to Kyle.

I had no idea where he was though. I thought it would be easy to find him, but I guess I was wrong. I stood in the living room, sipping my beer and watching Cartman and Kenny have a karaoke contest. Everyone agreed that Kenny had won. After them more people went up to sing, it was a half drunk Clyde verses a hammered Red.

Now the party was blasting with music and poorly sung, drunken karaoke filled the small living room. I had somehow gotten lucky enough to find a place on the couch. Kenny walked over and looked at me. "Wanna share this with me? Thanks." He grabbed the cup of beer out of my hand and drank it.

"That was a dick move." I told him.

"Yeah but I'm kind of a dick so." Kenny shrugged and took another sip. "Have you talked to Kyle yet?"

"No, I haven't seen him."

"Dude I just saw him!" Kenny exclaimed. "Come on, let's go find him." I stood up and began to follow Kenny thorough Cartman's house.

Everyone was drunk and laughing. "Wanna see who's making out in the closet?" Kenny asked, stopping in front of the closed closet door. "I can almost guarantee someone's in there."

"Open it." I laughed. Kenny opened the door and inside there was Tweek and Craig. Craig flipped us off before closing the door again.

"Damn, I hoped it would've been someone besides those two. Everyone knows they're together anyways." Kenny said as he lead me to the back of Cartman's house. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh my god!"

"What? What is it?" I asked.

"Look at how hot that ass is!" He exclaimed, "I have to go over there any talk to them." He turned to me, "Watch Kenny McCormick work his magic."

I followed as Kenny walked over to the person. When we got closer I realized it was Butters.

Kenny grinned, "Hi I'm Kenny, and I'm pleased to fuck- I mean frick you. Pardon my language, it's just that, that ass is magnificent."

Butters blushed but then laughed. "I already know you Kenny."

After that I turned to leave. I still needed to find Kyle. I wandered around the house until I found him.

Kyle seemed to light up the room. He was smiling and laughing happily as he talked to Wendy in Cartman's living room. He seemed to stand out from everyone else in the sea of tipsy people. He wasn't in a costume. Ringlets of orange hair peaked out from under his hat. His eyes were the color of a glimmering emerald, they really were sparkling.

I felt a soft smile form on my lips as I watched him from afar. He looked so happy, so genuinely happy, in that moment. He was beautiful. And I had messed up our friendship. My smile turned into a frown. I was going to fix it.

I walked over and glanced between Kyle and Wendy. "Hey guys." I greeted.

"Hey Stan." Wendy chirped, smiling. I thought I heard Kyle mumble something, but I wasn't quite sure.

I smiled at Wendy before turning to Kyle. "Come with me, I have to tell you something." I told him. He looked unconvinced, but eventually I got him to follow me through Cartman's kitchen and out his back door.

Snow was falling lightly so there was no one out there with us. I turned to Kyle. "I'm sorry dude."

Kyle crossed his arms. "For?"

"Being a dick to you for the past few weeks." I answered, "I feel bad, and I miss you."

Kyle sighed, "I'm not even mad anymore. I was mad at the beginning though, but I'm over it."

"Things have just been really bad lately." I told him, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"I've noticed. Just tell me what's going on Stan." Kyle looked at me, and I looked at him. I didn't know what to say, but I had to say something. Even though Kyle said he wasn't mad anymore I knew he was still at least a little annoyed by this whole thing.

I looked at Kyle and sighed. "I really am sorry." I told him again.

Kyle sighed and dropped his arms. "I'm sorry too." He finally said, "We've both been acting like dicks."

I smiled, "Can we forget all this?" I asked him. He nodded and then we hugged. Kyle smelled good. We stood like that for a moment as the snow fell softly around us.

"Have you been drinking?" He asked suddenly, letting go of me.

"Just a little." I answered sheepishly.

Kyle groaned and then crossed his arms again. "You really need to stop drinking dude."

I shrugged, "Probably."

Kyle laughed. It was a weird laugh, it wavered through the snow. "Stan..." He started, then he trailed off. He didn't say anything else, but he looked far away. His beautiful eyes stared out into Cartman's backyard. "Remember that time my kidney's started failing when we were younger?" He asked.

"Of course I do dude." I replied, how could I forget about something like that?

"Well remember when everyone thought I was gonna die?"

"Well yeah, I was really worried. I remember crying about it to Kenny, and he was mad because he thought I wouldn't care as much if he died." Which was crazy. If Kenny died I would be upset about it, he just wasn't as close to me as Kyle was.

"Yeah, well we all thought you were going to die the other day." Kyle stated bluntly, "You really had us all worried dude. Even Cartman was concerned."

Had I really almost died? Everything around that time was blurry. I guess I could've been at death's door and not even realized it. Maybe that's why Kenny had taken my drink. He hardly ever drank, he said it reminded him too much of his parents being drunk all the time, so instead he smoked. Smoking was probably just as bad as drinking though. Maybe Kyle just worried about me because all of this shit happened so recently.

"Oh." I said in response. I didn't know what to do, I was torn. Of course I wanted Kyle to stop worrying but at the same time drinking was my only escape.

I didn't even know why I was sad anymore. Things between Kyle and I were starting to get better, Kenny and Kyle were just playing a prank, I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. I couldn't understand it, and I didn't want to think about it too much.

Kyle laughed dryly again. "That's all you have to say? Oh?"

"Look, dude, I'm sorry." My voice was softer now, and I was upset because I was stupid.

"I just want you to try to stop drinking." Kyle turned to me.

"I hadn't drank until tonight, it wasn't even that much." I defended, "Kenny took my drink anyways."

"That's good."

"Yeah, better Kenny drink than me." I said sarcastically.

I could basically hear Kyle roll his eyes. We stood in silence. The snow was starting to slow.

"Nice hat." Kyle commented.

I reached up and touched the hat. I realized it was Cartman's from earlier. I had almost forgot that we were at a party at his house.

Then I remembered I was supposed to lock Kenny and Bebe in a room as a last ditch effort for them to get back together.

"Shit." I mumbled, "I forgot I said I'd help Cartman with something." I explained to Kyle. "I have to go in and find him."

I turned to leave and Kyle followed me inside. I didn't understand why he wanted to lock Bebe and Kenny in a room. If he wanted to hook up with Wendy it made more sense to lock himself and her in a room. I guess he just wanted this to happen so Bebe would stop third wheeling.

It wasn't hard to find Cartman. In fact he was talking to Bebe and Wendy. He glanced at us and then smiled, "I'm glad you two fags are talking again." Kyle just laughed.

I pulled Cartman aside. "Let's lock Bebe and Kenny up now and get it out of the way." I told him.

He nodded, "Let's put them in my mom's room, I'll make sure no one's in there. You get Kenny and I'll get Bebe, then I'll lock the door in five minutes."

Cartman had really thought this through. Now all I had to do was search for Kenny.

I looked everywhere, he was nowhere to be found. It wasn't unusual for Kenny to disappear like this, I was just annoyed that it had happened right now. Cartman was going to give me tons of shit for this.

Kyle had been following me around the whole time I hunted for Kenny. In the end we gave up and headed to Cartman's mom's room to wait for him to come up with Bebe. "This was a stupid idea." I told Kyle as we stood in the bedroom.

"I can tell." Kyle laughed and then sat on the edge of the bed.

"I wonder how many times Cartman's Mom has had sex on this bed." I wondered out loud.

"I wish you hadn't reminded me that his mom was such a slut." Kyle laughed, be didn't move.

We heard Cartman and Bebe walking down the hall, they were laughing. When they were outside the door they stopped. "Go in my mom's room and see for yourself." Cartman said.

I wonder what he had told Bebe was in here. "Fine, I hope it's as good as you say it is." Bebe walked into the room and then the door closed behind her and we heard it click.

I groaned, "Fucking Cartman didn't even check so see if we were in here."

Bebe turned to us. "What was that fatass doing?" She questioned.

I explained to her about Kenny and how Cartman wanted them locked in a room together. I left out the part about third wheeling, because I didn't want to see like a complete ass.

"Dammit. Kenny and I are never going to get back together anyways. I figured Cartman knew this by now. I just wanted to have fun at this party." Bebe complained, plopping down next to Kyle. She rested her head in her hands and her blonde hair fell around her face.

"I'm sure that there's _some_ way you can get out of here." Kyle looked around the room. "You could go out the window." He suggested.

"Hey, that's a good idea. We are only on the first for anyways." Bebe walked over to the window and opened it. We watched as she tried to remove the screen but failed. Eventually she just punched a hole through it and tore it the rest of the way. "This is what Cartman gets for trying to lock me in here." She gestured to the torn screen.

Kyle and I laughed as she climbed out the window. "Are you guys coming?" She asked.

"We'll be out in a minute." I told her. Really I just wanted to hang out with Kyle alone. If that meant we had to hang out in Cartman's Mom's room then so be it.

Bebe shrugged. "Suit yourself." She smiled happily and left. I waked over and closed the window to stop any more chilly wind from blowing in.

Then I walked back over and sat down next to Kyle. "We're your parents pissed about you getting suspended?" I asked him.

Kyle laughed, "Of course. My mom almost killed me. Plus she's still mad that Kenny 'left' that porn magazine in our house. I wasn't supposed to be here, but I just snuck out." He explained to me.

I laughed, "Dude your parents are going to kill you."

"Yeah, if they find out." Kyle laughed too.

We sat in silence for a moment. It didn't seem awkward or heavy, it just seemed to flow. The music from the party could be heard though the door but it wasn't as loud as it was earlier.

"What have you been up too lately?" Kyle asked suddenly.

I didn't even know what I had been up to. I had just been feeling sad and watching Netflix all day, nothing had really changed. I had thought about Kyle a lot too. I couldn't tell him any of this, instead I just changed the subject.

"Dude can I tell you something?" I asked.

"Anything."

"So you know how I've had a crush on someone for awhile now?" I asked him. I looked down at my hands that were resting in my lap. I was really going to tell him this time, no chickening out.

"Yeah." Kyle gasped, "Are you finally going to tell me who it is?" He asked. "Wait let me guess who it is."

"Okay."

"You have to tell me if I get it right though." Kyle made me pinky promise to tell him, when and if, he guessed it. "You have to give me a hint."

"Dude no way!"

"What do you expect me to do? Just pull their name out of my ass?" Kyle asked, then he laughed.

I shook my head. "Fine... He's really nice." I told him.

"Nice? That's all you have for me?" Kyle laughed again.

I smiled, "He has a nice laugh. It kind of fills up a room."

"And?"

"He's beautiful. And not just on the outside, he has, like, a beautiful soul. I've known him for a long time. He's also forgiving and understanding. I don't know what I'd do without him. He always has good intentions, even if I'm too stupid to see that sometimes. He takes too much shit that he doesn't deserve, but he still seems hopeful and optimistic through it all. I really wish he would tell me how he stayed optimistic. He puts up with me, which is amazing. He's known me for so long and he hasn't left yet." I was looking down at my hands instead of at Kyle.

I was sure my face was red, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I was already in too deep now to back out. If Kyle didn't know I was talking about him, then he was stupid. It was pretty obvious though, especially since I wasn't looking at him and was blushing madly. "And..." I continued softly, "He has nice green eyes, red hair, and adorable freckles."

The tension and worry about confessing to Kyle had suddenly melted away into nothing. Why had I been so worried in the first place?

But then I remembered that I could've just ruined our whole friendship. The relief I was feeling was quickly replaced with panic. Why had I said all that? It could've been so much more simple and not as deep. Fuck. I hoped I wasn't fucked.

"Stan, look at me." I turned to look at Kyle. He wasn't upset of anything, he was actually smiling. "Dude, why the hell didn't you tell me this sooner? That was so cute."

I turned away and covered my face with my hands. "Oh god." I mumbled. "That was embarrassing as fuck."

Kyle laughed, "Nah, it was sweet. Anyways, I already knew you had a crush on me." Kyle admitted.

"How?" I asked.

"Dude, it was kind of obvious." Kyle pointed out. I guess that if Bebe had figured it out, then Kyle would've figured it out too. Wow, I was an idiot.

"If you knew then why did you and Kenny play that prank on me?" I asked, annoyed.

"I don't know. We didn't think that through." Kyle sighed softly, "Look dude, the only reason we did that was because it was like an experiment."

"What did you find out?" I asked him.

"Well we did it because well, I had- or rather still have- a crush on you. Kenny always said that we were destined to be a couple. He suggested that we get you jealous so you'd admit your feelings. It didn't really work." Kyle nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh my god, dude! Hell yeah it didn't work. You two are idiots."

"Yeah, but you still told me in the end, so it kinda worked out." Kyle argued. I just shook my head.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I mumbled, "Why didn't you just tell me instead of putting me through all this shit?"

I was happy Kyle wasn't mad, and I was ecstatic that he liked me too. Ecstatic was a weird word but I couldn't think of anything that described it better. I was still slightly annoyed at him though. He had made everything so complicated for awhile.

"I couldn't just tell you, you weren't out to anyone. I couldn't tell you, you would've thought it was weird." Kyle sounded genuinely upset about this. "I wanted to come out to you a long time ago, but I was worried you would think I was weird and stop being friends with me." He admitted.

"Dude, I would never stop being friends with you." I told him, smiling slightly.

"I know, but I couldn't just do it." Kyle laughed. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I honestly thought you and Kenny were dating, I didn't want to break you guys up like an asshole. Except I kind of had my doubts about it the whole time. Bebe told me I should tell you, but I couldn't bring myself to it. Because you know what I thought? I thought, wow Kenny actually settled down to date Kyle, they must really be in love. That was stupid of me- God dammit, there was so many signs that you two weren't actually dating." I groaned, I was an idiot. I still couldn't believe I had fallen for their prank.

"I'm sorry-"

"Kye, can we just forget about all of this? I'm tired of apologizing to each other and being in this fight. I don't even know know if it's a fight, but you know what I mean. I don't want to be upset with you anymore, I forgive you."

I was done fighting with Kyle. I didn't want to be mad at him anymore, so I decided I wouldn't be. I may have almost drank myself to death over this stuff that had been happening, but it was my fault. I guess it was a mix of me being upset all the time and not being able to deal with my emotions. I never told anyone I was feeling sad either. Maybe everything was just my fault. It seemed likely.

"I forgive you too Stan. Let's just move on past this." Kyle opened his arms for a hug, I hugged him back. "Anyways the point of that whole thing was to get you to admit that you liked me, and you did. Mission accomplished?"

I didn't respond but instead just tightened the hug. Kyle may have been stupid at times, I was too, but I still loved him. Eventually I pulled away from the hug and just looked at him.

He smiled and took my hands in his. "I'm glad you told me Stan."

"I'm glad you told me too."

We were looking into each other's eyes, Kyle's eyes were so bright, even in Mrs. Cartman's dimly lit bedroom. We both knew it was coming, even though I knew we were about to kiss I felt totally unprepared. The only other person I had kissed was Wendy. You would think that after all the time I spent with Kyle- watching him talk, laugh and smile- I would know everything there was to know about his lips. But I hadn't ever imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against my own.

The kiss obliterated every thought I had. As cheesy as it sounds, it was just like in the movies. Time seemed to stand still and nothing else mattered. I had no wish for the kiss to end anytime soon.

But of course it was short lived.

The sound of a door opening made us stop and turn our heads. It wasn't the door out to the hallway, it was the closet door. "Oh my god, that was the cutest thing I've ever heard!" Kenny gushed. He was standing in the closet doorway with Butters.

"Holy shit. What the hell Kenny?" I asked, my face turning red.

"Butters and I were making out in here, did you guys know there's a sex dungeon in the back of this closet? Cartman's mom is wild. Anyways, we heard you guys come in and originally we were gonna leave when Bebe left, but that's right when things started getting good. So we stayed." Kenny explained.

"You mean you heard all that?" I asked nervously. I was already embarrassed enough just saying all that to Kyle, but now Kenny and Butters had heard too. Shit.

"Yup, all of it." Butters chirped.

"I knew you two would get together, it's just the way that it works." Kenny grinned.

Kyle rolled his eyes. His eyes then settled on a clock hanging on the wall. "Holy shit, is it really that late?"

"It's only eleven, the night is still young." Kenny said, looking at the clock too.

"Yeah, but I snuck out." Kyle pointed out. "I have to get back home, I told my parents I was doing homework. I hope they haven't looked in my room yet." Kyle stood and walked over to the window, opening it. All four of us climbed out of it and into Cartman's backyard. It was colder now.

Kenny and Butters went back inside and Kyle and I stood on Cartman's back porch. We hugged again. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, if my parents haven't killed me." Kyle smiled at me.

"Yeah, talk to you then." I told him. I watch him leave, walking around Cartman's house.

I smiled to myself as he left. I couldn't believe that that all just happened. I put my hands in my pockets and stood in Cartman's backyard smiling like an idiot. Damn, I was a lucky bastard.

 **I wanted to update this fast and for once I actually did! I've been writing this story almost nonstop the past few days. It feels so good not to be stuck on it tbh. thanks for all your wonderful support! The next chapter will be up soon~**


	13. Chapter 13

I stood outside for a few more minutes taking it all in. The party was still blasting behind me, but no one was outside. Eventually it got too cold and I turned around and went back inside.

Inside not much had changed since I was in there last. I saw Cartman standing with Wendy, laughing. Bebe wasn't around them so I guess Cartman got her to stop bothering them somehow. He was still wearing my hat, it was weird to see it on him. It was weird to be wearing Cartman's hat too. It was a miracle that his hat wasn't stretched out from his fat head and could actually fit me.

I didn't have anything else to do so I walked to the kitchen looking for something to drink. I knew I probably shouldn't be drinking, but I wasn't planning on drinking much.

Kenny walked up next to me as I looked around the kitchen. "Dude do you wanna have a drinking contest?" He asked.

What the fuck kind of question was that? Of course I wanted to have a drinking contest. It had been awhile since the last time I had had one.

Kenny lead me into the living room. "I found someone else that'll participate in this drinking contest with me." He announced, people cleared an areas around Cartman's coffee table in his living room so we could sit on the floor.

It was just me and Kenny that were in the contest. By the looks, and sounds, of it we were the only two left that were still mostly sober. Cartman was sober though, he never got drunk, which was oddly surprising.

Cartman was pouring our shots. "Dude you know I'm going to win this." I said to Kenny, then I laughed.

Kenny just shook his head. Cartman poured us each a shot of this cheap tequila stuff.

The first three shots were easy. Around the fourth my head was staring to get fuzzy, but there was no fucking way I was losing to Kenny. The fourth shot burned as it went down.

Kenny turned to me. "You... you think you can go on?" He asked, laughing. His laugh and words were slurred, but I'm sure I was just as bad.

"Hell yeah! Pour another one." I slurred to Cartman. Cartman poured us another one.

The fifth shot was worse than the fourth. Kenny groaned and rested his head on the coffee table. "You know what? I'm... I'm fucking done man. Shit."

"Now you just have to do one more shot to win." Cartman said to me, pouring one final shot. I downed it quick, I just wanted to win. Everyone cheered, I smiled proudly.

I stood up, way too quickly, and felt my stomach lurch. Next thing I knew I had thrown up all over Cartman who had been sitting across from me. "Shit!" My eyes widened, "I'm so sorry dude."

Kenny was howling with laughter at this predicament. I was embarrassed, but I was too drunk to care that basically everyone from school had just watched me vomit on Cartman.

"Jesus fucking Christ dude, eww." Cartman whined. Kenny's laughter was infectious, I started laughing too.

Soon the room was erupting with laughter. Everything seemed so perfect, except the fact that I was drunk. I thought for a moment that everything would be okay. Damn my drunken mind.

The next morning I woke up in an unfamiliar place with a pounding hangover headache. The unknown place happened to be Cartman's mom's bed. I turned over and groaned as I looked at the ceiling.

I didn't remember much of what happened after I threw up on Cartman. I just remember being too drunk to function, I was lucky I didn't end up in the hospital.

Now that it was morning, and I wish I hadn't drank anything.

I rolled out of bed and walked down the hall looking for Advil. I tripped over Kenny, who was sleeping on the floor. When I say tripped, I really mean tripped. I fell flat on my face and just lied there for a moment, trying to process what happened.

Kenny woke up, "Shit man, I don't remember falling asleep here." His voice was heavy with sleep.

"Next time you fall asleep could you try to do it not in a walkway?" I asked sitting up. Kenny laughed.

"Well if you're leaving I'm taking the bed."

I stood up and nodded, "Whatever dude." I heard Kenny get up as I left to go find painkillers.

The front room was littered with red cups and the couch had an unidentifiable stain on it. The kitchen was just as bad. Luckily I was able to find some Advil.

I stood in the kitchen and pulled out my phone to check it. I doubted I had any messages, everyone was at the party last night. I did have one message from Kyle, it just said he wanted to talk to me. I smiled as I stared down at my lock screen at the text, remembering the night before. Then I noticed the date.

Monday, November first.

 _Monday._

Shit. Fucking Cartman had to have his stupid Halloween party actually on Halloween- and it fell on a Sunday. I stood there for awhile, debating whether I should even try to haul my ass to school. In the end I decided I had better go, I had only missed the first two periods.

I left without waking anyone, although I wasn't sure who was still around. I ran out to my car and quickly drove to my house to change clothes and grab my homework which I had worked on so hard. Luckily my parents weren't home.

Cartman still had my hat. I dug around looking for another one, but the only one I could find was my black one. I had to wear it though because my hair looked like shit.

By the time I got to school third period was just ending. Everyone looked like shit, tired and hungover. Maybe Cartman wanted everyone to suffer more than they already did on a Monday with a hangover none of us deserved.

The rest of the school day was pretty shitty.

After school I was walking to my car when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Kyle. "Hey dude- holy fuck you look like shit."

"Thanks."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "What happened to you last night?"

"Kenny and I... We..." I trailed off. I felt guilty about drinking, especially because Kyle was so worried about me.

"What did you guys do?" Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Had a drinking contest." I finished defeatedly.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Oh Jesus Christ."

"It was no big deal." I dismissed, "What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out."

"Sure, but can we go to your house? My mom's having her book club over tonight."

"Yeah sure, whatever. As long as you don't mind putting up with my family." Kyle laughed, I laughed along.

* * *

Later I was sitting on Kyle's bed doing my homework. Kyle was sitting at his desk working on his. Everything seemed to have had gone back to normal, but I wanted to talk about the kiss. I just wasn't sure how to bring it up.

I wasn't actually doing my homework. I was just staring at a page of math problems and trying to remember how the fuck you wrote the quadratic formula. I could've probably asked Kyle for help, since he was way better at math than me, but he seemed focused.

"Did you get caught sneaking out last night?" I asked after awhile.

"Did you stop drinking?" Kyle retorted.

"Look the only reason I got in a drinking contest was because Kenny pressured me." I told him, though he didn't really. I just wanted to do it.

Kyle turned around to look at me. "Whatever dude."

Then we just kind of looked at each other. I was replaying all that had happened the night before, the confession the kiss, everything.

Eventually Kyle smiled slightly, it was more like a half smile. "I love you, Stan."

"I love you too, dude." I replied. I shoved my math homework into my backpack and decided I would work on it later.

I couldn't help but stare at Kyle. He was so fucking adorable. He was chewing on the end of his pen in concentration. I smiled, knowing he liked me back only made me more happy. Being with Kyle made me genuinely happy. "Hey Kye."

"Hmm?" Kyle turned his chair to face me.

I smiled at him. "I'm glad we're not fighting anymore."

Kyle smiled back and came over and sat by me on his bed. "Me too. I got really worried about you."

I laughed and looked away from him. "Yeah... I kind of... Yeah." I ran a hand through my hair because I didn't want to talk to Kyle about being depressed.

Kyle sighed and put an arm around me. "I'm sorry, Stan."

"It's not your fault Kyle. I mean you and Kenny being dicks didn't help, but it's not all your fault." I laughed. I was joking but I was still kind of annoyed.

Kyle laughed too. "I know, I know. We're actually terrible."

I smiled and looked at him. "Yesterday we said that we could just forget it all. Let's do that for real. Wendy told me something great about forgiveness the other day."

"What was it?" He asked.

"Something about how forgiveness makes you stronger." I shrugged, "Anyways, I could never stay mad at you."

"I could never stay mad at you either." Kyle agreed, then he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I couldn't lose my best friend."

I turned to him and smiled. "You'll always be my best friend, Kyle."

He was looking at my lips as I talked and soon our lips were pressed together in a kiss. Kissing Kyle was almost unexplainable because it felt so good. I finally had the chance to reach up and take off his hat, tangling my fingers in his hair. It was even softer than I imagined it would be.

Kyle ran his hands down my back. He had short little nails and long sender fingers. My mind filled with ideas of all the things Kyle could do with his fingers.

He pulled away suddenly and I felt mildly disappointed his lips had left mine so soon. "Stan." He said softly, his lips still close to mine.

I kissed him again, "What?" I asked softly.

"I just can't believe this is actually happening." Kyle said softly. Soon we were back to making out. Kyle was good at kissing for someone who had never dated anyone for longer then a week. It was almost the same as kissing a girl, except that Kyle had a firmer jaw then a girl and he was slightly more forceful. I mostly just kept my fingers tangled in his hair because I had been dreaming about it for so long.

He pulled away and started kissing my jawline and then eventually he made his way down to my neck. I felt him start giving me a hickey and I didn't stop him, even though I knew there'd be a dark mark there tomorrow. Luckily he had the curtsey to do it just below my collar so I could hide it easily.

Kyle kind of had wandering hands, and I didn't even know what to do with mine. It was weird because I had made out with Wendy tons of times but this was different and I didn't know where to put my hands.

Eventually Kyle's hands made it down below my waist. I admittedly had a giant hard on (this had been my fantasy for the past two months). Kyle pulled away, "Let me make it up to you for the past two months." He said.

He slid off the bed and was between my legs in an instant, undoing the button on my pants. He looked up at me with his perfect emerald eyes. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

I blushed and looked away, some part of me still couldn't believe this was happening. "It's okay with me."

Kyle laughed and soon he had my dick in one hand. He got really close and breathed hot air on the tip before kissing the end. "I'm about to give you the best blowjob of your life."

He kissed the top again only this time he swirled his tongue around as he did so. He left one hand towards the base, striking softly as he licked me from base to tip. His eyes fluttered shut as he continued the motion. Occasionally he'd stop at the top to swirl his tongue around and do nothing by tease me.

I reached out and tangled my hands in his hair. He wrapped his lips around me and slowly pulled me all the way down into his mouth. I was surprised at how far he could go.

He moved his mouth slowly for awhile. Every time he came up his tongue swirled around the tip slowly. I wondered momentarily where he had learned to do this so well. He stopped sticking for a moment and tightened his hand around the base of my dick.

He began to pump his hand up and down in long slow strokes. His hand paused at the top, he took his thumb and smeared my precome around the tip. I let out a moan, allowing my eyes to close as he did so. "Oh god Stan, that sound is so hot."

I was about to reply but instead I sucked in a breath as I felt the warm wetness of his mouth engulf me again. This time around he sucked more heavily, his tongue gently caressed my sensitive skin. I felt my hips start to rise on the own accord but Kyle pushed them back down. He pulled away and chuckled. "I don't want you to come just yet." He said. I didn't want to come either, in fact, I didn't want this moment to ever end.

Kyle was swirling on if his perfect short nails around the tip of my sickly slowly, waiting for me to calm down. Eventually he dragged his nail lightly down the underside of my dick with excruciating slowness.

"Fuck." I gasped softly. My toes curled in pleasure as my eyes shut again.

Kyle chuckled as he did it again, making me moan. "Just sit back and enjoy this, Stan." He said.

He wrapped his mouth around me again and I groaned softly as he began to move his mouth like he was doing before. He moved deeper and deeper each time. My hands were still tangled in his hair, only now they were tighter. I hoped I wasn't hurting him, but I think he would've said something.

The pressure was building inside me as Kyle quickened his pace. My breathing got heavier as he continued. I gasped as I came into Kyle's mouth. Pleasure ripped through my body and everything else slipped away as I felt like I was floating.

Kyle sat back as my breathing returned to normal. "That was... I mean..." I couldn't form the words I was looking for.

We heard the garage door opening downstairs. Kyle quickly jumped up, "Put your pants back on." He told me.

I didn't have to be told twice. I stuck my dick back in my pants and zipped them up. Kyle walked back over to his desk and opened his book again. I pretended to be digging though my bad instead of wondering how Kyle has just given me the most mind blowing orgasm of my life.

Kyle's mom opened the door and looked at me on Kyle's bed and then looked at Kyle. She sighed, "Kyle you're not supped to have anyone over. You're grounded remember?"

"Aw ma, we were just working on homework." Kyle lied.

Sheila shook her head, "Sorry Stan, but you're going to have to go home." She said, then she closed the door and left.

I turned to Kyle. "Wow I can't believe she didn't kill me."

Kyle laughed and stood up, "She likes you." He told me.

I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Where did you get so good at giving head?" I questioned. I was in awe and shock to tell the truth.

Kyle laughed sheepishly. "Kenny and I watched a shit ton of porn to find the perfect blowjob method. He told me he would've shown me himself but he didn't want to 'soil' my 'perfectly good virgin dick when it was clearly a job for Stan'." Kyle laughed and put his hat back on his head.

I smiled and kissed him softly. "Well I owe you one." I told him. We hugged for a moment before Mrs. Broflovski yelled up the stairs.

"You better go or she might actually kill you." Kyle laughed softly. He kissed me again.

I smiled and looked up at him. "I love you, Kye."

"I love you too, Stan."

* * *

The next morning when I woke up I was actually happy to be awake. When I made coffee I didn't even think about spiking it. I just felt happy and glad because of Kyle. As I was standing in my kitchen drinking my coffee I realized that this happiness would just be short lived because it would only be a matter of time before something happened that made me upset again. I put my mug in the sink and sighed.

It was hard to be happy when nothing good hardly ever lasted. But I decided that today I was going to try to be more happy and see how it when from there.

When I got to school I stepped out of my car and Kenny had just appeared as if out of thin air. "Hey dude." I greeted.

"Hey." Kenny put his hands in his pockets. "Did you just get here?" He asked me.

I laughed, "Well I just got out of my car, didn't I?"

"Good point." Kenny grinned, "Do you want to ditch school with me?"

"No, I've already missed a shit-ton." I said, I started walking towards the school.

Kenny reached out and grabbed my arm. "Are you sure you don't want to ditch? It would be so fun, Stan."

"Dude no," I laughed," You're going to make me late."

Kenny sighed deeply and let go of my arm. "Okay then let's go to school."

I glanced at him and then at the school. "What's up with you?"

Kenny shrugged, "You'll see when you go inside."

"Um okay..." I looked at him and then looked back at the school.

Kenny then lead me into the school. Butters was standing right inside the doors. Kenny turned to him, "I tried to get home to ditch with me, but it didn't work."

"Ah hamburgers." Butters muttered and then he looked at me. "I'm so gosh-darn sorry Stan."

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked him.

Just then Bebe walked up. "Oh my god Stan! You finally did it."

"What?"

"You and Kyle are officially a thing." She gushed, "Butters told us all about you two confessing to each other at the party on Sunday." She explained.

I glanced at Butters, who was hiding sheepishly behind Kenny. I groaned and turned back to Bebe, "How many people know about this?"

"Literally everyone." Bebe answered happily. "It's so cute. I told you that you had a chance, didn't I?"

"Yeah, haha, you really did." I took a moment to look around the hall and everyone's eyes were turned towards us.

Kyle walked in the front door of the school and smiled at us. "Hey guys." He greeted.

Bebe glanced between us and smiled. "I told Wendy I'd meet her before school. See you guys later." Then she looked at me and winked before turning with a flip of her frizzy blonde hair and walking away.

Everyone was still looking at us. Kyle looked at me, like he needed an answer, but I couldn't tell him with everyone staring. Kenny was standing with a sly grin on his face. God, I wanted to reach over and snack him. "I'm going to go to class, early for once!" Kenny grabbed Butters hand, "Come on let's go." Then he lead Butters down the hall.

Kyle then turned to me, "Do you want to go to class?" He asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could I was tapped on the shoulder by Heidi Turner. "Can I take a picture of you guys for the yearbook?" She asked, smiling and holding up the camera that hung around her neck.

"Why?" Kyle asked.

"We're doing an LGBT page and I just have to get a picture of you two." She beamed. "There's so few people out of the closet at this school. It was so brave of you guys to come out though, that takes guts." She gushed. "So, can I take a picture?" She held up her camera again.

Kyle and I exchanged a glance. "You can't take a picture of us today, I look like shit." I told her, mostly trying to make her leave. "But you know who you should go take a picture of? Kenny and Butters, they just walked down that hall." I pointed off to the left.

Heidi smiled happily. "Thanks- but I need a picture of you guys soon, okay?"

"Yeah, okay whatever." I said, then she happily skipped off down the hall.

"What? How did she know?" Kyle questioned, "Did you blab at the party?"

"Hell no dude! It wasn't me. Butters told everyone." I explained.

"But how did he kn- he was with Kenny in the closet! Oh shit." Kyle groaned.

"Maybe it won't be that bad." I offered, "Maybe we'll get money like Tweek and Craig when they were kids."

Kyle sighed, "if everyone knows, then Cartman definitely knows."

"Are you gonna fight him again?" I asked jokingly.

"Maybe." Kyle's answer was serious, "If he gets annoying enough."

The first bell rang and the halls started to clear out. "I don't want to be late, dude." Kyle said. He glanced around before leaning down and giving me a peck on the cheek.

I felt my face heat up as he left and then I glanced around the nearly empty halls. There was a group of giggling girls that I flipped off before leaving for class.

The rest of the day people kept coming up to me to ask me questions about Kyle. I would always just laugh and then tell them I had to hurry to class. When it was time for math I made a beeline to the classroom and was the first person there. I quickly pulled out my stuff and sat down hoping to avoid talking to anyone else about what a giant fucking faggot I was.

"Hey fag." I turned to see Cartman.

"What do you want, dude?" I asked, annoyed.

"Nothing. I just like to call you a fag." Cartman said snickering. "It's so funny."

"Shut up fatass." Luckily the bell rang soon after. I actually tried to pay attention in math to get my mind off everyone else.

At lunch Kenny wouldn't shut up about Butters, which was annoying as hell. "A few months ago you guys said I wouldn't even be able to get him in bed with me but I got him to ditch last period with me and give me head in the bathroom."

"Which bathroom was it because I never want to go in there ever again." Cartman quipped.

"Don't you think it's bad to lead Butters on like this? I mean, he is Butters." Kyle pointed out. We all glanced over at the table Butters sat at. He was smiling and laughing with Clyde.

Kenny laughed, "In a hundred years, who's going to remember this anyways?" He asked.

"Don't you even feel a little bit bad about it?" Kyle asked. Kenny shook his head in response and Kyle sighed.

"Why are you siding with Butters? He outed you to the whole school." Cartman asked through a mouthful of chips. "If I recall a few months ago you didn't want anyone to know."

"Yeah, but I guess it's different now." Kyle said softly.

"Oh my god, Kyle. So you wouldn't care if I told the whole school that," Cartman raised his voice to a yell, "KYLE BROFLOVSKI IS A HUGE FAG."

Kyle narrowed his eyes. "Shut up Cartman, you fat fuck."

Cartman narrowed his eyes right back at him. "Make me you fucking Jew."

"I swear to god Cartman. You're the most annoying person I've ever met." Kyle was fuming. His face was red and he had a spark in his eyes.

"Guys calm down, don't you remember what happened last time you guys stared to fight?" Kenny asked cautiously.

"Yeah, but this time I'm going to fight back." Cartman snarled and stood up.

"Are you challenging me to a fight?" Kyle asked, he laughed as if he almost didn't believe it. He stood up too and Kenny and I exchanged glances. By now they were attracting quite a large crowd of people. Of course Kyle had beaten Cartman up before, he was usually hitting him with something or trying to strangle him, but Cartman seemed adamant to fight back and Kyle seemed pissed as fuck.

"Hell yeah I am." Cartman slipped off his jacket and walked around the table to Kyle.

I didn't see who threw the first punch because they were behind me, but I'm guessing it was probably Kyle. "Fight, fight, fight." Everyone started chanting.

I quickly hopped over the table, trying to get away from an angry Kyle and Cartman. "Shit dude, should we break the up?" I asked Kenny once I was on the other side. As soon as I asked that the principal appeared and ended the fight himself by dragging Kyle and Cartman off to his office.

The crowd dispersed and Kenny turned to me. "They got a few good punches in before they stopped." He told me.

I just shook my head, "Don't you think they'll eventually hate each other so much they'll just stop being friends?" I asked him.

Kenny shrugged. "If Cartman still talks to us after we stole his kidney he's definitely going to forgive Kyle for giving him a black eye." He laughed, "But seriously though. They'll never stop talking. Eventually they'll both need someone to torment again."

I nodded in agreement, "I guess you're right."

Kenny grinned, "Of course. I'm gonna go smoke, wanna come?"

I shrugged, "Sure why not?"


	14. Chapter 14

Kenny and I ended up hanging out outside a lot longer then anticipated. After about thirty minutes Kenny suggested we just skip out on the rest of the day, I didn't feel like going back inside and dealing with anyone, so I agreed.

"What do you think happened to Cartman and Kyle?" I asked Kenny as he lit up his third cigarette.

"They probably got suspended." He shrugged, taking a long drag.

As if on queue the front door of the school opened and Kyle and Cartman walked out. Kenny and I looked at each other and nodded, agreeing to walk over and talk to them. When we got over there Kyle was sitting on the curb with his arms crossed and Cartman was standing a few feet away with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey guys, what'd you get? Suspension?" Kenny asked, grinning. Kyle nodded and Kenny turned to me, "Told you."

Cartman laughed and turned to us, he had a dark bruise on his cheek. "I'm not mad at you anymore Kahl." He said.

Kyle looked at him. "Shut up fatass." He shook his head.

"No, Kahl, I'm being seriously. We both messed up, let's forget it." He said, he smiled and it looked so real.

Kyle stood up, "You're lying."

"No, no, I insist." Cartman put his hand out and Kyle sighed and shook it.

"You guys have never made up this fast from a fight." I commented.

"We were both in the wrong, Stan." Cartman insisted.

"What are you up to?" Kenny asked.

Cartman smiled again, "Just letting bygones be bygones, Kenny."

Then Mrs. Broflovski pulled up. "I'm so fucked." Kyle groaned, then he ran to the car and got in before his mom had a chance to yell at him.

After they left I turned to Cartman. "What's really up?" I asked him.

"Well I do forgive Kyle for fighting me," he started, "But it seems to have slipped his mind that I said next time his mom would find out."

"His mom already knows about the fight though." I gestured to the direction that Kyle had left.

Cartman smiled, "You're right! That's why I'm going to tell her he's a raging fag."

"You wouldn't." Kenny said.

Cartman smiled and looked at us, "Why shouldn't I?"

"I don't think you realize how big of a deal this is, dude." I was trying to reason with him.

"I already said I was going to do it if Kyle did anything to me again. I'm just keeping the promise I made." Cartman shrugged and his mom pulled up. "See you losers later."

So that was Cartman's plan. I had to admit this was going to be the worst thing he'd done in a long ass time. It seemed like things like this used to be a regular occurrence but now they were slim to none. If Cartman actually pulled this off, it would be terrible.

Kenny took a long drag off his cigarette, "Well shit." He said after he exhaled.

"Dude, Kyle is so fucked."

"Hopefully he'll be fucked by you." Kenny laughed, "But seriously, this is pretty bad."

I turned to Kenny. "Don't you think we should warn Kyle or something?" I asked.

"Most definitely." Kenny dropped his cigarette. "But his ass will be grounded and he won't be in school. How do we know Cartman won't do it before they're back from their suspension?"

"You're right." I sighed, "I'm sure there's someway to warn him though."

Kenny grinned, "Of course. I'm a master of sneaking into people's houses. I'll help you."

I rolled my eyes at Kenny's cockiness, "How do we do it?" I asked.

"Well first we wait until it's night." Kenny replied, "You can't sneak around in the day or you'll definitely get caught."

"I guess that means I'll have to sneak out of my house tonight. My mom will definitely know Kyle got suspended by tonight and won't believe me if I tell her I'm over there." I thought for a moment, "How are we going to pull this shit off?"

"It'll be easy, don't worry about it." Kenny chuckled, "Besides were helping your lover, isn't it worth it?"

"Don't say that ever again." I stated flatly.

"Oh come on Stan, the whole schools knows you two are a thing." Kenny pointed out slyly.

"Yeah, all because of your boyfriend." I retorted, crossing my arms.

"You should've checked the closest before you made your confessions of undying love." Kenny teased. I just shook my head.

"Skipping school was probably a bad idea." I said, putting my hands in my pockets.

"Yeah, but if we hadn't skipped we never would've learned about Cartman's plan." Kenny pointed put.

"I guess you're right." I shrugged.

"It's scary to think about the road not traveled." Kenny mused.

I laughed and shook my head, "Shut up dude."

* * *

Kenny and I decided to go to the mall because we had nothing better to do. When I decided I'd better go home so parents didn't get suspicious of me being gone I offered Kenny a ride but he insisted on walking. Then he told me he'd come to my house tonight so he could help me sneak out.

When I got home my mom called me into the kitchen and her and my dad were sitting at the table. Shit, they probably had know I ditched. "Hey..." I say down with them.

"Stanley I thought this conversation would be best to have as a family." My mom started, "Ever since the incident-"

"You mean when I almost drank myself to death?" I asked bitterly. They always referred to it as 'the incident' or something just as awkward.

My mom let out a long sigh, "Yes. I mean that."

"What about it?" I asked, I was already bored by the conversation.

"Well we were just wondering what's been happening in your life that, you know, caused this." My mom said, interlacing her fingers and setting her hands on the table.

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I knew exactly what she meant.

"We're just trying to help you." My dad explained.

"Trying to help me like that time you sent me to live with Mongolians because Tweek almost got abducted, or actually help me?" I asked laughing.

My dad rolled his eyes. "We're really trying to help you."

"Well I already told you, I got in a fight with Kyle." I informed them.

"I don't think getting in a fight with your friend would cause this much trouble." My mom said.

"Well Kyle and I are best friends. It's all worked out now anyways." I dismissed.

"Then what have you been doing when you ditch school?" My dad asked, I knew they'd known.

I groaned, "Fuck."

"The school notifies us when you just randomly leave." My mom said in an annoyed tone.

"Kenny and I went to the mall." I told them.

"But why did you even leave in this first place?" My mom asked.

I could've told them it was because Kenny was smoking and we lost track of time, but I didn't think that'd go over well with them. "Kyle and Cartman got in a fight so Kenny and I were avoiding them. They're annoying as hell when they fight."

My dad sighed, "Well you can't just leave school whenever you feel like it."

"I know, I won't do it again." I told them.

My mom smiled like some progress had been made. She stood up, "I have to go to book club. You two are in charge of dinner."

After my mom left my dad glanced at me. "Wanna get a pizza again?" He asked. I nodded.

The rest of the night I sat on the couch with my dad watching whatever weird movies were on tv. Around eleven I said I was going to bed and went up to my room. I had no idea when Kenny would show up , but I figured it would be any time now.

It was apparently a lot later than I thought because I ended up falling asleep and waking up to Kenny shaking me. "Dude." I groaned.

"Come on its one, if we hurry you can go back to sleep before school tomorrow." Kenny coaxed me out of bed and I yawned as I grabbed my jacket. "We have to take your ladder with us." He explained as he crawled out my window and down the ladder, I followed him.

"We can't take my car, it'll wake my parents up." I said as we worked on quietly lowering the ladder.

"Then I guess we'll have to walk." Kenny shrugged. "Grab the other end of the ladder and let's go."

I'm sure we looked suspicious as hell. Two teenagers carting a ladder through snow at one in the morning. Luckily, the police system was pretty poor in South Park.

It usually didn't take long to walk to Kyle's but it took a lot longer when it was twenty degrees outside and you were carrying a fucking ladder. The cold made my nose go numb I and I wished I had grabbed a bigger jacket before leaving my house.

By the time we got to Kyle's my hands were ice. "We have to do this fast." I explained as we opened the gate to the Broflovski's backyard. Kenny nodded in agreement and mumbled something in reply but I couldn't understand him because he had his hood pulled up around his face.

We extended the ladder and laid it gently against the house. "Do you think his window's unlocked?" I asked, Kenny shrugged. I sighed and began to climb the ladder as Kenny watched.

When I got to the top I pushed the window up and, lucky for me, it was open. I stepped inside Kyle's room and then walked over to his bed.

Kyle was cute when he was asleep. He had his hat off and his curls were resting on his pillow. I smiled to myself as I remembered that Kyle liked me back. I knelt down next to his bed and shook him awake lightly. "Five more minutes, mom." Kyle mumbled sleepily.

"I'm not your mom dude." I whispered softly.

His emerald eyes opened halfway to look at me. "Stan?" He asked softly, then he say up. "What the hell?"

"Kenny helped me sneak in." I explained, standing up and the sitting on his bed with him.

"Why? You just couldn't stay away from me?" Kyle laughed softly.

"Well, yes, but I also had to tell you something." I said.

"I have to tell you something too." Kyle yawned, "I'm so happy that we're dating..." He trailed off, "We never made it official, oh shit."

"Well if can be official, but that's not what I came to talk to you about." I explained.

Kyle smiled and wrapped his arms around me, "Okay, but I had to tell you." He was half asleep, it was honestly adorable. "What were you gonna tell me?"

"Cartman's gonna tell your mom that you're gay." I told him.

"Why would he do that?" Kyle asked.

"Because he said next time you guys got in a fight he'd tell your mom." I explained.

"Yeah but my mom already knows about the fight."

"I know but he wanted to be a dick and come out for you." I explained.

"God fucking dammit." Kyle sat up straight. "That piece of shit."

"Kenny and I thought we should warn you."

"Where is Kenny?" Kyle asked.

"In your backyard." I sighed.

"My mom took my phone as punishment for being suspended. I got grounded for two weeks." Kyle explained, "My parents were pretty pissed."

"I figured they would be, and I figured they'd take your phone."

"When is Cartman gonna tell my mom?" Kyle asked.

I shrugged, "He didn't tell us that much."

Kyle stood up and began pacing around his room. "I need to stop him, dammit."

"Me and Kenny can help." I told him, standing up too.

"Well I guess there's nothing we can do about it tonight." Kyle sighed deeply.

I nodded in agreement. "I'll go over to his house tomorrow." I offered.

"Try to talk him out of it, tell him I'll pay him." Kyle said, he punched the bridge of his nose. "I should've know this would happen."

I walked over to him. "It's typical Cartman." He nodded in agreement. "I need to head home, it's so late."

Kyle sighed and pulled me into a hug. "I'm not gonna see you for like a week."

I hugged him back. "I know." Soon the hug turned into a kiss. When we kissed I had to stand on my tiptoes just to reach Kyle's lips. Even with me on my toes Kyle still had to lean down just slightly.

I felt sad that I wouldn't be able to see Kyle but I wasn't going to fight his parents on this.

"It's great you two are in love but we need to leave, like now." Kenny said suddenly. He was sticking his head through Kyle's window and standing on the ladder.

Kyle and I broke apart and I turned to Kenny. "What's going on?" I asked him.

"I hear someone walking around the corner. I don't know if it's a police man or what, but who walks around the neighborhood at one in the morning?" He asked.

I sighed, good point. I kissed Kyle quickly for good measure and then started walking to the window. When I got there the ladder had begun falling backwards away from the house. Kenny let out a little squeak before hitting the ground, with the ladder on top of him. "Oh my god, they killed Kenny."

"You bastards!" Kyle finished up.

"Shit, that was my only way out of here." I panicked.

"NOW THAT I'VE PUSHED OVER THE LADDER THERE'S NO ESCAPE FOR YOU FAGS!"

Kyle and I leaned out the window and there, in Kyle's backyard, was Cartman. "Oh fuck." Kyle mumbled under his breath.

As soon as Cartman said that the lights in Kyle's house almost seemed to come on automatically. Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski were down in their backyard in almost an instant. "Eric!" Mrs. Broflovski exclaimed.

The night was eerily silent so we could hear them perfectly. Cartman shot a look in our direction and Kyle and I exchanged glances. "Mrs. Broflovski a moment of your time, if you will."

"This better be important." She was already ticked off.

"It has come to my attention, Mrs. Broflovski, that your son, Kyle, is a homosexual. In fact he's upstairs with is lover, Stan, right now as we speak." Cartman explained smugly.

Mrs. Broflovski looked up at the window where me and Kyle were still standing. Kyle was mortified and I couldn't look away from this train wreck.

In the blink of an eye she was upstairs and bursting through Kyle's door. "Kyle, is what Eric telling me true?" She asked, glancing at me.

Kyle looked at her and then at the floor. "Yeah." He said softly.

Sheila sighed, "Stan let's call your parents to come get you." She motioned for us to follow and we walked downstairs where Eric was standing with Mr. Broflovski.

I knew my parents would slaughter me, but probably not as bad as Kyle's. Kyle's parents left the room to go make phone calls and left me, Kyle and Cartman sitting on the couch.

"How did you know that Kenny and I were coming here?" I asked Cartman. Then I realized Kenny had just disappeared. I would have to kick his ass later for bailing on us like that.

"Craig." Cartman answered simply. "He was out smoking when you guys were talking. Then I was in the bathroom when he told Tweek about it."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you." Kyle seethed.

Cartman laughed, "Okay Kahl."

Kyle's parents came back in the room and looked at all three of us. Kyle had his head buried in his hands, Cartman had his head resting on his hand looking bored, and I probably looked like a sleep deprived mess.

I kept thinking that Kyle's parents were going to say something to us but they didn't. They kept glancing at Kyle and I who were sitting next to each other on the couch. Kyle finally looked up from his hands, "Can I go back to bed?" He asked his parents weakly.

"Go ahead Kyle, we'll talk to you in the morning." Gerald said, Kyle didn't hesitate to stand up and leave. I could imagine his crying in his room, because he probably was, and it made me feel terrible. I felt like I could've stopped Cartman if I had tried harder.

Cartman's mom got to Kyle's house before my parents, thank god. She talked briefly to the Broflovski's before taking Cartman home with her. When they came back to the living room I was sitting there staring at the wall.

Sheila sat down next to me. "So you and Kyle are... Dating?" She asked me, I nodded.

"Why did Eric Cartman have to tell me this?" She asked.

"Why didn't you just figure it out yourself? You had that gay porn magazine like a week ago." I quipped. I instantly regretted my smart ass answer though. "I didn't mean it." I quickly added.

Sheila narrowed her eyes at me as there was a knock on the front door. "Well, we'll have to have a big talk about this one day, but I don't think one in the morning is the best time to do it." Gerald stated as he got up and let my parents in.

"Stanley, you are in a lot of trouble young man." My mom was visibly pissed off. "Thank you for calling us Sheila. Let's go, Stan."

I left with my parents and as soon as I got in the car they turned around to me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" My dad asked. The Broflovski's might've thought this conversation could wait until later but my parents were going to have this conversation now.

"What did Kyle's mom tell you?" I asked. I wanted to tell them the bare minimum that I could.

"Oh no, you're telling us everything." My mom said angrily.

"Okay so Kyle and I are dating and-"

"Randy, I told you he was gay, you owe me ten bucks." My mom cut me off.

"Dammit, I should've known with how close him and Kyle are." My dad mumbled.

"You made bets on me being gay?!"

"All parents do it," my mom dismissed, "Now finish your story." I told them everything that had happened.

"Why did you think it was a good idea to warn Kyle about Cartman in the middle of the night?" My dad questioned.

"Because his mom took his phone away because he's grounded and she's going to destroy him for being gay." I explained.

"Sheila and Gerald aren't that bad." My mom insisted.

"They're the type of people that support gay stuff in theory but would never want it to be in their household." I said in exasperation.

After all this time we were still sitting in the dark car in the Broflovski's driveway. The lights has gone back off in the house and it looked peaceful. My parents never disagreed or agreed with me about the Broflovski's. Instead my dad just started the car and drove us home.

When we got home I glanced between my parents. "Are you mad at me for being gay?" I asked them. It seemed like a stupid question but I felt like they were for some reason. They were probably mad about me sneaking out and everything else, but they hadn't really reacted to me coming out.

My mom smiled tiredly. "Stan, we'll always love you not matter what." She said. I think that parents are just wired to say that. After she said it she gave me a long hug and I hugged her back.

"I better get back to bed, I still have school tomorrow." My mom let go of me and I told my parents goodnight before returning to my room. My window was still open from when Kenny and I crawled out of it earlier. My room was freezing from the nippy wind. I closed it and sighed as I flopped down on my bed.

I curled up under my covers and willed myself to go to sleep, but I couldn't do it. I laid there until my alarm went off for school. I walked downstairs and made a huge cup of coffee, drank it, and counted is as breakfast. After drinking half the coffee I went upstairs to get ready.

As I brushed my teeth I realized how shitty school was going to be today. Cartman and Kyle were suspended and Kenny was gone.

I walked back downstairs and put on my coat. I was heading for my car when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see my mom. "Don't ditch school today." She said, "And consider yourself grounded for sneaking out and ditching school." She added.

I nodded, "Okay." I figured that was fair enough.

She smiled and kissed my cheek. "Have a good day at school."

* * *

School was boring as hell. At lunch I went to our usual table and fell asleep on it. I was only asleep for like five minutes though because Bebe and Wendy walked over and sat down across from me, waking me up. "Hey guys," I greeted sleepily.

"Are you alright?" Bebe asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't get any sleep last night." I told her.

"Why not?" She asked me. I explained the shortened version of what happened last night to them.

"Cartman did that? That's terrible!" Wendy gasped. She sounded surprised but I didn't know why. She had known Cartman as long as any of us and she was even dating him. I figured she'd be used to Cartman's general dickishness.

"Yeah, it was pretty terrible." I yawned, "What do you see in him anyways?"

"People are different when they're alone." Wendy insisted.

"Well ask him to stop being such an asshole next time you see him." I told her. Wendy sighed. "Why'd you guys come over here anyways?"

"You looked sad and lonely." Bebe smiled, "All of your friends are gone." She observed.

I nodded, "Kenny disappeared again."

"I wonder where he goes." Wendy wondered out loud. Bebe and I shrugged in response.

"I appreciate you guys coming over but I was asleep and that was the only time I could've napped uninterrupted." I didn't even try to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I was just upset because I hadn't gotten any sleep and I was worried about Kyle.

"Well excuse us for trying to be nice." Bebe laughed and twirled her blonde hair in her fingers. The bell rang to signal the end of lunch.

I walked to foods slowly, mostly because I didn't want to go but also because I was about to fall asleep. On the way I saw Butters in the hall, "Stan." He called out, "Have you seen Kenny?"

"He disappeared yesterday. You know how he is." I told him.

"Oh, I see." He said. I nodded.

"Can I ask you something?"

Butters lit up, "Is it another question about happiness?"

"It's about Kenny actually." Butters waited for me to ask the question. "Why do you let Kenny lead you on like this?"

Butters laughed, "Stan you silly goose, he's not leading me on. I know Kenny doesn't stay in relationships for too long, but we're just having fun."

"Oh."

Butters smiled, "I'm gonna be late if I don't hurry. See you later, Stan."

The rest of the day went by slowly. When I was leaving school Heidi walked up to me with her camera. "Where's Kyle? I still need a picture of you two." She smiled.

"He got suspended." I told her flatly.

"Damn, I need that picture."

"I'll come find you when he comes back." She seemed satisfied with that answer so she left.

I walked out and sat down in my car letting out a sigh. I wanted to rest there for awhile but my mom would kill me if I wasn't home right after school. I closed my eyes for a second and my phone started ringing. I reached over and answered it without even looking at it. I figured it would just be my mom or something. "Hello?"

"Hey dude." It was Kyle. I opened my eyes and smiled. "Ike let me use his phone to call you but my parents will be back in a few minutes so we have to make this fast."

"Are you parents slaughtering you?" I asked him.

"They've mostly just been quiet. My dad said that they accept me because they didn't want to be in a hateful household, but I think my mom's disappointed." Kyle sighed, "She'll get over it though. What about your parents?"

"They were just mad at me for sneaking out and ditching school." I told him.

He laughed, "Lucky. Your parents are so chill."

I laughed too, "I guess so. School sucked without any of you guys here."

"Being trapped at home all alone isn't fun either." Kyle said.

"How long until you're back at school?" I asked.

"Monday." He said, "only four days, but the weekend is really gonna suck because I'll have to be around my parents and I won't be able to go anywhere." He sighed.

"I'm sorry, dude."

"It's okay. I have to go anyways, I just heard the car in the drive way. Bye, I love you Stan."

I smiled, I got so happy when Kyle told me he loved me. It made me melt just a little. "I love you too, Kyle." I said then I hung up and started to drive home.

When I got home I laid down on the couch and took a nap. I was still exhausted from the night before. My mom woke me up when dinner was ready.

"How was school today?" My mom asked me at dinner.

"Boring, all my friends were gone." I said sighing. "I hope Kenny's back soon."

"Where is he?" My dad asked, I shrugged in response. My parents talked about their days, my dad told a story about how someone at his job had quit today. Sometimes I was surprised my dad even had a job.

After dinner I helped my mom do the dishes and then went up to my room to do my homework. I actually did it for once instead of just pretending to.

After I was done I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. I felt a familiar emptiness fill me but this time I didn't have alcohol to fill the holes. I shouldn't have been thinking about drinking anyways. If Kyle was with me he'd be disappointed in me.

I turned to face the wall. It was too early to go to sleep but I had nothing else to do.

My mind kept wandering back to Kyle. I wondered how he was doing. I hoped that everything would work out alright for him.

I couldn't get my mind off Kyle and alcohol so I grabbed my earbuds and started playing music from my phone my phone. I closed my eyes as I listened to the music and tried to think about anything else.

 **It's been so long since I've updated this and I'm sorry. I've just accepted I'm never going to be good at updating quickly, even if I really try to. The support for this fanfiction is amazing! I love reading all the reviews and seeing how many people like and follow it. It really means a lot to me! I'm just surprised that so many people are enjoying it, thank you all so much! (: HOPEFULLY I'll get this updated soon but I can't promise anything.**


	15. Chapter 15

After four days of going to school and coming straight home to spend time with my parents I was going insane. My dad kept asking me annoying questions about me and Kyle's relationship (usually about making sure we were having safe _gay_ sex) while my mom tried to make him stop and failed.

The weekend wasn't any better because Kyle was grounded, Kenny was gone, and there was no way in hell I was going to hang out with Cartman. I had been officially ungrounded on Saturday but I didn't have anything to do. I just laid around and watched Netflix all day.

On Sunday evening there was a knock on the front door. I groaned as I pulled myself off the couch to answer it. I wasn't even surprised to find Kenny standing on my porch. He grinned, "What happened while I was gone?"

"Where the hell did you go?" I asked, letting him in.

"I was in hell." Kenny answered simply, like that was a fucking answer.

I shook my head, "Cartman told Kyle's parents we were dating."

"And?"

"Kyle's mom is mad." I replied sighing.

"Jesus, I always miss the best parts." Kenny shook his head. "Anyways, how mad was Kyle's mom?"

"I don't know. I got my ass grilled for sneaking out though, but I'm not grounded anymore." I told him, waking back over to the couch and sitting down.

Kenny say down next to me, "When are Kyle and Cartman coming back to school?"

"Tomorrow. I can ask Kyle about his parents then."

"Yeah, and Kyle and I can kick Cartman's ass." Kenny grumbled.

"Why are you mad at him?" I questioned.

"I was on the fucking ladder as it was falling, dude! The ladder didn't just fall on its own, Cartman pushed it." Kenny explained in an annoyed tone.

"Oh come on Kenny, there's no way you were on the ladder when it fell. You wouldn't be able to survive a fall that far." I pointed out.

"I didn't survive a fall that far!" Kenny exclaimed. I gave him a weird look then he shook his head. "Whatever dude. I'll just kick Cartman's ass for being a dick."

"Well he definitely is a dick." I agreed, "I doubt him and Kyle will even talk tomorrow."

"Probably not. If I was Kyle I'd be fucking pissed." Kenny laughed.

My mom walked into the room and glanced between us smiling. "Are you staying the night Kenny?" She asked.

Kenny smiled sweetly, "If it's not a problem, Mrs. Marsh." I rolled my eyes at Kenny's fakeness.

My mom smiled anyways, "I'm going to get dinner started."

"Why do you kiss my mom's ass so much?" I asked him.

"Well she does have nice tits." Kenny grinned.

"Oh Jesus, are you saying my mom's a milf?" I questioned, disgusted by the thought that Kenny found my mom attractive at all.

Kenny shrugged, "I guess so, but milfs in porn don't look at hot as her."

I rolled my eyes, "You would know. I bet you just sit around and watch milf porn all day."

"Nah, I have the link to my favorite porn memorized, it's 174545."

When he got to the last number I laughed, "Why the fuck do you have that memorized?"

Kenny shrugged, "Why the fuck not?" I guess he had a point.

We ended up playing video games for the rest of the night, only taking a break to eat dinner. Once it got late enough my dad told us to go bed. I made him and Kenny promise not to draw dicks on my face.

After giving Kenny blankets and pillows and stuff I went upstairs to go to sleep. I slept really good because I was exhausted from the week before. When I woke up I actually didn't feel tired of once, and I was happy Kenny and my dad didn't draw dicks all over my face.

I went downstairs to get a bowl of cereal and Kenny and my mom were talking and laughing. I tried to tune them out as I ate breakfast because I didn't know if I could stand anymore of Kenny kissing her ass.

After getting ready I drove to school with Kenny. "Do you think Cartman and Kyle will try to kill each other?" Kenny asked me.

"Nah dude. Kyle won't want to get suspended again." I pointed out.

"Yeah that's true. Cartman's an asshole for outing Kyle though."

"Yeah, I feel bad for him. Since his mom is insane." I sighed.

"Yeah, but his dad turned into a dolphin once. That's pretty fucking insane too." Kenny laughed as we got to school.

"I forgot about that. Yeah he's pretty weird too." I laughed with him as I parked.

We walked into school together and almost instantly Butters was by Kenny's side. I still didn't understand how their relationship worked but I didn't care enough to find out. Soon the hallways began to fill up with people.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see Kyle standing there. He smiled, "Hey dude." He greeted then he glanced at Kenny and Butters. "Hey guys."

Kenny grinned, "How was your suspension?"

Kyle laughed, "Literal hell." He shrugged like it was no big deal but then he glanced downwards and shuffled his feet.

Kenny glanced between us, notice the awkward tension in the air, "Well guys Butters and I have to go do something, come on Butters." He smiled and grabbed Butters hand to lead him away.

After they left I looked at Kyle. "What did your parents say?" I questioned.

Kyle sighed, "They want to talk to us both. They haven't really said much to me so I don't know what to expect." He explained.

"Jesus Christ, all my dad has done is tease me about being gay for the past week." I rolled my eyes and stuck my hands in my pocket.

Kyle laughed, "I wish my dad was more like yours."

"No you don't."

Kyle smiled slightly and looked at me. "If you say so."

"What are you going to do about Cartman dude?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He answered simply as the first bell rang.

"Well, are you just going to ignore him or something? Kenny and I want to kick his ass."

Kyle shook his head, "No, I'm just not going to do anything about Cartman. He can't be changed and I just have to learn to accept that."

"So are you still mad at him?" I asked Kyle as we bag a to walk to class.

"I honestly don't know, Stan." Was his response. Before he walked into class he gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I stood in the hallway for a few moments before going to my class.

The rest of the morning went by painfully slow. I was tapping my pencil on my desk and checking the clock most of the time. Since Cartman was back almost all my classes were filled with snarky remarks from him.

On the way to lunch I stopped at my locker to put my books away and Cartman came with me. "Is Kahl still mad?" He asked me nonchalantly.

I slammed my locker and turned to him. "I don't know, fatass." I began walking towards the cafeteria, "If I were him you'd be dead."

Cartman chuckled, "But here I am, Stan. I look pretty alive to me."

I just rolled my eyes as I walked to our usual lunch table. Kenny and Kyle were already there talking to each other. When I got there I sat down next to Kyle and Cartman looked at us for a moment, hesitating almost. "Are you still mad, Kahl?" He questioned after a moment.

Kyle glanced at Cartman almost in disbelief that he was asking him this question. "Cartman," He started then he debated what to say, "You went to far this time. I was okay with you grounding Scotts parents into chili, i was even chill a about you ripping on me for being Jewish since you could talk basically, it was even alright when you told everyone we were gay and dating in fourth grade but this is too far. Listen, I know we don't really consider each other friends but we're definitely something and whatever we are consider that over."

Cartman stood there dumbfounded and Kenny glanced at me and I shrugged at him. Kyle took a bite of his sandwich as if none of that had just happened. "Well, fuck you, you stupid Jew." Cartman mumbled as he left.

I glanced at Kyle, "Are you alright dude?" I questioned.

Kyle nodded, "I'm just fed up with Cartman's shit."

"Aren't we all?" Kenny asked with a slight annoyance in his voice.

"Why are you mad at him?" Kyle asked.

"He fucking killed me!" Kenny exclaimed.

Kyle and I glanced at each other, Kenny had been telling us stories like this for years. "Sure he did, Ken." Kyle replied, Kenny rolled his eyes.

After school I stood by my car waiting for Kyle. We had to go talk with his parents after school. I was nervous because Kyle's parents and I hadn't been on the best terms. When Kyle walked up he looked down and smiled at me, "Are you ready to go?"

I shrugged, "I'm ready." We got in my car and I started to head to Kyle's house.

"Don't be nervous Stan, I'm sure everything will be fine." Kyle rested a reassuring hand on my thigh.

"What if they just want to pray for us of some shit?" I questioned, I didn't want Kyle's parents to become suddenly more religious than they already were.

"I don't think they will. They just want to be accepting, at least that's what my dad tells me. Me and my mom got in a fight and we haven't talked much." Kyle shrugged and pulled his hand away.

"So, she's mad then?"

"I think she's just disappointed. She said that me being gay with her fault and she was going to 'fix' it, but my dad said that he'd talk to her about it. Then this morning they said I should bring you home because they want to talk to both of us, I'm not really sure what they're going to say but it'll probably be alright." Kyle explained.

I parked in front of the Broflovski's house and turned to Kyle. "If you say so, I hope you're right."

Kyle smiled as he met my eyes. "Don't worry about it dude." He leaned over and kissed me softly. My eyes fluttered shut as I returned the kiss. There was a knock on my window and pulled away and saw Ike standing outside the car laughing. Kyle and I got out, "You little prick."

Ike grinned, "It's just so funny that you two are a thing now."

Kyle rolled his eyes as Ike left, going inside the house. Then he turned to me, "I'm sure everything will be fine." He reassured again. Then he pressed a kiss to my lips. I still got butterflies from kissing him, but the good kind. I finally felt like I wasn't going to throw up when I kissed someone, it just felt so right.

Kyle motioned for me to follow him and we started walking to the house. We stepped inside and Kyle called out, "I'm home!" Before realizing his parents were already in the front room.

Sheila looked at us with an expressionless face, "Why don't you two boys have a seat on the couch?" Kyle and I sat on the couch as Gerald made Ike go upstairs.

"Dad I wanted to watch Kyle get his ass roasted." Ike complained as he reluctantly walked towards the stairs.

"There will be no add roasting here." Gerald told him as he left.

I glanced around the living room, I'd probably spent half of my childhood in this room but now the air was uneasy. Sheila glanced between us, "Now we all need to have a little talk."

"Stan we thought it was fitting to have you here because we've known you your whole life, you're basically like another son to us." Gerald stated. I smiled sightly at this but that didn't erase the nervousness I was feeling.

"Really we were just happy Kyle isn't dating Eric or Kenny. Those are two, um, strange boys." Sheila said with a laugh.

Gerald smiled, "Me and Sheila have talked about this a lot and we feel the only way for us to get along is if we accept you guys."

I felt relief wash over me, it was like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. "We know this might be against god's way, but we want to love and support you." Sheila explained, "Nothing good comes from a hateful household."

Kyle cracked a smile and turned to me as if to say I told you so. Sheila looked between us, "I hope you can forgive me, Kyle."

"Aw ma, you know I still love you." Kyle replied.

Sheila looked between us and smiled contently. I was surprised by hey calmness about the situation now, I figured Gerald had talked some sense into her. Talking things out with her usually solved the problem, but most conversations with Sheila about sensitive subjects turned into yelling.

Kyle glanced at his parents and then at me, "Is that all you wanted to tell us?" He asked.

"I think that's all." Gerald said, glancing look his wife.

She nodded, "We just want you to know we accept this."

"Thanks guys." Kyle stood up and hugged both his parents. "Can Stan and I have some time alone to talk?" He asked. His parents nodded and left the room, then Kyle turned to me. "That went better than expected."

"It did." I agreed, "I was actually surprised."

"If my dad wasn't here then we would've been screwed." He sat down next to me on the couch.

"I'll have to thank him later." I rested my head on Kyle's shoulder and closed my eyes.

Kyle put an arm around me. "Does it surprise you that we turned out like this?" He asked out of the blue.

"You mean gay?" I laughed softly.

Kyle laughed too, "No I just meant me and you, together."

I thought about it for a moment. "Well if you'd told ten year old me that I'd be dating you one day I would've laughed, so I guess so."

Kyle rubbed my shoulder, "I would've been surprised but only because you were the straightest kid in our group."

"Well Cartman is the only one of us who turned out straight." I pointed out with a laugh.

"It's kind of funny actually." Kyle said, "I don't think anyone is one hundred percent straight though."

"You're probably right." We sat in silence for a moment.

"I've had a crush on you for a long time." Kyle admitted, turning away from me.

"Really?" I sat up, "How did I never know?"

Kyle shrugged, "I never told anyone. No one even knew I was gay until like two months ago." He laughed and ran his hands up and under his hat.

I felt bad that I hadn't even know Kyle had a crush on me for all these years. "You should've told me sooner."

Kyle shrugged and smiled at me, "I didn't want to break up you and Wendy. Besides, it all worked out in the end." He looked into my eyes and I smiled back.

"You know what, Kyle?" I asked.

"Hmm?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I want to stop drinking. I actually mean it this time." I told him, he rested a hand on my shoulder.

"I think it would definitely be better for you that way, dude." He smiled sweetly.

"I do too, but it will be hard. Will you help me?" I asked. I wanted to give up drinking, I really did. I didn't want to turn out like my dad, but I was still scared. I didn't want the world to become shitty like when I was a kid.

"I'll be there for you every step of the way." Kyle leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close as I kissed him back. We kissed for a moment before Kyle pulled away, "I don't want my parents to flip out." He explained, pressing a quick kiss to my nose.

Kyle and I cuddled up and watched a movie until it got late and I needed to go home. He walked me out to my cat and gave me a hug before I got in. I was barely tall enough to look over Kyle's shoulders but I still wrapped my arms around his neck to hug him. I pulled him down to my level to give him a kiss. "I'm still pissed as fuck that you got taller than me."

Kyle laughed, "I'm happy. You're adorable." He told me, kissing me again.

I smiled as I looked up at him. "I love you, Kyle."

"I love you too, Stan."

I got in my car and started driving home. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. When I got home I walked inside and found Kenny and my mom standing in the living room talking. Kenny turned to me and grinned, he had a bandaid covering something on his face so I figured things were bad at home for him again. "Dude, Cartman is so sad." He gushed.

"What? Why?" I asked, setting my backpack on the floor. My mom left the room.

"Well I was going to come over here, because it's my go to place when things get bad, but then no one was home so I went to Cartman's house and his mom said he was sad and I should I go talk to him." Kenny explained.

I nodded, "And then?"

"Well I got up there and he was just laying in bed facing the wall and he said it was because him and Kyle weren't friends anymore."

I snorted, "That's a lie."

Kenny shook his head, "We're his only friends. If he loses Kyle he loses us all." He pointed out.

"I never thought about that. Well he can be sad for a day and we can try and get him and Kyle on better terms tomorrow." I wasn't too worried about it. I just wanted to do my homework and go to bed.

"Hey Stan?" Kenny said, putting his hands in his pockets. I looked at him, "I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here all the time."

I laughed, "I'm pretty sure my dad likes you more than he likes me. But really, it's chill dude, you don't have worry about it."

Kenny smiled, "It really means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." I replied with a smile. "I have to do my homework, want to come do yours too?" I asked. He nodded and we headed upstairs to get our work done.

* * *

The next morning we drove to school together and when we got there Kenny left me when he saw Butters. I walked inside and Cartman was standing just inside the doors, "Stan!" He exclaimed, "Do you think you can get the guys to all agree to come to Stark's Pond after school today? I need to talk to you all."

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything." I shrugged and left. It was funny to see Cartman so torn up about something. I walked to Kyle's locker, he was there grabbing out his books. "Good morning dude," I greeted.

Kyle closed his locker and smiled. "Hey." He kissed me quickly, "What's up?"

"Cartman wants to talk to the squad after school at Stark's pond, but nothing else."

"What does that fat asshole want now?" Kyle asked angrily.

"I think he wants to apologize." I told Kyle.

"If he doesn't apologize then I don't know what I'll do." Kyle crossed his arms. I didn't understand why he got so worked up over Cartman's antics and I guess I never would.

Heidi Turner approached us, camera in hand. "Can I please take a picture of you guys now?" She questioned.

"Sure." Kyle said, he set his books down and then put his arm around me, we smiled as Heidi took the picture.

She smiled, "Thank you so much." She said cheerily as she turned down the hall and left.

I turned to Kyle. "I guess we're officially gay now, it'll be documented in the year book forever." I said.

Kyle laughed, "It just how I would've wanted it to be."

The first bell rang and we hugged before we went our separate ways for classes. The day went by slowly. Kenny was no where to be found at lunch, he was probably making out with Butters in a closet somewhere. At the end of the day Kyle and I walked out to my car together.

"Are you ready to go talk to Cartman?" I asked as I opened the door to my car.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Kyle shrugged.

Kenny and Butters ran up hand in hand. "Can you drive us all to see Cartman?" Kenny asked, I nodded and they hopped in the back.

We drove to the pond and Kenny and Butters stared into each other's eyes the whole way there. I didn't understand their relationship and I never would, they were happy and that was all that mattered though.

When we got to the pond we walked over to the bench and Cartman was sitting on. "We're here dude." Kyle said.

Cartman turned around and looked at us. "I'm glad you could all make it." He stood up.

"Look, I know I haven't been the best you guys, mostly Kyle and Butters, but you guys are my friends." Cartman stated, he sounded sincere too. "I love you guys," he paused and glanced at Kyle, "Even you, Jew."

"Cartman, you can't expect to just apologize and make everything go back to normal." I pointed out.

Kyle sighed, "I always have to be the bigger person, and this time I have to do the same thing. Everything worked out fine, Cartman. I forgive you. Just don't do any shit like that again or I will murder you."

"Well Cartman will make you eat your parents." Kenny chimed in.

Cartman laughed and then pulled us all into a group hug. "Thanks guys."

Butters smiled, "You don't have to thank us, Eric, this is what friends are for."

"Indeed Butters." Cartman agreed.

We stood in silence and looked out at the pond. "Remember when we used to skate on this?" I asked, walking over to the edge.

"Sure do." Kyle walked over too, "In a few months I'll be frozen enough that even Cartman can put his fat ass on it and it wouldn't break."

Stan laughed, "That's true."

Cartman walked over to us, "Remember when we had that bonfire here? So much has changed."

"Changed for the better." Kyle said, looking at me and smiling.

"Fags." Cartman mumbled under his breath.

"Of course." I said then I stood on my tiptoes to give Kyle a kiss. I saw Cartman roll his eyes.

"It's freezing as balls out here." I commented.

Soon I was pelted in the back with a snowball. I turned around and Kenny was holding another snowball in his hand. "You son of a bitch." I called out laughing as I made a snowball to throw back at him.

Soon everyone was engaged in an all out snowball war. Cartman got hit the most because he took up the most room and we were all secretly out to get him. Cartman got me back by shaking a tree and making a pile of snow fall on me and Kenny.

It was good to be hanging out with the old squad again, it was like we were still kids having fun without the stress of life.

When the fight was over we all laid down in the snow and looked up at the sky. "It's a beautiful day, fellas." Butters commented.

We all nodded in agreement as a chilly breeze blew past us. We laid there until Cartman wouldn't stop complaining about not being able to feel his toes, then we all piled into my car so I could take them all home.

We went to Butters house and Kenny got out with him. "See you two later." I said, waving as then stood hand in hand.

Next we went to Cartman's house. "I had fun with you two fags." He commented as he got out of the car.

Kyle turned to me after he was gone. "He's never going to stop calling us fags, you know?"

I rolled my eyes, "That's Cartman for you."

"We can never stop being his friend though." Kyle said as I drove towards his house.

"Yeah, I wonder why?" I questioned out loud. When we got to Kyle's house he turned to me.

"I guess we'll never know." He shrugged and smiled at me. His hair was peaking out from under his hat and his freckles were adorable as ever. "I love you Stan."

"I know, I love you too."

We kissed across the car and I pulled off his hat and ran my hands through his silky hair. I was so happy, I never thought I could be this happy. I guess the only thing I had been missing in my life was Kyle, and I wasn't going to let him get away.

The porch lights on Kyle's house flashed on and off. Kyle pulled away. "I have to go, I love you Stan."

"I love you too." I smiled has he got of the car. He turned to look at me again.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, dude." I watched as he walked up to his house. I started to drive away, I had the biggest smile ever.

 **This is basically the end of they story. I've been working on it for eight months and I'm so happy with how it came out. Thank you to everyone that read it, it means a lot to me!**


	16. Epilogue

In early December stark's pond was finally frozen enough for us to all skate on it. We went on a triple date- me and Stan, Cartman and Wendy, and Butters and Kenny (who somehow managed to stay together together).

Kenny and Butters held hands and skated in circles, laughing to themselves as they did so. Wendy skated all over the ice in perfect form, putting us all to shame.

Kyle was holding one of my hands and skating along the edge with me. He pulled me close to him and stopped. "How are you doing, Stan?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, "I'm doing fine."

"I know, but it's been awhile since you've said anything about drinking, are you good?" Kyle asked again, concern imprinted deep in his face.

I smiled up at him, "I have it up." I told him, laughing as I skated around him. "I haven't drank since October." I shrugged.

Kyle smiled brightly and started skating with me, "That's great dude, I'm proud of you."

I smiled and stopped just to give him a kiss. He pulled me into a hug and then we continued to skate around. I was surprised that things all worked out like this, it was South Park, nothing hardly went as planned. I still had hope this would stay the same as it was right now, if it didn't I would be upset.

"Hey guys, Bebe and Token are coming out to skate too." Wendy called out to us.

Bebe and Token had started dating late November after Cartman told her she needed to stop third wheeling him and Wendy, he did it in a pretty rude way too. Bebe and Wendy didn't talk for a few days and Wendy was pissed at Cartman for pissing of Bebe. Eventually it all worked out though, Bebe and Token got close and next thing you knew they were making out in all the hallways at school.

When they showed up the talked to Wendy and Cartman and then began skating with us.

Kenny skated over to me, "I hate this." He commented.

"Hate what?" I asked him, there was nothing to hate.

"It all just seems so picture perfect. I mean, nothing bad is happening." Kenny pointed out.

"Yeah, but I think that's a good thing." I laughed and started skating around him.

"I just need to be extra careful, I don't want to end up dead." Kenny shrugged as he began to skate around again, he was so weird.

Kyle skated over to me, "It all worked out pretty well." He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Pretty well for this crazy town." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I couldn't care less about the town, as long as I have you." Kyle cooed and I blushed lightly.

"You're too sweet, Kyle." I hugged him and then we heard a crack and we turns just in time to watch Kenny fall through the ice and then the ice instantly froze back up.

We all skated over but there was no response. "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" I yelled.

"You bastards!" Kyle called out, raising his fist to the sky.

"Do you guys what to go get some hot chocolate?" Bebe asked us.

A sure murmured through the crowd and to the side of the pond. "I hope that things keep working out this good." Kyle commented, looking at me.

I nodded, "Me too. I really hope that every day could be as perfect as this one."

"I love you so much Stan." Kyle said, bending down to kiss me.

"I love you so much too Kyle, more than you will every know." We locked eyes in a loving gaze and I really thought everything was going to work out alright.

 **I thought an epilogue was in order for this story. Thank you to everyone that read/enjoyed this story, it really means a lot to me! Check out my other stories if you want to. Thanks again you guys~**


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